Something Beautiful

I am a people watcher. I first started to realize this in highschool. I recognized my lack of desire to date based on my observations of my peers. In the Army, I actively sought to be the designated driver whenever possible so that I could try to belong. There was also an opportunity to observe people in their “natural habitat” if you will. It sounds better if you read that part with a Steve Irwin accent. This might also explain why I went into the branch of the Army. It was my job to study people, to predict their actions and reactions. I have long recognized I see things differently from the majority of those around me, it is through watching people that I might gain a better understanding. This could even be said why I was intrigued to be a bouncer. There might also be a desire to protect, the applications of watching people: lifeguard, soldier, and security. There appears to be a consistent theme.

Being watchful of one’s surroundings is also part of the impetus to blog. In order to try to have something that might be worth reading, one must be attentive to the world looking for opportunities to share. Such constant watching is a different kind, instead of maintaining situational awareness for a potential threat, I must also be aware of the beauty God might present in a given day. This ranges from sunsets, clear skies, or those precious moments with a child or something fluffy.

This brings me to something I saw at church a few weeks ago that was absolutely precious. While ushering, I am constantly facing the opposite direction from the congregation. There was a new father holding his newborn daughter. He was absolutely transfixed on her in a way I cannot remember that I have seen. We acknowledged each other and I returned a smile and he quickly went back to staring at his daughter. The intention, joy, emotions everywhere were overflowing. It was a joy to get to witness something so beautiful.

There was no need for him to justify anything. I am certain he was more focused on her than he was of what was happening on stage during those moments. From the fully extended smile to the piercing gaze, there was nothing more important in that room to him. Granted other than myself and those standing around him, I don’t think anyone else witnessed this public display. Was I intruding on the moment? I hope not.

Aside from sharing that moment that left me impressed, being reminded to lookout for the beautiful things, I was also reminded of the need to celebrate joy with others, especially the joys they have that I might not have. This goes back to a discussion with one of the couples in my grace group. They were hanging out early and we were having a good discussion. I can’t remember if they were newlyweds, by definition, but she was still in that mode. He wanted to refrain in my presence. He was single well into his 30’s and did not want to flaunt the affection he was finally able to share with his wife. I appreciated the consideration but encouraged them to enjoy the fruits of their relationship. Christians should celebrate with others the gifts God has  given. I think this is especially true for those of us without, to celebrate those who have.

Sure, I have my moments, but hopefully those moments should occupy less mental energy and time than a Carl’s Jr. commercial. I am starting to stare down 32 in the coming months. I am well past the average age of marriage for any American demographic, yet, there is still peace. God has demonstrated his plan throughout my life numerous ways for years. Just in case my faith was weak, I have a long personal history to reflect upon.

The Christian faith is not built upon an external sense of injustice or inequality. The only inequality that should matter to us is how could a Good God send his perfect Son to die for us? There is no greater challenge to inequality beyond that and all other forms of inequality pale in comparison to Christ’s sacrifice. Christians do not live in some kind of envious economic plan that requires all to be equal in order for there to be goodness. We are bathed in grace, undeserved favor from God, each day. Every breath, delectable bite, stunning sunset, and joy is the result of God’s grace. I just needed to remind myself.

Where’s the Love?

 I would like to say my month of silence has produced some deeply insightful revelations to write about, sadly the bulk of my silence is the result of mental complacency. I find it funny how often I can take a break from writing out my thoughts despite the constant sense of accomplishment and continued self-development when I maintain a pattern of writing; enough with my excuses, on to the blog.

I have found over the course of the last 3 years that it is especially enjoyable to read two books at a time. I started doing this because the wear and tear on a single book being transported on my person constantly became irritating, especially when it was a decently thick hardcover. Currently I am reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris (the younger brothers of Josh Harris) and Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I usually have opposing topics between the two books, but this duo has a certain common ground which I find even more enjoyable for each.

Blue Like Jazz (BLJ), subtitled "Non-Religious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality" is a tread softly emergent book. The author emphasizes Christian spirituality vs. Christianity. I would find a more appropriate comparison is Christian living vs. Christian Religion. In Divergently Emergent Church I mentioned the clear danger when dealing with Emergents due to the varying theology, as I am about halfway through it so far it seems okay. I chuckle to myself because the author throughout the book he casually mentions several prominent individuals such as Mark Driscoll and Josh Harris, but he did it in such a way as “The cussing pastor from Seattle named Mark” or “Josh, the guy that wrote a book about not dating”. Donald’s story is certainly a read welcomed to those turned off to religion. It is constantly a sad thing there are so many people turned off to Christianity because they have experienced Claiming Christians and not Christ. I’ll return to this as a bridge the two books.

