Where’s the Love?

 I would like to say my month of silence has produced some deeply insightful revelations to write about, sadly the bulk of my silence is the result of mental complacency. I find it funny how often I can take a break from writing out my thoughts despite the constant sense of accomplishment and continued self-development when I maintain a pattern of writing; enough with my excuses, on to the blog.

I have found over the course of the last 3 years that it is especially enjoyable to read two books at a time. I started doing this because the wear and tear on a single book being transported on my person constantly became irritating, especially when it was a decently thick hardcover. Currently I am reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris (the younger brothers of Josh Harris) and Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I usually have opposing topics between the two books, but this duo has a certain common ground which I find even more enjoyable for each.

Blue Like Jazz (BLJ), subtitled "Non-Religious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality" is a tread softly emergent book. The author emphasizes Christian spirituality vs. Christianity. I would find a more appropriate comparison is Christian living vs. Christian Religion. In Divergently Emergent Church I mentioned the clear danger when dealing with Emergents due to the varying theology, as I am about halfway through it so far it seems okay. I chuckle to myself because the author throughout the book he casually mentions several prominent individuals such as Mark Driscoll and Josh Harris, but he did it in such a way as “The cussing pastor from Seattle named Mark” or “Josh, the guy that wrote a book about not dating”. Donald’s story is certainly a read welcomed to those turned off to religion. It is constantly a sad thing there are so many people turned off to Christianity because they have experienced Claiming Christians and not Christ. I’ll return to this as a bridge the two books.

Do Hard Things (DHT) is a battle cry to the American Christian Youth to challenge ourselves. The heart of the book I could not agree with more. I believe the 18-24 age group has the potential, constantly, to be the most powerful age group. Instead, be it the society which tells us if we want to be successful we need to stay in school for 22-24 years before we can potentially be useful, or our own laziness, or fear of risk. This is certainly a must read for Youth leaders and the youth themselves. The target audience of the authors is actually 13-19 as it is mostly devoted to teenagers and the accomplishments extraordinary teens have made past and present. Being that it has been more than 5 years since I left my teens and yet this book still encourages, I recommend it to all who want to impact the world.

Based upon the descriptions of each it doesn’t seem like the books would have much commonality. This is where the two meet each other, BLJ talks about a confession booth several Christian students made in the midst of a several day party at Reed College, under the connotation that the party lived up to the drunken orgies which celebrated all forms of debauchery. At the confession booth the Christians would apologize to the unsuspecting sinners about the mistakes of Christianity. In doing so the author tells the story of remarkable ground gained for Christ. On the flip side, multiple times throughout DHT when giving an example of different causes to impact the world examples like Ending Poverty, Curing HIV, and Saving African Children were given.

I agree whole heartedly with the theme of DHT in which Christians make a difference and living the faith in big ways. However, when compared to the confession booth which brought the drunk, stoned, and promiscuous into the arms of Christ, I had to ponder “Are the two methods consistent, opposing, or contradictory?” Is it just me or does it seems Christians tend to focus on making people moral instead of trying to reach a fallen world? While I support most of the social agendas of Christian organizations too often it seems fellow proponents get so focused on the legislation and policy they forget about the people it affects. Can we as Christians honestly ask ourselves that our faith has made us more known for our love or our hate? It often frustrates me that I fall in line often with the stereotypical "religious right nut job" due to my views; however, when those who disagree with me actually dialogue with me about how I think we ought to approach those I disagree with, or the improper tact of our supporters use, ground is often made both for the cause and for Christ.

I don’t think I would have gone so far as apologize to random individuals the sins of other Christians, at the same time Christians need to be honest about the mistakes that have been made throughout the world in the name of Christianity but not in accordance with Christ. One of my favorite clips illustrating this is in the Kingdom of Heaven. As Baelian goes to meet the King of Jerusalem we see this dialogue with a Knight-monk friend concerning a hanging they just witnessed.

“These men are Templars, they killed Arabs.”

