To Drink or Not To Drink?

As I was reading a very interesting book that will have its own blogs of thoughts and reflections it just struck me that I should write this. Whatever it turns into here's your warning this is completely spontaneous. I am on the eve of finishing my clearing process and thus leaving a place that has been my domicile (I still refuse to call it home) for the last 13 months in a country I have called my residence for 2 years. I suppose this warrants some amount of reflection. It might even help the fact me accept the fact that I actually am leaving.

The first thought that comes to mind started around June or July of 2005. When I first saw there was the strong chance I was going to be stationed in Germany I immediately thought about what I could do to make a meaningful, apparent and bold statement of faith through my lifestyle while residing in a foreign country. At that time I was still trying to learn how to move past the spiritual separation I experienced upon leaving home while finding a livable medium in which I was not a “holy rolling judgmental Christian” but was not one of the crowd either. The idea and reality that it was normal for young adults to go out on a weekend basis if not more often and completely give themselves up to such worldly living was still a bit of a lifestyle shock to me. I never attended a gathering prior to the military where my peers were drinking and… yea. All of it.

As I reflect upon those months in Arizona and saw what people did with the freedom they had, even as limited as it was; I know my response had be something drastic. Germany is famous for their beer. I was still unsure how to respond to the offers of alcohol. While at Arizona, I was under 21 and had the weak reason by social standards but an easy one as to why I did not drink. I wanted to follow the law. I knew going to Germany where the legal age if you want to call it that was 18, and I was 21 upon arrival, the excuse that got me through several months would not hold up in the regular Army. Talking to reclassing soldiers (those getting a new job & training) the stories of Germany were not very encouraging to me and my desire to remain faithful throughout the duration of my service.

It was during those months that I had made a commitment to God that I will not willingly or knowingly consume an alcoholic beverage while on my overseas tour. I wouldn't call it a covenant because it was something I wanted to lay before God as a sacrifice; I was not expecting anything in return. I can think of two close calls which I might have compromised myself and my commitment, one was eating cake that had rum in it that I found out upon chewing it that there was a small presence of rum not cooked out of the cake. The other was when I popped my first whole German chocolate candy in my mouth; it was filled with something that I didn't like that was alcoholic. Following that experience I learned how to read the ingredients on the back of chocolates. It is rather difficult to find non-alcoholic assorted chocolates. I must say with brutal honesty that this was not easy to complete. This was reflected upon in What did I get myself into?

The first year was by far the most difficult. It probably didn't help that I spent the majority of my free time playing WoW in the barracks hallway on the weekends which I would see the habits of the second floor population. Actually, I kind of prided myself at times that at certain points I simply by smelling the drink I could tell people what they had put in it. My unit put serious effort trying to get me to drink. On one humorous point, the easiest way to get lots of free alcohol is to tell people you don't drink. There were also days that had taken their toll on my spirit. Between work or personal stress, I am certain if it was not for my commitment to abstain I would have drank myself to the clear point of sin. In that respect I think I can somewhat empathize with people that do drink to escape the problems of the day. I think there has been a several occasions that it was through people's curiosity about my decision that I was able to share Christ with them. It was astonishing to me how many found such a simple action as to abstain was seen a drastic move. Throughout this challenge, I must also keep my pride in check. It was not by my power that this commitment was fulfilled.

Like many of my decisions of abstinence, after several months of practicing a grander idea came to mind about what could be gained from such experience. Hopefully, I can speak as one who has experience about alcohol and peer pressure. Living in a country which beer is more normal than water, at an appropriate age, and appropriate places, I have had every justification to partake. Except that I wanted to lay before God a part of my life that I had not used until I committed it to them (remember the Trinity). There is a part of me that hopes these years of experience will encourage a high school student or college student how to address the prevalence of alcohol in today's culture and how it meshes or conflicts with our relationship with Christ. I don't pretend to have a mask that it doesn't bother me that many of my peers drink alcohol, I know there are plenty of scriptural examples that show it is not the act of drinking that is sin in anyway. After all, Jesus' first public miracle was making good wine. I know this is a question that every person must answer for him or herself. For me, for this period of time, it was a choice not to drink.

This is where it starts to get curious. On one hand I am experiencing a sense of accomplishment and joy because through God's strength I remained true to my commitment. I am preparing to return to the states, now a full fledged legal adult at 23, I am in a similar situation to ponder, upon the completion of this commitment do I want to try an alcoholic beverage? In complete honesty this question has come to mind several times and I have not made any solidly committed decision, which I think I will before I get on the airplane this week. While I am very curious what some drinks taste like, I don't think that curiosity is enough to possibly tempt myself or become vulnerable alcohol or the possible abuse of it an extremely active issue in the military. I don't know why I am delaying a committed decision so much; it is not like I spent months in agony or meditation for the first commitment. For the sake of continuing to submit myself to God's will, to make myself open and always alert to what I might be shown, I here and now extend my commitment to the duration of my enlistment.

