Getting Back Up, Again

This week was one of the best there has been had in recent years. I didn’t embark on any new adventures. I didn’t complete anything that was nagging at me. All in all it was a rather normal week. The changes; listening to scripture on my morning commute and going back to the gym. I used to listen to a talk radio show on the commute but personnel changes following the election appears to have removed the most mentally stimulating hosts. After venturing around itunes looking for a replacement podcast to fill that time slot I was reminded of my priorities, the contrast between what my perception and practice. This is better to explain if I start from the physical approach.

I have been a gym rat for the better part of 20 years now. Minus a few extended periods of healing I have paid as the “experience tax”, my routine has been one of the more stable things in my adulthood. I have my goals, some of which were established in high school that continue to elude. The most eminent motivations though are the harsh memories of being bullied up until fruit from the gym showed on my frame in high school and the constant ailments that eventually lead to dad’s early passing. I know dad’s homegoing was far more than his physical state, but that… that is something I’ll hold closer to the chest. As far as the bullying, an anecdotal observation, bullies are less likely to pick targets who are more muscular than them. I recognize the concern of bullies today is long past relevant, but the confidence one gains and maintains by being a good steward of the body continues.

In 20 years of lifting weights there have been minor injuries all along the way. A strained pectoral here, or a pinched nerve there, I have been more than familiar with long undesired but necessary breaks. These have happened with enough consistency that one or two months of inactivity do not negatively impact performance. After three months, the first week back at the gym will be frustrating, demoralizing, and aggravating. At more than three months, well, it will take at least a month of light workouts to get back to the previous level. This is known as muscle memory, which is a wonderful thing. It could be such that instead of regaining strength within a few months of leaving off, I would have to work back from scratch. This knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing because I know how temporary this setback will be, the curse because it is still frustrating and humbling to endure every single time I return to the gym to build back up to where I was. There is a certain baseline to reach before I can tune my routine back towards accomplishing my goals.

Last week, I finally got better from a four-months “cold”. The doctor called it “bronchitis” and the antibiotics were incredible, but let us not dwell on the past and technical terms. The best part of the healing process was recognizing I was sick for at least two months more than I needed to be. It was my stubbornness that precluded me from seeking help. Oh the joys of recognizing the fallibility in my physicality as well as my spiritual practice.

At the same time, sadly with far less dedication to my lifting regimen, getting a daily dose of scripture has ebbed and flowed. When it flowed it was grand. I never really maintained awareness how or why I let life’s business get in the way. Certainly there were periods of pride that in order to ensure my practice was authentic manifestations of delight over duty, I would cast away such liturgical structures over my daily routine so as to appear the most authentic. The other prideful exclamation often justified my lack of scripture because maintaining a biblical worldview might be sufficient. You know, think about everything biblically, except the Bible.

I knew I didn’t have a good reason. Is that not the purpose of the Bible app after all? The phone goes everywhere, hence my bible is with me all the time. Even more, the audio bible is on the app too! It really hit me halfway through this week. To really show my faith, I started to listen to the Old Testament. You know, brush up on my biblical history that is a bit rusty. I should be able to distinguish between Elijah and Elisha... What God has shown me in this week, was in the historic descriptive Word, it is still living and active. My place in his kingdom is more clear. The concerns of what each day has before me are less daunting. God is good. This process is far less painful than working back up to a certain level of physical performance. As it should be, the entire basis of the Christian faith isn’t about what we do for God, but what he has already done for us. One of the most basic truths, that I had not paid attention to with the weight I should have. Like getting back into my gym routine, “why did I ever stop?” with the most dumbfounded tone echoes through my head. I am grateful for a loving God who knows me better than I could ever know myself.

Oh, I guess this kind of topped off this week, I got to see Supreme Court Associate Justice Alito this weekend. That was pretty cool too. God cares about the little things too.

P.S. I wrote this a few weeks ago, but not wanting to get on what could have turned into a short lived celebration of a couple weeks, the pattern has held. The gym regime continues, the Word still speaks through the genealogies, and life is great. This has not been a fad. Next time you see me, ask me about what scripture takeaway I had.