“So, they are dying… for what the Pope would command them to do.”

“Yes, but not Christ I think, nor this King.”

When I think back to the early Church, amidst the Roman, Galatian, Ephesian, and Corinthian societies most anyone would agree that our culture is nowhere near their forms of cultural sin. Take your pick from the historical examples, the Coliseum which public entertainment was to watch people fight to the death, the cliffs used to cast undesired babies, or the rampant sexual promiscuity practiced throughout the land; Scripture doesn't address changing the laws of the land. It speaks of changing people's hearts, and with their hearts a minority of Christians shook the entire Roman Empire. Perhaps we ought to follow suit?

Slovakia Service Project 2007

I am still in the awestruck having gotten back so recently. I do want to write this while it is still so fresh in my mind. I had the privilege to spend this last week in Slovakia. The short version, I spent a week hanging out with some high school guys while building a playground and playing with some Slovakian children.

I refrain from speaking of this as a mission trip for the same reasons I mentioned in Prague Mission. Where do I start? Wow, to be in the presence of God’s creation, to be actively doing his work, it is so refreshing and recharging. To scream “Alive” at the top of my lungs is still an understatement.

Let’s start from the beginning. That goes back to November or so when I was working with Club Beyond, that is the military youth ministry, on post. Fast forward to the more recent months, where I have been very much so out of the loop what has been happening in Club Beyond. Most of the activities are on a different post, thus I am unable to attend and/or the meetings occur during duty hours.

It was I think in February that I got curious about what was happening with Club on Illesheim, so I shot and email over to the community directors. I mentioned Slovakia and at the time I was not needed, that was a bit of a downer but I am very used to bad news. About a week later it turned out that they did need me. The approvals went through and voila, I was going.

We left around midnight on Easter for a 15-18 hour bus ride (depending on how you count it), not a big deal. Being a choir tour veteran I have spent many a Spring Break on a bus. I was introduced with my four guys and Cotton, the other male leader. So yea, sleep on a bus, especially on the way over is usually something to be desired. After we get to the “village” it was a small camp that turned out to have communities from all over Europe of Club Beyond and Malachi (the other youth ministry program). I think there was between 700-1000 military teens altogether. We were split up according to work sites, which I could not spell my work site. The only thing it rhymed with would sound obscene.

Once we all got settled in our rooms, the first day it was just hanging out. There was an artificial soccer field next to the cabins and a basketball/volleyball court on the camp as well. The first day was the only one we had more than a couple hours of free time. After dinner we’d get on the buses to go to Club (youth group meeting). Then we’d bus back to the cabins for cabin time and sleep.

A typical day I’d get up around 0630, make breakfast for myself and the guys, get to the leader’s meeting. The meeting was about 30 minutes. From there gather all the things and make sure everyone was on the bus. We’d get to the site work all day and get back to the camp around 1630ish. Construction wasn’t the only thing we worked on, we also did VBS for the little kids, our students would lead Club for the Slovakian middle schoolers and we played with the kids sporadically throughout the days. That is all the basic what’s I can think of so you can get an idea of what I got to do.

The band at the evening Club meetings was 330 Plan, who happened to share the common bond of Hume with me. That connection was a nice reminder of great cloud of witnesses there are, especially when I was not expecting it. I had a nice little chat with them Saturday night to catch up on a little bit of what I have been missing back in California and in Hume. How I long to return there soon. By the way, I am about 95% certain I am reenlisting for 2 years (I am really only adding 3-4 months of time to my contract) this month. I am reenlisting to better set myself up for a transition into the civilian life.

There were some fine differences that I found interesting about this mission. I think in many ways it was much better than any camp I have been to before. The emphasis to live out Christ’s love to the Slovakian children while living the same love to our students was encouraging. On the humanitarian level, this project was incredible and made a difference in several towns. It was like mixing a short term mission with summer camp. I hope to find programs like that stateside to encourage people to support.