Epilogue: I had my first drink with a friend from Germany back at home. God brought us together that our friendship could continue. I was the designated driver for him from time to time in Germany and in one of our conversations I agreed to have a drink with him if it was reasonable. Even in my civilian years there have been numerous occasions which I have abstained from alcohol. Whenever I work at Hume, no drinking is included in the contract. When I was in student leadership at William Jessup, no drinking. When I deployed to Afghanistan as a civilian, no drinking. When I was an undergraduate at Biola, no drinking. Through these experiences, especially not being able to drink as a 28 year old undergraduate I was able to recognize the heart of submission to authorities I have voluntarily accepted. Integrity ought to be worth more than a light buzz.

The Hardest Part About the Gospel pt II

I was reading over some of my past writings to ensure I have not covered this coming topic fully or not to repeat what I have said before. I am too young to already be repeating stories already. I was thinking about some of the students I encountered in Slovakia that I hope to see again next month in Italy (the military students) as well as the close proximity to people in the field. What kind of faith do people live?

What a person lives is too often so far from what they claim to believe. I have had so much more understanding of St. Francis' quote I have in my headline, "Share the gospel always, when necessary use words." Without getting on too much of a rabbit trail I find it important to point out that everyone lives out their faith. Whether that faith can be recognized with any specific organized religion or not doesn't matter. Faith as Hebrews 11:1 states it is what we cannot see but put our hope towards. Even the denial of faith is faith that there is none.

As I mentioned in the Slovakia Blog, that I am not interested in convincing people to say a prayer that means something at the moment but will not likely last beyond the week. I also must be careful not to underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit working in someone from a week in God's presence. As I mentioned in the first part the majority of Americans believe themselves to be Christians, but so few know what it means to be a Christian.

Haunting over me I have Matthew 7:15-23 scrolling across my thoughts like a teleprompter. If people can prophesy, cast out demons and perform other miracles but not know Christ what about the rest of us? I have been far from ever able to perform a miracle, so for Jesus to have such harsh words about focusing on the acts and not on him is quite the stern warning. On one side it is comforting because it shows how much Christ cares about the personal relationship he seeks with us, our salvation is not based by our works. On the other side, when it comes to my daily failings in the Christian life, my will departing from Christ's it is the same kind of fear that would be instilled in a Hellfire and Brimstone sermon.

I recall a talk by Darin McWatters at Hume, he was described the individuality of Christianity. He said it would be great if all we needed to do to be set for eternity was to inform someone about Christ, or know Jesus name. The hurdle that someone must believe is so much further it is often frustrating. It is very easy to inform someone of some random fact or an important detail. To introduce someone to God on a personal level is difficult because we are so unfamiliar as a society with anyone taking a genuine interest in another person for non-selfish reasons.

For cabin time in Slovakia I would have one question that we would all go around in a the circle to answer, not so much as an icebreaker but it added a touch of personal investment into each member. I constantly emphasized to give a real answer to whatever the answer would be. As I phrased it, “be real, not like you're writing an essay or up for a pageant.” We have such common speech that to describe an active faith by speech alone is very difficult. I think the only thing that truly separated what I had to say was me being on the brink of tears trying to describe my relationship with Christ. Hopefully the guys could see my genuine sincerity about the discussions. I often find myself trying to be too intellectual about my faith when sharing it through conversation.

As other blogs have easily noted, I take a great appreciation being knowledgeable about my faith and issues of faith through apologetics and empirical knowledge. I have spent more time lately focusing on the importance of the heart within that faith. I cannot let one side take over so as I become a heartless Christian or a faithful buffoon. Looking at John 14:20-21 I read it that God requires our heart first and our minds will be answered in time.

How then do we be authentic in our faith enough to share it when asked, in accordance with 1 Peter 3:14-17? Is the gentleness and respect all that we must do when giving our reasons for our hope? I think not, if I had a well written essay about why I believe and carried it with me everywhere I went just in case someone asked me I would not think that to be what God demands of us. The personal aspect of sharing our testimony with someone adds what words often cannot describe. I think it is called authenticity.

I can write about the awesome sights I have seen in my travels, or my passions I pursue with my time, or even the euphoria I get from a good workout, but none of those are remotely close to feel if I could tell you about those things in person. That happens with things we care about. I am constantly told when I get talking about something I care about I get loud and very excited. Isn't that how we should be about things we care about? That is where there is so much more value in what we say and do than in what we claim.