Adventures in Security: 0 Days Without an Incident

My streak is over. I have been working security at a nearby ritzy venue for almost a year. Over the course of that time, I have somewhat proudly noted that every real fight or altercation we have encountered I have been absent. I would insinuate my particular demeanor was more comforting and successful to de-escalate situations instead of allowing disagreements to turn to fights. It is worth mentioning the pedigree of the venue is far from the typical dive bar. We are not some ragtag tight polo shirt wearing element. We are in suits minus the tie, if you can peg a man by his dress then we are certainly a professional team. A rough approximation would say there are only events which require our intervention once a month. A typical night is filled with checking IDs, assisting bussers with broken glasses, and clearing the venue at closing time. As with most security, our primary purpose is fulfilled in our mere presence. I should probably note that of the three nights a week which our security team is present, I usually only work one of those.

Although I have an older brother, throughout our childhood we never really fought. Dad ensured no such hijinks would be permitted and it worked. We were never taught to back down from any hostile acts but nor were we taught to go looking for trouble. Because my investigation in Complementarian theology followed my service in the Army, I am not inclined to think the “protective desire” was something from my theological convictions. I do not know. We can chalk it up as a social construct which much of my generation has embraced.

Anyways, Saturday night was a learning experience. Not only did I get to assist with an escort following an altercation, as that one was settling I was the lead guard who broke up another fight. Adrenaline flowing in all, the true question of fight or flight was answered in the heat of the moment. It should be noted, that we do not fight patrons… well, I do not fight patrons. When two people are not playing nice with each other, the best resolution is to separate them. It is not worth the time or effort to figure out who was in the right or wrong until the altercation is ceased. We ascertain the details and responsibilities of the event following a successful ceasing of the fight itself. My job is to get between two people fighting and separate them. Not only was that night a first, which I finally got to be the first person on scene, it was the first time I was really punched in the face. I am quite certain had it not been for a broken nose my junior year of highschool, I would certainly have bled after that strike, thanks for that Dave :D.

Once the sting of the facial numbness streaked across my face and the fight was stopped I almost instantly thought about a quote from Muhammad Ali a friend has often quoted to me. “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Of course, my friend has always used that phrase more for its metaphorical purpose, but this weekend it was rather literal. Until one is presented with an actual situation where tempers are flaring, danger and fear were present, we can only hope to do the right thing given sufficient mental preparation and/or physical training. Due to my lack of direct experience, I have not had much opportunity to hone my hand-to-hand combat skills. I can generally use my size and strength enough to mitigate my lack of technique, but even then, until this weekend all such mental simulations remained only in theory.

Now I know. I can take a real hit to the face. Aside from the crash against my skull, and slight numbness, I did not falter. I continued pulling the patrons off of one another and once the two were separated the altercation was finished. In the aftermath I was reminded of the temperament of my colleagues. The would undoubtedly disagree with my findings in Babysitting and Bouncing.

I was also able to take a few minutes to reflect upon the numerous types of security I have been involved. From time as a soldier, to a summer camp security guard, to a bouncer. Each capacity has honed the desire to protect into an ability to do so. I am also reminded of the repeated instruction in Army Combatives training. Our instructors repeatedly stated “We are only teaching you just enough to get your ___ beat.” It was a rather simple block of instruction but they were certain that we did not act too empowered by our basic combative skills test. If I recall right, on one of my sparring opportunities I dived head-first into a guillotine choke hold. Oh the joys of youth and vigor.

I returned from Hume on Friday, after a two-week visit. I truly love Hume and the people up there. This summer is far different from how I imagined it even two months before. It has required a type of waiting that has not been required since my exit from the Army. I had no idea what I would be doing this summer as it began and as the weeks passed hopes were dashed and opportunities unveiled. These revelations remind and reassure me that I am supposed to be exactly where I am. God has been guiding these steps far longer than I have been aware enough to recognize their destination. My adventures for this summer are far from over. Although the desired accomplishments are somewhat lacking, the thankfulness for being about to return to Hume, more than statisfy.