Do Hard Things (DHT) is a battle cry to the American Christian Youth to challenge ourselves. The heart of the book I could not agree with more. I believe the 18-24 age group has the potential, constantly, to be the most powerful age group. Instead, be it the society which tells us if we want to be successful we need to stay in school for 22-24 years before we can potentially be useful, or our own laziness, or fear of risk. This is certainly a must read for Youth leaders and the youth themselves. The target audience of the authors is actually 13-19 as it is mostly devoted to teenagers and the accomplishments extraordinary teens have made past and present. Being that it has been more than 5 years since I left my teens and yet this book still encourages, I recommend it to all who want to impact the world.

Based upon the descriptions of each it doesn’t seem like the books would have much commonality. This is where the two meet each other, BLJ talks about a confession booth several Christian students made in the midst of a several day party at Reed College, under the connotation that the party lived up to the drunken orgies which celebrated all forms of debauchery. At the confession booth the Christians would apologize to the unsuspecting sinners about the mistakes of Christianity. In doing so the author tells the story of remarkable ground gained for Christ. On the flip side, multiple times throughout DHT when giving an example of different causes to impact the world examples like Ending Poverty, Curing HIV, and Saving African Children were given.

I agree whole heartedly with the theme of DHT in which Christians make a difference and living the faith in big ways. However, when compared to the confession booth which brought the drunk, stoned, and promiscuous into the arms of Christ, I had to ponder “Are the two methods consistent, opposing, or contradictory?” Is it just me or does it seems Christians tend to focus on making people moral instead of trying to reach a fallen world? While I support most of the social agendas of Christian organizations too often it seems fellow proponents get so focused on the legislation and policy they forget about the people it affects. Can we as Christians honestly ask ourselves that our faith has made us more known for our love or our hate? It often frustrates me that I fall in line often with the stereotypical "religious right nut job" due to my views; however, when those who disagree with me actually dialogue with me about how I think we ought to approach those I disagree with, or the improper tact of our supporters use, ground is often made both for the cause and for Christ.

I don’t think I would have gone so far as apologize to random individuals the sins of other Christians, at the same time Christians need to be honest about the mistakes that have been made throughout the world in the name of Christianity but not in accordance with Christ. One of my favorite clips illustrating this is in the Kingdom of Heaven. As Baelian goes to meet the King of Jerusalem we see this dialogue with a Knight-monk friend concerning a hanging they just witnessed.

“These men are Templars, they killed Arabs.”

“So, they are dying… for what the Pope would command them to do.”

“Yes, but not Christ I think, nor this King.”

When I think back to the early Church, amidst the Roman, Galatian, Ephesian, and Corinthian societies most anyone would agree that our culture is nowhere near their forms of cultural sin. Take your pick from the historical examples, the Coliseum which public entertainment was to watch people fight to the death, the cliffs used to cast undesired babies, or the rampant sexual promiscuity practiced throughout the land; Scripture doesn't address changing the laws of the land. It speaks of changing people's hearts, and with their hearts a minority of Christians shook the entire Roman Empire. Perhaps we ought to follow suit?

Youth Ministry & High School Relationships

As most of you know I plan and hope that my plans fall in line with God's that I will return to Youth Ministry as an official role in the near future (little less than 2 years). Unlike my typical writings that I'll spend a week mulling over to develop the thoughts this one just struck me. Under these circumstances I don't think I am the proper one to be given credit on these thoughts. Could I be that presumptuous?

I think as we approach the idea of being leaders we ought to have an idea of our goal. It sounds simple enough doesn't it? Those goals could be anything from getting the attendance to grow, have students go into ministry after they leave, they could be anything at any magnitude. I could even go so far as to say not having a vision or goal could also be the vision/goal, even as undeveloped and irresponsible it might be. I consider the interaction I have had with students since being in Germany, my many peers who are as old or younger than some of the students I lead in Bible studies back home, I might have the unique perspective of what happens to students when they leave home. I know I wrote something about this in Growing Out Of Faith, and what I have seen happen when they leave. I wouldn't quite say I am revisiting the same topic, instead adding more to it.