Epilogue: Due to some travel difficulties on another weekend, as a form of punishment I was tasked to go on a field exercise instead of go to Italy. Sometimes that is how the cookie crumbles..

Prayer of Salvation: Expressway to Hell?

I am not aiming for a pure shock value title that will irritate/anger people's belief systems, if it does have such an effect maybe you might want to re-evaluate what it means to be a Christian. As it stands I think this is half a rant and half serious thoughts, let me know.

I have never been a fan of tracts, be it a quick tract with the Romans Road, or a simple way to argue against relativism, or even the simple layout that as sinners we are forever separated from God and the path to Salvation are steps A-D. You name it I am sure we've all seen at least one of each. I don't contest the content of the information, usually; it is the matter in which it is presented most of the time. It might be an effective method to spread Christian literature (if you'll give it that much credit) to mass numbers of people for pure exposure purposes. It might even be the first time people have ever heard of Jesus, but is this the way we ought to be striving to add to the family? There are many things that "better than nothing" are a sufficient answer to justify corny methods but are sharing the most important message one of those things we want to group into that category?

There are two main reasons I oppose such distribution/methods of advertising for God. First, I think it cheapens the message. Sure the Romans Road is handy to remember the scripture passages to show someone the very basics: where we are, what our condition is, and what we ought to do about it. Is that seriously the way we want to invite people into a relationship with Christ? Whenever presented with an opportunity that one is seriously considering what the Christian faith is and if they want to join I am weary about people that will say a prayer at a moment of emotional high. I question how many people have actually attempted to understand what the Romans Road actually states. I have heard too many times "say this prayer and you're in" or something to that effect. Along the same lines, I have known too many people that said that prayer but I see them from time to time and see no sign of Christ living in them. I think many evangelists need to reexamine how we handle the Gospel. Does a 10 page tract come close to describing our true situation and what Christianity is? At the same time we do need to start somewhere…

The military ministry is filled with such quick ways to God. I can look at the normal bulletins at this moment and see no less than 3 versions of how to get to God. Is this in case someone has a quick visit and the only thing they retained was the chapel bulletin? Are there not enough knowledgeable or prepared Christians that we want to refer people to a tract than talk to them like they matter? Why is the Christian religion so proliferated with such a cheap method to advertise our tenets? I recall the way the Jews were instructed to approach God, when the curtain was still up. I agree it is a wonderful thing that we can approach God directly, however are we walking into the Holy of Holies with a cup of coffee in hand and cell phone in an ear? Perhaps not physically but do we do it with that mentality?

I have seen people on street corners pass out New Testaments, flyers to a bible study, Christian tracts and everything in between. At first thought I see the people I get a similar sense as seeing a door to door salesman. I try to avoid eye contact, if convenient avoid contact altogether, if I absolutely must I will take what is being passed out and look through it. Examining the nearby garbage receptacles and one can gather how much of an impact the material is making. Then it usually hits me, we are on the same side... aren't we? When I agree with the reason that person is there giving their time and effort why don't I support them? I think the most logical answer to that question, do I really agree with what they are doing? Do we?

My second reason against such form of evangelism and more rooted to the title of this I think it is misleading. Find someone that has not heard a sermon about making Jesus their Savior and I will wonder if they have ever been to a church. Find a church that preaches “make Jesus your savior” and show me where it is in the Bible. Somewhere in the cheapening of the Gospel to make it more marketable I find the vast majority of my experiences teach a God that is not consistent with scripture. One of the forms that such weak teaching has manifested I consider the popular belief system termed "Moralist Theistic Deism". If we did an unofficial survey of our friends how many do you think would answer one of the following:

(A) I am a Christian because I go to church - Were the Pharisees Christians then?

(B) I am a Christian because I believe in God - Demons do that too (James 2:18-25)

(C) I am a Christian because I am an American - I am a Christian first (1 Corinthians 12:12-13)

I don't know if such common beliefs represent that people aren't listening to the message of the Church or if the Church is presenting the message so poorly that these ideas still prevail.

When the Gospel, the core of the Christian Faith, can be clipped down to a couple paragraphs and is often preached in that form is it a wonder that many people are confused about the theology, philosophy or mere moralistic implications that are consistent with Christ. I have never read in scripture that Jesus offers himself to be a Savior, I have seen that there are 37 instances in the Gospels that Jesus said "follow me"*. While "follow me" sounds perfectly logical for the role which Jesus offers himself to us, Lord; as comparable to the Lords and serfs of the feudal era, the Jesus I hear about from most people sounds more like a cosmic teddy bear than God.