Look Forward for the Rainbows

The perspiring bubbles on my forehead are about gone. There remains a pleasant level of lactic acid still in my shoulders. At the beginning of this semester I started jogging again. With the encouragement and company of a friend from church, who is in far better shape than I, we have been able to share the camaraderie of hardship, sweat, and good conversations. Did I mention how much like to run? Some people have difficulty eating beets, I have difficulty doing cardiovascular exercise. I will devour any foul tasting health food but voluntarily get me on a regimen of cardio, that is a struggle. Yet, somehow knowing I have a friend to endure the pain with, makes it easier. There have even been enough progress that I go without him. What is it about shared hardship that bonds people together? In the range of types of hardships both theoretical and experiential the net is wide. Whether the rigor is from a sports team, stress from challenging classes, or dare I say even war, there appears to be a consistent bond people build with such joint experiences. I might go further to say the more intense the hardship the stronger the bond. I built great friendships with my friends and colleagues on each of my deployments, but there was no measure that would compare the bond of our staff positions versus forward positions who endured more tangible forms of stress. Even as I look back to my summers at Hume, the bonds formed are quick and deep. A similar feature of as those bonds are quickly formed while working at Hume are among the most demanding experiences I have had within the civilian realm.

Even as I reflect upon this first year of graduate school, there is a good deal of camaraderie from the shared struggle to accomplish our tasks. I have never had to read and comprehend as much material as I have done in this last year. If one does not belong, it will be evident. This was a constant question I had throughout this year, “What am I doing here? Can I really hack it?” Well, one year down, two more to go. I trust the professors enough to tell me if I don’t and they haven’t yet.

Are the bonds formed through hardship a peek into our natural soul? Our brokenness is what brings us before the Cross. The majority of our faith journey is more about our constant failures and occasional successes that bring us closer to Christ. In many ways, the Christian life is predominantly a one-sided relationship. God is sufficient. Therefore, there is nothing he lacks or desires that will make him more complete. Us on the other hand, are far from sufficient. Even the most independent self-sufficient homesteader still relies upon the constant rhythm of the heart beat to continue to assert independence. The whole of life is grace, some have the opportunity to recognize it more deeply than others.

Are these echoes of hardship and the lessons that come from them their purpose? Marriage serves as an analogous relationship between Christ and the Church. Are our individual relationships analogous to our relationship with God? By default, our relationship with God cannot, nor should not ever be equal. It is the most appropriate relationship between an inferior and superior. At the same time, many friendships begin with a more dominant aspect than the other. Those starting differentials might be talent, means, experience, or whatever. There are few relationships wherein both parties are fully equal. Even if they are, the bond is genuine because there is no tally to be kept. The differential of friendships often shift over the years, often such movements in the relational dynamics are signs the bond was not bound by a time or place. This is certainly one of the lessons about friendships adults tend to learn more than children. I have a number of friends whom I see far less than I would like to. Our paths have lead us in different places, but oh when we can be near one another again, joy. Much joy is to be had.

I also consider these thought with the ever so popular problem of pain. Much of American society has set their goal in life to avoid pain at much as possible, in doing so they avoid the character and discipline that has so often been revealed and formed through such experiences. Hardship does not create one’s character, it only reveals the character that was already present. I do not think this approach to pain is exclusive to Christ followers, but the knowledge of a good God does make such trials infinitely more possible to endure. I know of many faithful Christians with hard stories who repeat a common theme through their hardship. They are grateful for the perseverance and support that carried them through, but continued to nourish the hopes that the hardship may come to an end, if it is to be so.

I am reminded of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah aka Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. When presented with the fiery furnace they stood before the test, no knowing how it would end. The most probable and reasonable end rates among the worst ways to die, despite this “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” I can only wonder, if the trio were not close before, this trial was a recurring example of God’s faithfulness.

Are the challenges we have each day proportional rainbows of God’s faithfulness? Rainbows can be made from something as simple as a spray bottle or be the result of a glorious storm. The vibrancy and brilliance often depends upon the source. The best rainbows come from the passing of powerful storms. So too our lessons in faithfulness. We are given talents each day to invest or bury. We know what the right answer is, but will we be willing to follow through? What if I could look forward to the next challenge God would carry me through instead of dread the temporary pain?