Considering what focus I would most want to encourage students the best churchese answer is “Jesus”. Of course I want people to know Christ on the personal level, which is true Christianity. Clarifying the scope which I hope to encourage is where the flurry comes to play. Do I want to focus on service, relationships, drugs, alcohol, sex, and all the usual issues of today's society? Do I want to encourage mass evangelism, discipleship, theology and apologetics? There are so many aspects that can be addressed that are very important that it is clear one person cannot teach all the areas at once. Hopefully that is what other leaders are there for so we can encourage the more specific needs as they are needed.

What came to mind this morning that ties much into the under-developed potential I see in many of today's teenagers was the distraction of dating. Oh no I said it! This is gonna be another dating rant. Nope, or at least I don't think it will be. I think it is fair to say on the eve of my 23rd year I have successfully completed the teenage years and have had decent time to reflect upon those years. Most of you know I have never dated, it was odd back in high school and it is at times rather frustrating in my current state but that is for another time. I suppose this also ties into developing leaders for the next generation. After all, a good leader in my thoughts not only leads well, but trains those he leads to be leaders also.

On to the rant part of the blog. I see many students focused on earthly relationships, which are immature. Not to say they lack the potential to be mature, but in order for maturity to be manifest in a relationship it must first exist in character and faith. The immaturity manifests itself most clearly when they talk about love. When I hear a our 16 year olds talking about love and their deep understanding it takes some restraint to just nod as though I agree with their emotions at that particular moment. When I am snarky I respond that they are in some ""L" state of mind but it isn't love. I know they have a shallow understanding of what love really is... then again this is not limited to teenagers. I know many peers who still think love is a feeling. People get so tied up getting their significant other for their various reasons and in the process of developing their character especially during the teenage years I think many allow their boyfriend/girlfriend to take the place in the heart that God would otherwise fill. In turn God gets some heart scraps if that much and he is more like a lucky charm than Lord. This only happens to really manifest itself when they come to God in their later life if at all.

I find that is a bit out of order how we should be learning about life. If the spiritual is so important why do so few people treat give it preeminence? From my own trials, tribulations, and blessings I have learned of a faith that overflows into my thoughts concerning every aspect of life. I think it is far better to get the right understanding the first time instead of having to return to previous ideas and let Christ rewrite them.

Connecting the dots between my thoughts on teenage lust and youth ministry. I want to focus my message to the more mature students. Please wait on romantic relationships. I think this is especially appropriate considering that I believe the purpose of dating is to find your husband/wife. I don't know many teenagers who initiate relationships with the opposite sex with marriage in mind. More often it is for fun or because that is what youth today believe is appropriate when you like someone of the opposite sex. In my mind playing with emotions and hearts for such trivial causes is rather dangerous and careless.

I find the most benefit from promoting such a lifestyle would be for the guys. Instead of being worried about the social drama that plagues high school they can spend their time developing their leadership skills. I know not every man is a natural leader, but I do believe that as our God given role we are all to be some kind of leader. My leadership skills I think started to develop rather late in my ministry experience. The other main benefit, I think the Christian men would be better prepared to know how to treat women with respect as Christian sisters instead of a possible girlfriend. The aspect of dating, relationships and all that jazz is just a huge distraction instead of capitalizing on numerous opportunities to develop social skills and seek what God has in mind for your life. Not being preoccupied with someone in some relationship that will likely not manifest into marriage.

I suppose the greatest con to my idea is "how will people know how to date/interact if they don't get practice". Being one that still has not dating experience my argument seems to lose validity to many people. I don't approach people like a sport or activity that practice makes perfect. Knowing how to treat people comes from the beliefs and values I hold. Sometimes those are altered according to how I get to know the person, but there is a certain level of respect to be given to every person regardless of how I feel about them. Furthermore, I only need to find one person to marry. If I practice dating like I believe its purpose is then why is trial and error so necessary? I also believe that every person is different. What lessons you may learn from a relationship will either be about yourself or that specific person. Knowing yourself is one of the primary perquisites I think are necessary before starting a relationship.

I cannot discount that I have know a number of married friends who met and started dating as teenagers. This is especially common in the military community. It is one of those "the way things are", there are many a young soldier in training who will marry their sweetheart or break-up. That is the only way people can take their girlfriends with them to where the military sends them. I don't intend these thoughts to be set in stone rules of “how to's”, as there are always exceptional people with exceptional circumstances. Thoughts and lessons to be taught to the masses are developed for the many in a general form of application, not for each and every person to follow exactly.