As long as ministries focus on the Prayer of Salvation, I think we will only continue to produce confused people. Consider this, a person has not attended church nor come in contact with an active Christian. They come across a Gideon's bible in a hotel and start reading. At a certain point in their journey they come across the Prayer of Salvation, and pray it. They might leave the hotel with a new sense of freshness, a new lease on life. To say that the Holy Spirit entered them at that moment of prayer I do not know. What I do realistically believe is that they at most will be confused if they are indeed a Christian. I tend to personally wonder how much legalism is contained in Romans 10:5-13. According to Romans 6, at that moment they have the opportunity to be free from sin, knowing how to actually do so takes far more than reading several verses and saying a prayer.

While I know many of the tracts also contain a contact number, church address that people can get follow up upon their epiphany or further guidance but isn't that backwards from what Jesus said? Luke 24:44-50 describes that Jesus said "go" not "leave a contact so they can come". Where does this leave me then? Do I advocate getting rid of all pamphlets, tracts and other easily to distribute Christian literature? Not quiet, I think tracts can be useful for certain purposes, such as showing the logical failure of relativism, which could be done in a couple pages, or at least get it started enough that conversation would be initiated. I think that is the goal that we ought to attempt towards should be to engage people by whatever consistently Christian means possible.

It does concern me that Christ's message is delivered accurately, the main idea that has been encouraging me to write this is to ensure people know what they are getting themselves into when they want to become a Christian. A person thinking they are right with God is just has hazardous as a person that denies God. When the Christian life is attempted to be explained incompletely people don't know what they are signing on to and or don't live the life that speaks of Jesus. I know of the deceit that is used to enlist soldiers, if it was comparable to that of some salvation plans I have seen it would be like this

Consider Luke 14:25-25 that doesn't sound as simple as many try to advertise Christ to be. Ever see a tract with that passage in it?

*Note that Luke 1:3 is not Jesus speaking

Epilogue: As I reviewed this I found throughout the piece I discounted the ability of the Holy Spirit to lead someone to an authentic faith. I have heard numerous testimonies by missionaries confirming such miracles. At the same time, these reports have been reports of the miraculous, not the norm. It was necessary that I recognized the importance of the Holy Spirit throughout the process of faith and salvation. I would hope this process would be through an ongoing relationship with a Christian, not in the manner that I would describe as a Gospel Drive-By.

Slovakia Service Project 2007

I am still in the awestruck having gotten back so recently. I do want to write this while it is still so fresh in my mind. I had the privilege to spend this last week in Slovakia. The short version, I spent a week hanging out with some high school guys while building a playground and playing with some Slovakian children.

I refrain from speaking of this as a mission trip for the same reasons I mentioned in Prague Mission. Where do I start? Wow, to be in the presence of God’s creation, to be actively doing his work, it is so refreshing and recharging. To scream “Alive” at the top of my lungs is still an understatement.

Let’s start from the beginning. That goes back to November or so when I was working with Club Beyond, that is the military youth ministry, on post. Fast forward to the more recent months, where I have been very much so out of the loop what has been happening in Club Beyond. Most of the activities are on a different post, thus I am unable to attend and/or the meetings occur during duty hours.

It was I think in February that I got curious about what was happening with Club on Illesheim, so I shot and email over to the community directors. I mentioned Slovakia and at the time I was not needed, that was a bit of a downer but I am very used to bad news. About a week later it turned out that they did need me. The approvals went through and voila, I was going.

We left around midnight on Easter for a 15-18 hour bus ride (depending on how you count it), not a big deal. Being a choir tour veteran I have spent many a Spring Break on a bus. I was introduced with my four guys and Cotton, the other male leader. So yea, sleep on a bus, especially on the way over is usually something to be desired. After we get to the “village” it was a small camp that turned out to have communities from all over Europe of Club Beyond and Malachi (the other youth ministry program). I think there was between 700-1000 military teens altogether. We were split up according to work sites, which I could not spell my work site. The only thing it rhymed with would sound obscene.

Once we all got settled in our rooms, the first day it was just hanging out. There was an artificial soccer field next to the cabins and a basketball/volleyball court on the camp as well. The first day was the only one we had more than a couple hours of free time. After dinner we’d get on the buses to go to Club (youth group meeting). Then we’d bus back to the cabins for cabin time and sleep.

A typical day I’d get up around 0630, make breakfast for myself and the guys, get to the leader’s meeting. The meeting was about 30 minutes. From there gather all the things and make sure everyone was on the bus. We’d get to the site work all day and get back to the camp around 1630ish. Construction wasn’t the only thing we worked on, we also did VBS for the little kids, our students would lead Club for the Slovakian middle schoolers and we played with the kids sporadically throughout the days. That is all the basic what’s I can think of so you can get an idea of what I got to do.