Hard Lessons Simple Truths pt II

In Part I, I started tell you about the experiential understanding of some of God’s simple truths. I did not realize this would be a series until the pages were filled in part I. This series seeks to focus on highlighting the opportunities God has given me, through hard lessons, to recognize his simple truths.

I think at the time, the simple truths were a bit less concise or complete. For a number of years I summarized the simple truths as “patience” and/or “sovereignty”. Two summers ago, eminent scholar, Screamer veteran, and strong puncher, Jerry Root summarized the simple truths to “He is God, He loves me, He knows what is best for me.” This was certainly a more relational summary than my one word doctrinal statements. Years later after an Introduction to Theology class at Biola, what has been known cannot be unknown. The character of God and his attributes from a scholarly approach may appear daunting, at the same time Romans has made much of it plain to us.

The first installment left off with the personal frustrations I had as I returned back to civilian life. Well, sort of. The Providence Verified series follows a chronological record of God’s clear hand guiding my path in the recent years. This series overlaps chronologically but tells the stories and trials I experienced while being precisely where God had me be. I had to shelve this one for a few weeks while I got caught up in the other series for chronological continuity. Let’s get on with this.

In a 6-week period, I put in my two weeks, got hired by a new division in my company, moved to Texas, and started a deployment in Afghanistan. Of the two challenges which confronted me during that time and throughout the deployment one has at best a tentative answer still. When I was active duty and Uncle Sam called my number to go to war, I could easily write it off as “this is out of my hands” or “I am being sent”, although I kind of did volunteer to go to a unit to deliberately go to Iraq. In this situation, I left a great job, which although the conditions were much less enjoyable than when I first started working, it was still the best job and opportunity available without leaving my community. As a contractor, I had to seek a job knowing I would go to another war. No flag to hide behind, no government orders making me go, I had to seek out a job, go through the interview process, and convince my company why they should send me to war. Yes, the job was in direct support and supervision of active duty personnel, but the conditions were still different.

I sold more than a year of my life. For those of you who do not know, private military contracting is very lucrative for anyone. At that time, truck drivers without military experience driving convoys of supplies in Iraq and Afghanistan were making over 100K/yr. The pay scales moved up from there. I knew several contractors who were veterans in Iraq and got an idea of the pay scale for even entry level analyst jobs. In fairness, entry-level in that career field meant at least 2 years active military experience with a deployment already under one’s belt. Anyways, there are many jobs which people do solely for the money. Isn’t that why most of us go to work? So that we can get paid? Some of us will be lucky enough to do something we love and get paid, but there are significant portions of the population punching the card to get to the next day. I knew in taking the new job position I was deliberately selling myself. The notion still feels odd. I never wanted to live a life in which chasing the paycheck was the objective, but I still took the job. I justified and still tend to justify that decision by those digits in my bank account that grew from that job. Yes, I got to do my part making the Afghani people and Coalition Forces safer. There was always that aspect of job satisfaction but I couldn’t shake it that I named my price and took it. There was nothing morally wrong about my job, it did not put me in any positions which I had to do anything against my conscience or faith, but it still felt odd. I still justify it because of the financial positioning the job provided… It is done. I do not like to justify the means by the ends, but this chapter is how it went.

The nagging sense of selling myself was not a problem during the deployment. I was awestruck with each paycheck. In retrospect it was a convicting manner to see what I valued at the time. I left my church community, a good job, and great friends for those digits in an account. The part about the deployment which made it my most difficult year was the fellowship. Between my status as a contractor and working night shift, I could not attend any chapels on base. When I was active duty my section allowed for me to attend a weekly Bible Study with some guys from my unit. It did not take long before I realized how much I underestimated God’s blessing on me in Iraq then when I was in Afghanistan. The support a community of faith can provide became measureable to me. I bonded well with my coworkers. We had a small team, only a handful of us stayed for more than a year, the active duty people rotated with a new crew and command several times. Some crews were more friendly than others, some were outright hostile towards faith. We I took the job, I figured I would continue reading to keep my faith vibrant as I did in Iraq. The near complete lack of fellowship in Afghanistan took its toll. It didn’t matter I was reading regularly, working out, eating mostly clean, the lack of fellowship and encouragement the Body of Christ ought to provide to one another was painful.