Joys of Being Single pt II

I was stumped as I was pondering on what to write for the exact joys of being single. Not saying I don't enjoy it for the most part but my blogs intention have been to divulge my theory on different subjects, relationships/dating included. So for me to continue to explain such information and then gear into a joy of being single it has taken a bit more thought. So building on where I left off, Joys of Being Single Pt I I figured I would go in the direction of what can be learned being single.

I am single, satisfied, and celibate. I think if someone is constantly single and looking they might not stop and enjoy the personal development I have found from this season in my life. The main point of Pt I was the joy of knowing yourself. So it seemed it would make sense to dive into knowing others. I have known for a while I make friends with women far more and easier than with men. I think this is for several main reasons.

First, I am not the typical male. How do I define a typical male? A typical male is one who is constantly on the prowl to seek females for either physical gratification or personal satisfaction. I think this is generally referred to as being a “player” or “pimp”. I wouldn't go so far to say the average male is a player or a pimp but I will say the majority either attempt to live that lifestyle or hold it in high regard. From what I have seen of it, the goal of the player/pimp is to either have one night stands and or multiple girlfriends simultaneously without any sense of remorse. I believe that lifestyle is altogether shallow and selfish. This is perhaps the ONLY thing I can agree with feminists.

Second, I can talk about my feelings. I have gotten over the stigma, actually I don't know if I ever had it, to be able to describe in words what I am thinking and feeling. This can also fall into the not-typical-male criteria, it is rather more common for males to not be in touch or have the desire to express themselves emotionally. When they do, it happens to be in the situation of a relationship. Dare I say, either many men are shallow or have walls which keep people away from their inner being. I think I am pretty far from either of those descriptions. I am irked that most males have not yet been given social permission to express themselves emotionally in a masculine manner. In fact, the very thought of expressing one's emotions is still socially, feminine.

Third, I do not seek a relationship upon first meeting a woman. Any relationship seriously based on physical attraction will only last as long as the plastic surgery can be paid for. I seek to be friends first, I don't have any pick up lines nor do I try to flatter a girl by her attractiveness. I want to be friends first. Most men asses if they are “interested” within a few seconds of seeing a woman. They will introduce themselves to start a relationship (or less). Their goal from first sight is to quickly determine if they want to hook up or start a relationship. Maybe, since I don't approach women with intent to get something from them and they realize it by me being authentic, they are willing to open up on a personal level. Because my goal is to meet people/be friendly, I approach women as individual people with functioning brains. Something I think the Rico Sauvé approach completely ignores.

As I expressed in The Single Guy moving from being the friend to possibly boyfriend is completely unknown territory for me. On the other hand, I know who people are. I know how to talk, approach, and treat them on a level foreign to most women in modern society. To value someone for who they are, I think is one of the most powerful ways of sharing my faith and a great way to authentically know someone. Few people go about life to truly try to understand the people we share this world with. This is kind of ties into my current read, people are yearning for community. So far the book has addressed how people are lonely on the inside and how small groups meet that need. I want to try to meet people's need, to know them. I take it even further Christians ought to be seeking people to meet the need as well.

Enough of the segue, back to the theory. The theory as mentioned in Dating, or Lack Thereof a relationship should not be start on a superficial level. Through my method of social interaction people who I know on the superficial level are not people I would claim to know. The joy of knowing people on their individual level is why I had not had a desire to start a romantic relationship. I was satisfied with knowing my friends, the friendships I held were rather deep. The change that has hit me over the months has been my desire for more than that because I am starting to approach the point in my life where I want to start a family. For the whole family thing to happen, I can't really do that with just friends, unless I start a cult or something.

For Jonathan's sake and pickiness I think I will write a closing paragraph. The second joy of being single is learning and knowing how to interact with women on a similar level as knowing men, we’ll probably even deeper. Which reminds me of Christian Men, men in the church are not being what they should be. I am also reminded of a Hume talk that will likely result in a blog about the general lack of emotional awareness and ability to love (phileo) fellow men. The social skills of being able to interact with the opposite sex is highly effective in sharing Christ's love and knowing the true person.