As far as the camp talks/sermons they were good, I had that sense of inclusiveness that is one of those sticky parts about gov’t sponsored ministry sorta… In order for Club Beyond to operate on military posts the leadership cannot discourage anyone’s current faith no matter what it may be. One of the humorous moments, I was talking with one of my guys, based on a guess of what the lessons would be like, and I called every single one. For those Hume veterans out there I think you know what I mean: Introduction to theme, Present Gospel, Purity or something of those sorts, Rededication, How to stay with it as the rough theme of each night’s message.

One of my thoughts concerning the method of teaching was how it correlated to non-Christian students in the course of a week. It seemed outdated or inappropriate for our current culture. For a truly evangelistic theme camp there are major places of the mind that I think contributes too many people getting the mountain top experience and then sliding down often as much as they climbed up in the following weeks upon experiencing God.

My first objection is to present the Gospel so early. The leaders should be living it throughout the week, at day two the leader and the students are still building trust and getting to know them. There are certain philosophical factors that I think are important to address before getting to the Gospel at such a place that it can be readily accepted. This is exemplified by the order in which most apologetic books address faith. I think the order in which the Gospel ought to be presented in terms of sermons/talks should be something like: Existence of Truth and Absolutes must be established; Showing how it is possible to know the Truth; The Bible is the Word of God; Then present the Gospel. I explain deeper why I think it is so important in Semantics or More.

I think under the current scheme of messages there is an oversight on the part of the mind. Given the course of a week a person’s heart in that environment can change drastically, however, I think that for it to be real it must also resonate in the mind, because like all matters of the heart emotions can be unpredictable and erratic. I do not think that is a healthy foundation for faith. The heart is often what starts to move people towards action. I think it is the mind that continues that action when the heart gets discouraged. This leads me to my second objection.

I was very pleased to find out there were no altar calls and there was not going to be one in the duration of the week. I know it sounds awfully anti-evangelistic to but opposed to altar calls but allow me to explain my reservations. I think it is best put forth with this event.

When I was working at Hume, Chris Brown was speaking. I have never heard a speaker with such talent for making scripture come alive the way he does. If you are interested here and here for sermons archives. Anyways, on the Gospel decision night, he spoke on the Prodigal Son. Upon closing the message he ended it with a prayer and invited students to stay and pray in the chapel and just “do business with God.” I had never seen such a high percentage of students stay, I can say with confidence easily 800 of the 1000 students in that chapel stayed that night.

The next day at a staff bible study he mentioned that he’d received complaints from counselors for leaving them hanging and not presenting the gospel or having an altar call. He responded with “At the place I had them, I could’ve prayed to the Easter Bunny and they’d have done it.” To phrase it in such a way, to show the care and concern not for a prayer but a true decision spoke worlds to me. Christianity is not a business, too often we forget that and measure success in the church with commitment cards or attendance increases. I have been to too many camps and choir tours to lead more students to a prayer when they don’t understand the gravity of.

I would much rather have some deep conversations with students throughout the night (and sometimes early morning as this last week proved) so that they can understand what Christianity is before they commit their lives to it. I think waiting for such decisions is more beneficial to the student also. If and when the decision happens they know what they are getting into. On the eternal scale I think there is more clarity too. They won’t have a question in their mind about some prayer they said some years ago at some camp. To high schoolers I try my best to mentally challenge them for the college/adult world they are soon to enter. One of the ways of doing that is helping them define themselves and their faith. The last thing I want to do is send someone on their way more confused about Christianity or what they believe than when I started.

One thing I learned from this week about youth ministry was patience. When I entered the week I had the mindset that I had one week to forever change their lives, either introduce them to Christ or get them to a mature place in their faith that they can live bold lives. At the leader meeting it was never under emphasized that often the fruits of youth ministry frequently are not seen for years to come, if we ever do get to see them.  As a youth leader I need to be satisfied with doing the most I can do for the time I have with them. I cannot rush them in their spiritual journey and my success or failure is not dependent on what happens in the course of the week. It is also an issue of trust and humility on my part to let God do his thing. It is not I that move the hearts and minds of the students but the Spirit working through me.