People often focus on the physical danger war presents. In Iraq we went several months between rocket attacks, I don’t think we had more than 8 days without a rocket hitting our base in Afghanistan. I chuckle, as my last week on the deployment, I am certain I saw a rocket pass over my head by 20 ft or so, it was a good signal that I was ready to leave. The physical danger was nothing compared to spiritual emptiness I felt throughout the deployment. I gained a clearer understanding of the priority between the physical and immaterial.

When I got home from Afghanistan things were different. I dare not say the evil acronym many associate with military service. I am certain it was not that. I think a spiritual thirstiness was present. I got back from Afghanistan December of 2011. By the following January I was taking classes at William Jessup to finish my degree. As much as I love Biola, I know I needed to be at Jessup that first year back in civilian life. There was a proportionally significant veteran population on campus and for some things it takes a veteran to help a veteran. The thirstiness practically felt like an immaterial mist separating myself from others around me. It flirted with the line of tangibility, but it was constantly present in public. It was not until I returned to Hume Lake the summer of 2012, that I felt the cloud lifted and have not turned back since. Hume was already a dear place to me, this was just another example why it is so important to me.

Throughout the Afghanistan deployment I knew God was demonstrating his sovereignty to me. He carried me through yet another war. Even in periods of silence, his presence was constant. Like my isolation in Germany that first year, sometimes it takes the most challenging of conditions for us to have the opportunity to see God for who he is. The noise of the world fades to the background and one is confronted with the brutal truth of a fallen world and a sin nature. Despite this, God is present, he loves me and he was able to take care of me. Even more than that, I have seen and felt God’s faithfulness through numerous trials. Like a dependable friend that has been there through thick and thin, no wait, that is insufficient. God has carried me through the hard times, especially through those moments when I was barely holding on.

How to Survive and Thrive at Summer Camp

I write this with 6 summers spent working at Hume Lake Christian Camps, I do not think any of these tips are particularly specific to Hume, if not except that I am writing from a perspective of a large camp staff. These are my suggestions on how to have the best camp experience for all you Summer Camp Staff this summer. In my span of employment at Hume I have worked in the Dish Room, Support Services, Ponderosa Lifeguard, and Security. My first summer I was 19, the last I was 31. Part of writing this is my longing to return this next summer but having to recognize this season has passed… for now.