The band at the evening Club meetings was 330 Plan, who happened to share the common bond of Hume with me. That connection was a nice reminder of great cloud of witnesses there are, especially when I was not expecting it. I had a nice little chat with them Saturday night to catch up on a little bit of what I have been missing back in California and in Hume. How I long to return there soon. By the way, I am about 95% certain I am reenlisting for 2 years (I am really only adding 3-4 months of time to my contract) this month. I am reenlisting to better set myself up for a transition into the civilian life.

There were some fine differences that I found interesting about this mission. I think in many ways it was much better than any camp I have been to before. The emphasis to live out Christ’s love to the Slovakian children while living the same love to our students was encouraging. On the humanitarian level, this project was incredible and made a difference in several towns. It was like mixing a short term mission with summer camp. I hope to find programs like that stateside to encourage people to support.

As far as the camp talks/sermons they were good, I had that sense of inclusiveness that is one of those sticky parts about gov’t sponsored ministry sorta… In order for Club Beyond to operate on military posts the leadership cannot discourage anyone’s current faith no matter what it may be. One of the humorous moments, I was talking with one of my guys, based on a guess of what the lessons would be like, and I called every single one. For those Hume veterans out there I think you know what I mean: Introduction to theme, Present Gospel, Purity or something of those sorts, Rededication, How to stay with it as the rough theme of each night’s message.

One of my thoughts concerning the method of teaching was how it correlated to non-Christian students in the course of a week. It seemed outdated or inappropriate for our current culture. For a truly evangelistic theme camp there are major places of the mind that I think contributes too many people getting the mountain top experience and then sliding down often as much as they climbed up in the following weeks upon experiencing God.

My first objection is to present the Gospel so early. The leaders should be living it throughout the week, at day two the leader and the students are still building trust and getting to know them. There are certain philosophical factors that I think are important to address before getting to the Gospel at such a place that it can be readily accepted. This is exemplified by the order in which most apologetic books address faith. I think the order in which the Gospel ought to be presented in terms of sermons/talks should be something like: Existence of Truth and Absolutes must be established; Showing how it is possible to know the Truth; The Bible is the Word of God; Then present the Gospel. I explain deeper why I think it is so important in Semantics or More.

I think under the current scheme of messages there is an oversight on the part of the mind. Given the course of a week a person’s heart in that environment can change drastically, however, I think that for it to be real it must also resonate in the mind, because like all matters of the heart emotions can be unpredictable and erratic. I do not think that is a healthy foundation for faith. The heart is often what starts to move people towards action. I think it is the mind that continues that action when the heart gets discouraged. This leads me to my second objection.

I was very pleased to find out there were no altar calls and there was not going to be one in the duration of the week. I know it sounds awfully anti-evangelistic to but opposed to altar calls but allow me to explain my reservations. I think it is best put forth with this event.

When I was working at Hume, Chris Brown was speaking. I have never heard a speaker with such talent for making scripture come alive the way he does. If you are interested here and here for sermons archives. Anyways, on the Gospel decision night, he spoke on the Prodigal Son. Upon closing the message he ended it with a prayer and invited students to stay and pray in the chapel and just “do business with God.” I had never seen such a high percentage of students stay, I can say with confidence easily 800 of the 1000 students in that chapel stayed that night.

The next day at a staff bible study he mentioned that he’d received complaints from counselors for leaving them hanging and not presenting the gospel or having an altar call. He responded with “At the place I had them, I could’ve prayed to the Easter Bunny and they’d have done it.” To phrase it in such a way, to show the care and concern not for a prayer but a true decision spoke worlds to me. Christianity is not a business, too often we forget that and measure success in the church with commitment cards or attendance increases. I have been to too many camps and choir tours to lead more students to a prayer when they don’t understand the gravity of.

I would much rather have some deep conversations with students throughout the night (and sometimes early morning as this last week proved) so that they can understand what Christianity is before they commit their lives to it. I think waiting for such decisions is more beneficial to the student also. If and when the decision happens they know what they are getting into. On the eternal scale I think there is more clarity too. They won’t have a question in their mind about some prayer they said some years ago at some camp. To high schoolers I try my best to mentally challenge them for the college/adult world they are soon to enter. One of the ways of doing that is helping them define themselves and their faith. The last thing I want to do is send someone on their way more confused about Christianity or what they believe than when I started.