Joys of Being Single pt I

One of the first things I noticed that I neglected to mention in Dating or Lack Thereof was the importance of self identity. I think this period in our lives begins in Jr High for most and is well on its way through high school and is finalized in the college age years. Of course this does vary with maturity and the individual's experiences. This factor I think is the primary reason why the teenage years are deemed to be so chaotic by parents, sociologists and the like. I know we can all think of some people who are past college age and still have no idea of who they really are. If the stage of self development is overlooked or not completed I think one of two routes will happen. Either the person will continue to act as they were wherever they “developmentally left off”, never fully developing into a mature adult in that respect, or they will be influenced by others into someone they might not have become had they defined themselves earlier. Actually let’s add one more possibility in the mix, upon a major life changing event, such as becoming a parent; some people start to figure things out at that point.

Many people start getting into relationships too soon in their personal development and are often directed in ways they did not intend or plan. I spent my teen years watching people live and get-together, I used those experiences of friends and classmates to build a “study” of high school relationships. I recall asking many friends “what their goals were in the ____ relationship?”. The majority of people had no idea what I was talking about, which I found rather interesting.

In my over-analyzed life, I attempt to always have a reason why I do something. It is not necessarily always the best, most productive reason, but I will have a reason nonetheless, to quote Agent Smith ”there must be a reason, a purpose.” For those who do have an answer as to why they were in such relationship it would usually be one or more of the following: “to have fun”, “to discover myself”, “to find out what kind of person I want”, or “to get X (X being some physical gratification)”. I don't think I need to dive into why it is a bad idea to have a relationship simply for fun; emotions are great when it is great but are really bad when it is bad. It is not wise to play with emotions. When physical gratification is the primary goal one or both parties are in it for their selfish desires. Their attitudes will reflect their desires and eventually lead to using and/or demeaning each other.

I find the most mentally perplexing reason for the relationship is “to discover myself”. I don't think self discovery is a group activity. Whenever I hear a person talking about “finding themselves” I wonder “when did you lose yourself?” I think what they mean is they are trying to define themselves. When someone in a vulnerable position, such as a dating relationship, is undefined; an inherent burden is put the other person to assist in their definition. This is a highly disadvantageous situation if the burdened person is not acting for the benefit of the other. If both individuals are trying to “find themselves” you have two lost people looking for someone they don't know.

I find the motivation “to figure out what kind of person I want” as a valid reason to date nonsensical. It is an attempt to give them license to not discern who they give their emotions to. I know exactly what kind of woman I am looking for, how do I know? I know who I am. I know what I want to be. I would only make sense to select the kind of person who will encourage my lifestyle and direction. I am looking for someone whose life will be complimentary to mine. Opposites might attract but attraction does not build families.

The foremost advantage from my years of singleness, I have been able to develop and define myself for who I want to be. I know in thought and my dreams, I imagine the first person I date I'll marry. I am not entirely opposed to that happening but I should not expect it to happen. To do so would be the definition of un-necessary stress on a relationship. I also take into account the advice from those who have experience with the other half, many of whom proclaim “I have much to learn about relationships”. I must agree with them.

I recently finished a relationship book. I find it funny that I am reading books about Christian courtship and relationships especially when I know I won't be acting on the things I learn from it for at least another 2 years. It is a topic that has been circulating my head more in the recent months, and it is a nice break from a deeply philosophic or scientific reads which are more typical. As the title suggests it follows the relationship of Isaac and Rebecca in Genesis. Although they went through the courting style of getting together the book was formatted to suit dating more than actual courtship in my opinion. I have a better idea as far as mental knowledge goes as to what sacrifice and love is. Actually my idea of love much more clear than it has previously been. Love is so much more about a commitment and conscious decision than a feeling many people have made it out to be. I was also chuckling upon the conclusion of the latest book, I can spend months on a deep read but the average time for a book on relationships is less than 24 hours.

My Place In This Place

So last night as I was listening to Lifesong to go to sleep to I was pondering/reflecting what I have done I have been in the Army. I was thinking in more consideration of how I have been living than what the work has had to offer. One of the thoughts which came to me I found rather soothing and satisfying.

I remember in the weeks leading up to me signing the papers I was talking to several important people in my life concerning my worries and reservations about the decision that was to follow. I think I got a deeper understanding of how God's will works and presents itself. One of those dreading questions over my head “was it more my will to join than any pulling of the Holy Spirit for me to join?” From that point I was satisfied God will use me anywhere I let him use me. Last night I think I had an epiphany of purpose.

While in my previous duty station, I was rather disenchanted things didn't work out to help out with the youth ministry there. I don't think I set for myself how I was to evangelize to my peers. The first several months I was getting used to the atmosphere of alcoholism, partying, and the sort. I think I was primarily concerned with keeping my own faith strong. This was when I started ordering the books and studying more than I had ever done so in my civilian life. I think around Christmas time one of the guys in the barracks asked me to do a bible study with him. I was quiet excited.