1. Do not start a relationship! I get it, oh boy do I get it. This is especially difficult for those of us coming from churches with less than flourishing college ministries or going to secular colleges without robust campus ministry, for those single and ready to mingle to, mingle. Further heightening the attractiveness of the idea, everyone else on staff is doing ministry all around. You are both serving God, maybe even in the same department, so you see each other more than anyone else on a regular basis. I get it. I also say this knowing a good number of friends who have met their spouses at Hume. They are the exception not the rule, and I write this as a point of general rules. By exception I can also say from experience of working with over 1000 summer staffers across my time, exception means the 1:100 chances, maybe. I say this because I have seen time and again, people meet, especially in the first few weeks of camp, and that other (not yet significant other) often becomes the primary focus of time, emotional energy, and general attention. Sometimes it even seems justified because the workday is spent serving God in your respective position. A really good thing to practice instead, building friendships with people. Between the severance from technology, the close proximity, the physical, emotional, and spiritual strain this is a magnificent opportunity to make life long friends. Much in the same way you might have gotten to know friends in the dorms on the same hall, but this is amplified by the shared experience of working in ministry together. Also keep in mind, what will likely happen when summer is over. Do you go to school or living within reasonable proximity to one another? Is the person (sadly) one way around Christians than they are around the World? The bubble that the Camp Experience offers is both a blessing and a curse. Be aware of it. At most make friendships from which a relationship might result, but wait for the camp goggles to wear off.
2. Take advantage of Spiritual Growth opportunities. Okay, this might be Hume specific as I cannot speak for all the opportunities at other camps. Between Bible studies with full time staff, Summer Preaching Series, Chapels, or even your own quiet time, be sure to spend time to maintain your own spiritual health. The formal teaching opportunities have fantastic speakers from all kinds of backgrounds, at least one of them will speak on a topic you will have interest. Many of you have not worked a job with such demands like this before. No matter how busy you get, and even though that business is doing ministry, you still need to take time to be fed. This is a similar effect I see at Christian campuses. I attended two different Christian universities, both had the same problem. Between required chapels and Bible classes, many students fall into a trap of thinking they are spending sufficient “God time” fulfilling those obligations. In doing so, they neglect to take part in a local church in which they might be exposed to a diverse population of Christians other than 18-22 year olds.
3. Get creative with the meals. For at least 5 of my summers the menu has been more or less the same. Embrace the sandwich bar at lunch. Get creative with the salads. Examples, chicken sandwich day makes for a nice crunchy chicken salad. Occasionally there is a staff menu item separate from the regular menu, get it, no matter what it is. Salad is your friend, Cisco takes its toll. Don’t limit yourself to the iceberg lettuce either, I’m not about to have a nutrition meeting right here, but use the spinach. Your digestive tract will thank you.
4. You can survive without technology. This some has a caveats, unless you have a specific job that includes many hours of low activity or you are taking a summer online class (Good Luck), leave the laptop at home. I know we have all at one point in time thought the idea of a technology fast would be good for us. This is a grand opportunity to realize what life was like before everyone had a smartphone, mostly. There is no cell reception and internet is not worth waiting for, instead you are in the middle of the forest surrounded by trails, trees, and some of the best creation God has made. Enjoy it. This will also give you a good chance to do #2 since you won’t be distracted with all the social media our generation is so well known for.
5. Watch the sunrise and sunset at least one time during the summer. At the beginning of the summer it is really cold (40 and below), but sunrise happens later. I want to say it starts around 5:30 if you want start when it is still dark. By mid-July, the temperature is much more bearable but sunrise starts earlier. For more approximate times check with the Night Shift security guys, they will know.

6. Limit time spent “Down the Hill”. My first summer I never went to the city, I was having a blast kayaking, reading, and just being in the presence of creation. Not to say Fresno is not also part of God’s creation, but it is not as enjoyable as Hume. My second summer I went down almost every weekend. It is nice to go hang out with friends, catch a movie, escape from the camp menu, In-n-Out/Chipotle/etc. I am not recommending about never going down the hill, but be mindful. It is a 3-hour round trip and at least half a tank of gas. Summer camp pay tends to keep us keenly aware of the service aspect of this ministry, a trip down the hill can get expensive. Also, remember you are in the middle of Sequoia National Forest. There are many sights you can see and explore and you already in the middle of it!
7. Get to know people in other departments. You will more than likely get close to your team. You will spend more than 40 hours per week with them, it is somewhat inevitable. Living arrangements and off time provide great opportunities to get to know people in other departments. This is especially true for departments like Support Services, Food Service, Security, and Concessions. Each of these departments give days off, not on the weekends and usually only a couple of people from the department at a time. If you only hang out with people from your department much of your days off will be spent by yourself (not on purpose) or awkwardly looking for something to do. Last summer I made friends with High Adventure people, almost every week I got to play paintball with campers. Help other department staff by volunteering and getting to know staff in other jobs especially if you want to return for another summer. Camps tend to be small communities, it is not difficult to become part of the family. This is especially true for Full Time staff. They love you before they know your name. Know that and go from there.
8. Sleep. This is not general ed classes at college. The Resident Directors are there to help encourage you to get a reasonable amount of rest. Don’t fight it. It is easy to become perturbed with the authority over you at camp, you are still spreading your wings learning how to adult. One important aspect of adulting properly is giving proper due to authorities above you. Doing what you should do over what you want to do. Be the adult I know you are.
9. Bring a Hammock. Preferably with the longest straps you can find. It will be better sleep than you can ever get on a camp mattress and there are plenty of trees to set up your ideal spot. Hammocks help facilitate rest, great conversations, and being able to see a fantastic view. For some reason I did not own one until my last summer, one of my biggest regrets of Hume.
10. Remember this is Camp. Most people will not have too much trouble remembering this one. Do not treat a blessing like serving such a wide audience for the Gospel’s sake into a burden. Once I got to #8, I figured I should round it out to 10. Mission accomplished.