One thing I learned from this week about youth ministry was patience. When I entered the week I had the mindset that I had one week to forever change their lives, either introduce them to Christ or get them to a mature place in their faith that they can live bold lives. At the leader meeting it was never under emphasized that often the fruits of youth ministry frequently are not seen for years to come, if we ever do get to see them.  As a youth leader I need to be satisfied with doing the most I can do for the time I have with them. I cannot rush them in their spiritual journey and my success or failure is not dependent on what happens in the course of the week. It is also an issue of trust and humility on my part to let God do his thing. It is not I that move the hearts and minds of the students but the Spirit working through me.

All in all it was a week I could not have asked anything more from. I am so recharged and encouraged by this last week it is indescribable. Having such fellowship with other believers is something I miss all too often. There were several times I was strongly lamenting returning back to the barracks in spiritual isolation again. To be able to remove my walls for a week only reminds me of where I am and what I am constantly doing. For those of you praying for me at home I thank you.

People Are Dying - When Is The Time Right?

Maybe I was just aiming for a catchy title to grab attention but we'll see how this one goes. I was pondering this morning from the sermon about the Samaritan Woman. The connection the chaplain made with the scripture and us was to bring the gospel to people. I can't say that is an incredibly original or new message yet it is never to be taken lightly. The Great Commission is a mandate to all of us who claim to be Christians. I don't want to take the approach of merely critiquing the sermon, I think it served its purpose.

The main thought I am pondering and developing is “when should the Gospel be presented?” I love Chaplain Tran's pursuit to encourage people not to be afraid of offending people, I agree with him, in this day and age people want church to be more like a psychiatrist to tell them “it is not their fault” or “they are doing the right thing”. At the same time, is it possible that there is a right and a wrong time to present the gospel? I know we have all seen examples and sometimes been the example how not to present the gospel. What about certain timings though? I am not thinking directly of the situational times such as making a segue while in a potentially compromising situation. More so, are some people ready to hear the gospel in such a way that they may respond and more importantly is it up to us to interpret when that time is?

I am constantly pondering this one; because often times when someone will start to open up I want to hold the topic of conversation that got us to discuss spiritual things. I often sense if I bring up the gospel without leading to it, it becomes preaching. I’ve noticed if you talk with person instead of at them, they are more likely to listen. I recall a message that I did not entirely agree with, the speaker was saying the average person will hear the Gospel seven or eight times before actually committing their life to Christ, on average. I think that attempts to generalize something far too personal and precious like the Gospel. I think it really only takes once, just presented the right way, if that person actually will surrender their life to Christ or not. I am not claiming to be the master of knowing how to deliver the Gospel to each person, I will say that I think there is a very right and wrong way to do it and each time it should be done prayerfully.

One of the many big questions I ponder at night before rolling over to sleep is how I should deliver the Gospel? When is the right time and is my waiting expressing the urgency that I should be acting on because I don’t know when people are going to die. How am I to be urgent and passionate about the Gospel without scaring someone away? The best answer I have come up with so far: Share the gospel through action, through lifestyle. Let them see holiness in how I live that they will praise our Father in Heaven. The hard part is that most people won’t question why I am so different, so they will ask at some point, perhaps that frustration is my impatience. This is why I must constantly be in the position to be ready to give an answer for the hope that I have.

Looking Back on 2005, Why I Joined the Army

 It has been some time since I have blogged lately, I think the re-enabling of my wireless and thus the ability to play WoW has had something to do with that. Anyways, a few days ago was the one year mark for me being in the Army. I figured it would be appropriate to chart my journey in this last year and how I got to where I am. I don't think I have actually written out why I did what I did so I'll also see what my thoughts of the Army were and what I think now having been there for my first year. There is a part of me that is thinking "woot, 1 down 3 to go".

I signed the papers in Sept of 04, as many of you remember I made the best of the time as a civilian I had left and spent much money in doing so, it was fun. I think everyone should try it once. My reasons for joining were never one single reason but there were more important reasons. I will attempt to explain in order of precedence. It might sound odd, but the one question I asked myself why I did this again was to get away from all that I knew to be familiar. I love you all dearly and have learned a great deal about how much that is since I have left, but at the same time I know the lessons I have been learning will develop me to be more successful in my ministry and life. I think at some point in time everyone should leave their comfort zone, for many I think it is manifested by going away to college, to others a full time job, and then there is the 2% of the population that joins the military.