After several months of spotty meetings we generally stopped meeting, he was always tired or sleeping and as life went on and people talked I could clearly see no change in his lifestyle. I don't think I was expecting much but when I see the growth and understanding in the Word and then to see him at the barbeque the following weekends, he spoke through his actions how much he really wanted to change. I didn't want to become his little confessional booth he could do as he pleased and then have a little Bible study and be good until the next time we met. The entire experience was a learning one to say in the least.

When our studies ended I didn't really make a pursuit to get something else started as the rest of the unit was preparing to move to Kansas. This was also after a failed attempt to have a lunch time Bible study typically consisting of myself and the two chaplains. In my mind I think since I wasn't actively pursuing a time involving activity I wasn't really doing anything productive for God. As a whole I was unaware of my spiritual usefulness.

This brings me to last night. While pondering my accomplishments of non-work nature it popped into my head how many people I have been talking to all along who either seek me as a guy for advice, being the voice of reason, or spiritual council. It just hit me, I can think of at least 5 or 6 deep discussions with people in the field alone, not to mention who I have talked to online. Although I was not aware of how loud my lifestyle spoke as I reflected it has been more than worth it. So many of the "lifestyle" sacrifices I have made to actively live differently have served their purpose here. I thought these experiences would only be of use when I am youth pastor or something as an example how to stand up against peer pressure and the party lifestyle.

I find blogs of this nature to be awkward at times, I don't write this to get on a pedestal and proclaim a victory as super Christian. I am often reminded of a song my Dad jokingly liked to sing to himself, "It's hard to be humble". We are called to be humble in what we do. Not always an easy thing but something I noticed from one of the spur of the moment conversations about my life, I don't approach life wanting to prove something. The audience found what I was telling them unbelievable, but believed it because of my demeanor. From that conversation with several guys I had an even more in depth time to share my life and beliefs with one of the guys as we washed dishes for several hours.

Aside from the people who were curious why I live so differently, I have been useful to many people who have fallen away from their faith since being in the Army. I am also pondering writing a blog about how much of a ministry opportunity I have found the Army to be, but I was going to be sure to include the dangers as well. I know far more people that came into the Army with a meaningful faith than are in the Army and live a faithful life. When I pondered it more I don't think I realize that I am an encouragement to those around me. Or at least I never really thought of it that way. I have been much concerned with keeping up with my known spiritual gifts and trying to develop my leadership skills that I think I overlooked something that God has been polishing for some time now.

Do I have this awkward feeling of awareness about what I am doing constantly, no not really. I think I am looking through my glasses with a better prescription on life now.

The Single Guy

This one is definitely thinking aloud. I wouldn't quiet say this is a rant but ponderous thoughts instead. Contributing factors which have lead me to the thoughts of this developing blog are: the Tuesday night Bible study in which we are now studying Song of Solomon, Dating, or lack thereof, a recent conversation/story I was listening to yesterday, and my overall thought process on the issue over the past year.

I would say at this point I am a professional single guy. I am very used to all the luxuries it includes: my free time is all to myself, I have no obligations in my personal or emotional life to another person, and I can focus on whatever my happy heart desires. At this point though I think I understand Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." a bit better than I have in the previous years of my life. Wait a minute? Did I just portray the life of a bachelor in a negative light? Taking the context into account I think this encompasses both our spiritual, emotional and personal life. What do I mean by that? I have known very clearly since I joined the Army that our spiritual lives are meant to be lived in community with each other, something my heart continues to long for.

I have had and still have a small community but once again I am perhaps the lone single soldier who attends the chapel services at my own free will. Living in the barracks has its own perils to one's faith if I want to belong. Based on my blog habits, which I believe are so frequent because I lack people around me who I can vent and talk with. So I use this outlet, my personal life wants to be able to share the deeper moments of my heart with someone. I believe it to be incredibly difficult to live out a powerful life for God without people to surround and recharge you when you need it. Community is so vastly important in our faith I cannot stress its importance any less.

As much fun as I have had with the joking feel of singing like Donkey on Shrek, "I'm so alone" which I do tend to sing at moments of opportunity, I often do feel so alone. Standing back and analyzing my singleness I am at the place in my life that I definitely am tired of being single. There are some pitfalls with this facet of my life being unsatisfied though. Before I start to divulge them all, I think there is a precursor to them lying within me. With the utmost uncertainty I think if I was back in the states I would probably be in a similar social situation, being single. Something Jonathan mentioned to me was I still have a lot to learn when it comes to dating and relationships, I don't doubt it.