Hard Lessons Simple Truths pt I

I shouldn’t say mantra, more like motto. Yes, motto is appropriate. I think this was revealed to me sometime during my Iraq deployment. God constantly provides circumstances for us to learn his simple truths: He is God, He loves me, He knows what is best for me, He is in control, He is able. To throw an “and” or “etc.” to the end of that short list does not do it justice. I would rather make that grammatical mistake than limit the truths of God and his character.

Moving forward from 2009, there have been a number of areas of life which God consistently showed/s me new or deeper understandings of his simple truths, through hard lessons. I remember when my roommate Dan, was laughing (it was fair, reasonable, and prophetic) about my certainty that I would find my spouse at Hume in 2009. It seemed reasonable at the time. I can think of at least a dozen friends whom I have worked with in my Hummer summers who have met their spouse as summer staff. On the odd chance a Hume friend reads this, allow me to clarify “meet” not “start dating” as my first rule of Hume summers is “Do not start a relationship.” This rule was learned after my first summer on staff way back when… well when most of my Hume friends were in elementary school.

It is fun to look through my singleness blogs, that season of life was beneficial for my own growth but something hit around 26, a serious bit of “been there done that, next chapter please.” “Oh grasshopper, you have no idea” would seem like an appropriate near audible response at the time. That season had me seriously question much of those claims I was so happy to explain to others in my young adult years, but with the hope of summer camp and roughly 160+ Christian women working in a common mission, what could go wrong? Or not happen… at all. I was anxious as a near 27-year old Christian single veteran who in some way probably felt like I earned such a gift as a manifestation for my demonstrations of faith throughout my military career.

It would not have been unreasonable at the time/stage to “settle down.” I was behind the curve on the Evangelical timeline but still in healthy range within the secular timeline. It was an odd feeling to return to a world, in which we all grew, professionally and spiritually, but when I returned to my home and church there was a constant feeling of being left behind. While I was overseas doing my thing most of my friends graduated college, got married. At that time they were mostly pre-child stage so things were a little different but not wholly different. It took an edge off that God pretty much gave me a professional job as soon as I got back home. I was in a financial and professional position that I did not need to finish college but still provide well for my forthcoming family. Returning home from the Army had every bit of “When I get home I am gonna…” there were even the necessary steps provided that it looked like those hopes would be realized and fulfilled. I think that was when God started to teach me a new kind of patience.

When I left the Army I was certain my travelling was going to calm down. There were a few months where I fully believed I had the next 20-30 years mapped from that spot. Not knowing what God had in store for me reminds me of how small scale I often look for things. I was at a great job at the time; actually it was literally the best possible option available for my situation. It was truly a gift. Yet, the personal stresses that came along with my department’s expansion and transitions it was clear to me by the time summer ended I might need to look for an exit plan. With that realization of my professional instability so sailed my plans to settle down. It would be irresponsible to pursue someone when I could not provide.

The hardest decision I had to resolve before I enlisted was accepting the fact that I would remain single for the entire duration of my enlistment. God made that condition very easy by not placing any practicing single Christian girls in my path, but that resolution was always present. Like my resolution to abstain from alcohol that was fulfilled shortly after my return to civilian life, I hoped there would be other manifestations of fulfillment.  Yet, instead of receiving my vision of fulfillment, I started what has so far been a seven year journey to understand God’s simple lessons with the occasional and sometimes constant hard truth.

As each year has passed, and especially since I have started my current chapter, that is graduate school, being satisfied in this lesson I have had an almost tangible sense of satisfaction trusting that God is God, He loves me, He is able, He knows what is best for me, and I need to continue to be patient.  