I was not in any way unhappy with the life I had. More, I sought direction, and spiritually I wanted a challenge over time that I had not yet encountered. I think certain events through high school tested me on the moments but I had never been in the environment I wanted to reach out to. The spiritual growth I knew I would encounter would be unique and unlike something I had ever faced. There were two things that held me back for some time to make that decision, one was "Was it God's will?" and the other was leaving everyone that I love so much. Yea, I am getting all gushy writing this one too. Unlike Jonathan I didn't have to write an essay why I believe God directed me to the Army, I am very thankful of because I don't think I could've written one. I came to the conclusion after much discussing with my mentors (if they were, they still are) and seeking scripture. The whole idea about God leading us certain directions was very uncertain to me. The answer I concluded about if it was God's will that I join was determined that God does not generally direct us in such long term decisions. The questions about what college to go to, what should someone study, and all those life direction questions I think should truly be answered by ourselves. God has put the desires inside us what we want to do and what we know we should do. My recent findings in scripture when the Holy Spirit leads a person every time was in context to an immediate reaction, not life changing decisions that would encompass long portions of time. I think for the long term decisions we should go where, study what, and keep God included with all of those. I don't think where one goes to college is as important as how we take part in campus ministry. I think anywhere we work doing almost any job we can share Christ with those we work with through our actions and our work ethic. The jobs that I would be hard pressed to find righteous justification for doing so are such things as prostitution, stripping, dealing drugs ect. I wouldn't be so bold to say God can't use people in those positions; there just might be a conflict of interests in those. The biggest reasons were rolled into two reasons; the spiritual growth I knew I would experience and I just wanted to join. I suppose there was a part of me that figured if I could survive spiritually for 4 years then I could accomplish anything…

I think the getting away could’ve used a bit more explaining and counts as a whole other reason independent from the other reasons. I found it interesting talking to Kevin about this subject as well. He was telling me during the time I talked to him about my strong desire to join, he looked back at the people he went to high school with and noticed how so many have scattered all over the world. At a certain point in a man's life there gets this feeling in him to leave what he knows and discover. This is something mentioned in Wild At Heart. I thought about that for a little while, and noticed that I was the same age approximately as Jonathan at the time of my enlistment, so maybe there is a part of the whole Wild At Heart being manifested in the "gotta spread my wings" as I phrased it to many people. I don't think my parents hindered me, well, my mom is definitely over-protective but that is something to be expected. That is perhaps my best explanation for the "where does that desire come from?" question cause other than that, there was just something that hit me deep inside, not in the way I have felt the spirit move, but in a way that just told me to leave what was familiar.

In addition to the inward desire, I think it is commanded in scripture. Yes, we are to surround ourselves with other Christians to hold us accountable and spread Christ through community, at the same time we can't spend too much time in the same place without experiencing different things. I think within the means I had, my spiritual growth was ready for a kick in the stomach. So yea, there was a certain thing inside that said "do something different and radical" I think this was big enough. Having had independence, kind of, because I am under the Army's leash for the next 3 more years at least I think it is nice but somewhat over-rated. I laugh when I read forums and hear people complaining about freedoms when they have no idea what it is like to lose many of your freedoms. I think the military life has best been explained by my Uncle Alan. It is an institution in which people voluntarily live under a totalitarian rule so that others do not have to. Have my wings been spread? Yes. Do I feel freer that I was when I was a civilian? No. The most freedom I have felt or continually feel is the freedom from sin that Christ has granted me. If I see nothing else from those around me I have seen so many people with chains on their souls and they don't realize it and if you try to tell them they are chained down they'll either deny it or take it as a joke.

I have held the personal belief since I was in high school that I think every male should spend at least 2 years in the military or some form of service in their transition from teenager before they hit career age. I think my opinion is more validated that I was willing to spend this period of my life to serve this country. In doing so, much of the heritage I was raised with has grown in significance. I don't know many civilians that can draw tears with the sound of the Star Spangled Banner or to see Old Glory waving in the wind. The meaning to all that the United States is has changed greatly, in the way of appreciation. I will be hard-pressed to vote for someone that has not served in the military and claim to have national pride in such a way to represent me.

I suppose this also ties in with being a man of action. I do not ever want to be looked upon as a talker, or a watcher. When I say something I want to go through with it that my words may be validated by my deeds. There are times in the days most often when I am assigned to "area beautification" or what I call a "gopher (Go-For)" detail. I kind of chuckle when I see the AFN (Armed Forces Network, the closest thing to American TV we get) commercials thanking us for our service and whatnot. I mean there are plenty of those days when I think, what am I doing that is so special? I think some of that is within my desire to get deployed. I still long for my chance to do my part, not so much to fight the War on Terror, but to be there side by side with the other brothers in arms to earn what I have been thanked for so many times. Until I get deployed and do my time wherever the Army deems necessary I feel like it has been unearned thanks. Attached to this sentiment explains why I had to go Army or Marines. When I look to Jonathan and see his airborne wings, he is in combat arms, and downrange as I write this, I felt a duty to endure some of the same hardships he has endured. Yea, it is also kind of a macho feeling of hardcoreness. From easiest to most difficult, the progression goes Air Force, Navy, Army, and Marines. Frankly I didn't want to be with Marines, they get my hats off, but I am not that hardcore. Besides the Army let me pick my exact job, not job field like all the other services.