I think this realization really hit me while I was sitting in on a conversation of reference. The speaker was talking about how he basically got a girlfriend that he has only talked to by phone and internet. The thing I found most profound was when he was complimenting her about how great of a girl she was and that if he was her boyfriend he would find himself to be very lucky. The first instant thought in my mind was "whoa, now that's some brownie points", but upon further ponderance I don't know if I could be that forward to someone to initiate the more than friends relationship. My goal for so long has been to be "the Friend", and I have always been so comfortable at that point in my friendships I rarely have ever wanted to carry it any further. Now, I sit in reflection and questioning myself, could I move past the friend zone?

Often in my thoughts and imagination of my future relationship with my wife or fiancé (whenever it may happen) I usually glaze over how I went from being the friend to actually having the significant other. The bigger implication I pose to myself, “what kind of spiritual leader would this make me when I haven't the daringness to attempt to initiate more than friendship?” Being friends is a wonderful thing. You can count on friends, hang out with them, and talk about anything you are willing to talk about. The only limits to how far a friendship goes are to how far the two want to take it. Well, the physical part kind of goes without saying. Beyond the line of physical behavior, what are the emotional and spiritual lines?

Something I found interesting which I profoundly disagreed with was advice in The 10 Commandments of Dating; it suggested not to pray together because it can rush a relationship into a more intimate position and speed than what the authors believe is safe. In the context of praying together while alone, yes, there is room for temptation amplified through the spiritual intimacy experienced. Therefore, praying together ought to be done in public. Praying for one another and together is one of the best friend building excercises that can be done. It is not just anyone who would pray for you or with you with a true heart.

When I recall my friendships, sometimes I think the only line that needed to be crossed from friend to a possible romantic relationship would have been to talk about it and see where we were and how we felt about each other as that kind of relationship. But… I have never taken that step. As I mentioned in my dating blog, I find people are entirely too fast and forward in the physicality of relationships. For this reason and because I know myself and my own weaknesses I hope my first kiss will be either after I propose or after I say "I do". Oh yea, I suppose I haven't mentioned that to very many people. Yea… I've never been kissed or anything close. How this applies into my future or possible dating life, it throws an interesting curve, because the factor so often used to determine a couple is “a thing” is such forms of affection. By my own desires I have put it off till much further in the relationship.

What inspired this form of dating ideology was a talk I heard at Hume in 03' by Steve Solomon. I can email it to anyone if you are interested to hear it. I think it puts the bar for men to be spiritual leaders and men of integrity much higher than society can even contemplate. While putting the bar up and burden on me to express my feelings in a way which excludes physical intimacy, it also adds a knot into how do I initiate the relationship to the more than friends level. These details I have no idea how to go about. I suppose there would be dates, and activities. I think I’ll figure it out as I go. Well, not really, for the really good ones I can learn all I need to know by watching some chick flicks. Truth be told, the reason guys can't stand chick flicks is because it makes regular guys look so pathetic. I don't know many guys who can build a telescope or buy a star... Perhaps that is why I like Hitch so much, because it is for the normal guys.

Back to my over-analysis of my dissatisfaction and predicaments of the thing called dating. The most difficult part of the relationship is the maintaining and growing part. After all how much more to it is there? There is spending time together, sharing, doing things, and enjoying being around each other. I think at a certain point one of two things happen, you either get married or break up. This model is with the successful relationship, I kind of glossed over the fights, arguments, and disagreements. Those will happen but it is what they are about and how they are dealt with which contributes to the overall success of the relationship. Actually, for many relationships to get through the fights is one of the most defining aspects to show how important it really is. Talking to friends that for some reason ask me for relationship advice on occasion, I think one of the simplest ways to have a working and good relationship is to treat the person as friends treat each other. So often the issues brought up seem to get convoluted in my friends' minds because their emotions are out of control. My objective outlook allows me to be able to look at their situations and talk it out without being emotionally involved. Essentially working out friend’s relationship problems has taught me the most about relationships directly. I am curious how it will hit me when I am no longer emotionally absent from the issue.