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Welcome to Afghanistan

This certainly is a deployment; the conditions are more rustic than what I experienced in Iraq. It has taken about three days to recover/adjust to the new time zone, which is minus 11.5 hours from PST. I don't know why this country has a 0.5 mark... it just does. Then again the best part about deployments thus far have not disappointed. The food is great, my base has a number of different cafeterias, and I am greatly enjoying the European style ones. When I was in Germany there was an orange-carrot type juice generically called throughout Europe "multivitamin" juice. It was wonderful and they have it here! I am being reminded to appreciate the little things each day. Getting a couple cups of juice helps offset variables like the tight living space, cold "navy showers”, and the connection speed that ebbs and flows; I think it coincides with the number of people awake and logging on, although yesterday it was especially slow.

In keeping with the "signs you are a contractor" I am working on a "deployment beard/goatee/facial hair growth experiment", I am about a week into it and I think it is slightly more than most men's five O' Clock shadow. This will be a slight source of entertainment for now. I'll post pictures in the event I actually grow enough to be detected by pictures. I managed to make it to the gym yesterday. Needless to say I am not looking forward to the pains of getting back into my lifting regiment. The mere discomfort of getting used to the burn and daily muscle soreness that I should be expecting for the next couple of months alone should be enough motivation that I had never stopped lifting. Then again life in CA was a bit busy often to the point to allot for more than six hours of sleep was a luxury. One of the main reasons I decided to come out here was to remember the simple lifestyle, and it is.

Among the other niceties I've been trying to appreciate were the flights here. Flying a real commercial flight to Kuwait was huge; I even got economy plus seating! This is compared to the lowest bidding "commercial" aircraft we fly as active duty in which we were packed in so tight sardines would complain. That is unless you volunteer to load the baggage and then you might get to pick your seats in the event the flight is not packed to capacity. So I got to Kuwait and after some minor headaches, to the hotel. Wow, would be a short description. If that hotel wasn't a five star, I cannot fathom what is. The beachfront view from the lobby, the multiple fountains and swimming pools in what I thought was a desert country, I was in awe. I think the icing on the cake was the fresh plate of fruit waiting for me in my room. Granted it wasn't exotic fruits like dates, pistachios and other more indigenous products but fresh fruit nonetheless. My experience in Kuwait was culminated with dinner at their in house seafood restaurant. The last several months I've been eating seafood at almost every opportunity, I continued that night. I was most impressed with their "salad bar" which amongst other things I dined on: hummus, smoked salmon, smoked mackerel, oyster salad, jumbo shrimp cocktail, and assorted veggies. I think a lot of American salad bars should take notes from this place.

On one of the legs of flight I happened to sit next to a brother in Christ from New York, I think his name was Mark. It was a great opportunity to encourage one another. An especially encouraging story about what God has been doing in this place. A man from India or Nepal, I can't remember exactly where but it was an unreached area, whom Mark helped get a job. By God's providence he was sent to a location which another brother, Robert, was located, it was there that he received the Gospel and became a Christ Follower. Sometime after that work location, he was transferred to the base where Mark was located. Upon seeing one another again, Mark started discipling the new believer. They have been going strong for a month now. The probability that they would see one another again, let alone be given the time and opportunity to disciple is the kind that can only be accomplished by God's plan.

I can't help but wonder what opportunities I might have. I will not have much if any contact with non-Americans. From what I have gathered thus far, no one on my team appear to be active Christ followers. I've been in this spiritual atmosphere before, that was two years in Germany, but I question how much I properly assessed this as a real possibility. So often I reminisce about the almost constant fellowship I enjoyed in Iraq, not fully considering what it would be like here. Only God knows and time will tell. I pray that this will be a beneficial time of learning both through my studies and the life lessons I learn.

Epilogue: This was the most difficult period of my life. There were several rotations of active duty and contractor team members, no one exhibited more than nominal faith at best. There was also one crew that was hostile to any kind of discussion that was in the least bit philosophical or existential. I should probably write about the reintegration after this, that was an important life chapter...