I was tired of school, or college. As simple as that may be it is the truth. I was bored, unguided, and tired of college. I didn't know where I was going, what I was studying, or why I was studying it. The worst of all, learning was no longer fun. To think of it, I had been going to school for 16.5 years so a break was needed, a nice long break. My options for what I could do as a break were fairly well narrowed down. The last year of college was perhaps my worst as far as school. Being the one of the high school interns I absolutely loved it, it was why I woke up every morning. I knew after that year that I wanted to continue in ministry wherever I go on my personal time and if I am lucky as a vocation. At that point in my life my options looked like: join the military, get a full time job, and keep going to school. I was clearly not satisfied with going to school, I had no direction to what I really wanted to study or why I was studying (or not studying). I think wherever we are; whatever we are doing, we should be enjoying it both in the ends and means. The full time job possibilities with my education level at that point in my life were bleak to say the least. I do not think if I got a full time job it would be in such a place to get me further in life than my previous activities; in fact I thought it would actually be closer to a dead end. There are not that many job opportunities that I think can really take you somewhere without a bachelor's or higher. The finale option was the military, financially it seemed like the best option I had, which brings me to the last reason I joined.

I thought this was a very economically healthy decision. I know I am pretty good with money, more so in not spending it, but I am wise with its management. I have yet to find a better opportunity for the disgruntled college student, recent high school graduate, ect. All I need to do is give years, and they give me clothes on my back, roof over my head, food in my stomach AND a pay check. Doing the math, in order to get the money left over from a job that I'd get from the Army I would've had to earn 2500-3000 month, that was a near impossible for someone in my position to find such a starting salary. I am not saying that is how much I do get paid, but that was the approximate amount I would need to be in the same position I am now in today. I still think that I am making out like a bandit in this deal. In the last year I have wasted so much money on stuff, and still saved so much money, while investing in a retirement fund. For example, this last year I have bought this laptop, over 150 movies, saved over 7k and gotten all kinds of other goodies. I don't think I will be able to live in this kind of luxury when I return to civilian life, so I am enjoying it while it lasts. When I get out I will have a great marketability with my job and life experience than someone with the same education level as myself. I think spending these years is greatly beneficial to me in the long term.

So what have I learned in this time period? Aside from all the fun soldierly stuff like throwing grenades, shooting an M-16 and all that fun stuff, I think much of it is written in my previous blogs. What do I think of the Army having experienced some of it in this year? I think it is an excellent place for a person to figure out what they really want to do, it provides opportunities that I think most people with my upbringing and financial condition could not provide for myself. Knowing what I know now about the Army would I have still joined? Yes. I don't regret my decision. What are the hardest things about the Army life? By far the spiritual warfare is the most difficult thing for me. The tangible difficulties are laughable; there are endless stupid things to deal with, so one can learn a bit more about patience. It is not a difficult life to live; then again I have always been a little different from those around me. I can deal with authority without a problem, more importantly in this position. Many people around me tend to not like the Army, but I think they are of the mindset unless they never have to work again or take orders they will be unhappy. Jim Ward said it best, "The Army is what you make it". I have chosen to better myself and learn as much as I can and I have enjoyed most of it.

Throughout the last year I have figured out what I want to do when I get out, it actually took only a couple weeks to figure it all out, after the army told me how I am spending the next 4 years. I know I want to go to seminary, whether it will be full time or part time is too far away to know. I am currently pondering between going to seminary full time and working at Hume my first summer out or getting a federal job with Homeland Security or something along those lines (That is the marketability I am talking about). The best situation I can hope for at this time is being able to work at Hume and while doing the federal job part time and doing seminary full time. I'll decide when the doors are closer and I can see what paths are available to be taken.

The most important lessons I have learned? For one, the studying and spiritual growth has been amazing. I have not always used my time as wisely as I should have, but I have used a good portion very well. How much I actually love everyone back at home, friends, family, so many of you on myspace (Facebook), I think I have learned the value of relationships a bit better. What I have learned I truly believe could've only been possible from the path I took. So here is to another year.

Epilogue: I did work at Hume Lake my first summer out. I did not go to seminary nor have any plans in the near future to go to seminary. I think at the time I was imagining a Bible College, from which I did graduate from.