Now that I have expelled the internal issues to me not dating or getting into a relationship there are additional factors as to why I believe I remain in this state of singleness until I get out of the Army. I when I enlisted I knew I would likely not get into a relationship; at that point it didn't seem like such a big deal. At this point, it is bittersweet. To halt my loneliness I have thought of trying to find someone in the local area, but it is quickly snuffed by the realization that I will not remain in this country for more than a year. Where I go in a year it is one of three places, based on my occupation I think you all can guess aside from the States where the other two locations may be.

The environments I have found myself in definitely has a shortage of Christians. By Christians I mean to express those that take their faith seriously enough to practice it despite their surroundings. I have yet to find a single Christian female since I have left the states, which definitely puts a hindrance to starting a relationship. I do not think it is a good idea to attempt more than friendship with someone in the states. Long distance friendships can work, but not that kind I think. It hit me after I read 10 Commandments of Dating, that I am not really looking for someone to date, but a serious relationship dare I say wife. I think that explains much about how I have approached social interaction and relationships thus far. I don't think I was ever looking for a girlfriend; I have always been looking for a wife. I think great friendships can be made anywhere, more than that though requires meeting in person. So I find myself in my current state of singleness by lack of options. I am not really stressing too much expecting to not find someone for this period of time, and so I am the single guy.

Feeling Stagnant

I have no idea where this will take me; I just am somewhat bored and feel like I haven't thought out loud for too long. Now that everything at work has slowed down so much there is a lot of free time everywhere. Most of the time we are doing details just to do something but with all the supplies packed up even that much is difficult. I am anxious to receive my passport so I can travel, even though some country's have open borders in order to get a mileage pass I still have to have a passport. I hope the Spain trip works out. I feel like I am at a real loss, and this hasn't been the first time where I really have no idea what to talk about.

Maybe that could be the topic. Yea, I think I can go with that. What does it mean when I have nothing significant happening. Well, that is a bit of an understatement, one of the other people in the barracks has recently started going to chapel. It is a huge source of encouragement to know I am not so alone. When I think about the blankness of thought for the time I question how healthy it could be. I know I haven't let up in my pursuit to stand for something righteous. I have made greater attempts and so far so good reading again. My gaming has definitely sub-sided and I have had more motivation to hit the gym again. The overall balance of life I had before the busy period is re-establishing itself. The thing that concerns me though is the lack of serious thoughts.

In my typical blogs I have some spiritual lesson or major event that has hit me and there is a part of me that is worried that I haven't had anything come up in almost a month that I have been compelled enough to write about. I am thinking that can't be a good thing, if I am not growing then what else is there? Surviving, kind of, falling away or not doing so well, I hope not. Am I just worrying that I have written about so much already that I am at a loss about what more to write. I have thought about writing some blogs about my take on the War, current events I have seen in the news and things of that nature might be interesting from a soldier's perspective.

I think that by my lack of spiritual passion for the weeks that I might be at a lukewarm period, I say that and think "How can that be?" Am I compromising more? Am I devoted to the same principles that I have been fighting to hold to for these several months? I think those questions can be answered that I am in a good position. I know there is always growth, but when I can hardly sense anything going on or bouncing in my head, I have a serious “what the heck” moment. The scary thing is this moment is lasting entirely too long in my opinion...

I am reminded of an adage that I heard a while ago and much agrees with. It was something along the lines of "If you are not being persecuted for your beliefs you're doing something wrong", in reference to how faithful we are to living out our faith. I was encouraged in a moment I don't think was meant to really be encouraging. In my most recent sit-down with my supervisors they were saying that I need to tone done on how seriously I take my faith.

They were suggesting I socialize more with people other than from church. I have nothing against that but between general vibes and straight out telling me, the others in my platoon don't want to take me anywhere because I am such a killjoy. I suppose my very presence prevents them from having as much fun. I thought the best part about the discussion is they said I need to stop approaching people like "Hi I am Joseph, and I am a Christian". I really don't think I come across that strong nor do I attempt to bible-thump those around me for living as they please. My next best guess as to why people are so uncomfortable around me is that I actually stand for something and refuse to budge.

I know that sit-down was meant to be helpful suggestions for me to get out more; I found it encouraging that my life message is clear. I know I don't come across like a lunatic or attempt to be a holier-than-thou, the only times I ever get to discuss spiritual issues most of the time is when I am chatting with Adam, a friend from church and in my platoon. So when I regularly hear people say I am a bible thumper or something of that sort I simply wonder that is my lifestyle preaching that much without my words? If so, awesome!