All in all it was a week I could not have asked anything more from. I am so recharged and encouraged by this last week it is indescribable. Having such fellowship with other believers is something I miss all too often. There were several times I was strongly lamenting returning back to the barracks in spiritual isolation again. To be able to remove my walls for a week only reminds me of where I am and what I am constantly doing. For those of you praying for me at home I thank you.

Remembering My First Love

This one hit me as I was pondering the activities and thoughts that encompassed this last weekend. Granted the mood extends a bit further than this last weekend, I dare say a couple weeks to a month. I haven’t been feeling spiritually in touch very much in the recent time period. Not so much hot or cold, but lukewarm.

When I put that description into actual thoughts I appreciated John’s letter to Laodicea so much more, I think have a greater appreciation. I recall listening to a Hume message about the churches in Revelations not too long ago. That is just where I know I have been lacking recently. I have been spending so much time reading books about God and good books at that. I wish I would read more often when I am home. In my scurry to get so much spiritually empowering material to set my mind on I forgot about reading scripture. I am looking back now seeing why I didn’t feel as whole as I had before. It was a really awkward feeling too, because I felt so-so. I don’t like being unable to define where I am lacking. I know when I am on fire and passionate, I know when I sin and I feel departed from the close communion that I had. The recent weeks have been filled with “ehhh”, the understanding and ability to look back on it reminds me how important it is to stay in the word. I made the mistake of thinking the spiritual books would be enough or just mad dashed to keep reading the books that I forgot about the one I have had with me all along.

Reading scripture for me has been a constant on and off struggle since my senior year, before then I don’t think I made that much of an attempt to really read scripture on a daily basis. Somewhere in my “busy” schedule I replace the time spent on something, hopefully good intentioned and get caught up so easily to forget to return to my first love. The bible is clear about what we need to focus on to stay plugged in, why is it so hard for me to follow through?

Why is it that when I am on the right track and feel my strongest I tend to fall so easily and without major incident so often? When on the defensive my guard is up, my head in the right place, once I get confident, my guard goes down and then I am writing another blog about failure. I still remember to never say “never” in a prayer, I am just tired of the cycle.

I treasure the conversations from this weekend on IM that got me pondering about spiritual things. I greatly underestimated the support that you all give me at home; every time I get to talk to you guys about real stuff it really encourages me. I was talking with one of the guys this morning about Kansas again, I am looking forward to it so much, not cause I don’t like Germany, but I am so alone out here. I’ve been whining about being lonely for months, probably cause it is never getting any easier. I will certainly be able to connect with people that have never been plugged into a strong church or at least share experiences, perhaps this is exactly what I was thinking of when I said I wanted to join “to gain life experience”. I hope the trials I have endured will be able to validate what I can say to so many that have left their church home and lost their passion. I hope from what I experienced and with God carrying me through it all I can encourage the college students in Kansas. Oh yea, apparently there is a major college across the street from the post. I hear so many statistics about people that leave their faith when they leave home, hopefully that statistic won’t be as high in Kansas.

Epilogue: Sometime after I wrote this and hoped so genuinely to move with my unit to Kansas, I was informed that I would not be going. I went to a new unit in Germany, it had its own blessings.

Why Don't I?

When I reflect upon what I have done on my own to grow spiritually over the last 4 or 5 months I find it comforting to know that I am frequently spending time to grow; be it through reading/studying or one of the several forms of media that I have. The most recent series I watched was some sermons by Andy Stanley out of a church in Georgia. He had an interesting series on the Gospels, similar to the route of Case for Christ, but emphasized what was most probable and how logically thinking people could deny the Gospel's truth. They had a nifty skit to see if Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John could stand on trial.

Anyways the "this" I refer to is my behaviors to seek Christ and grow spiritually. Although I do find it comforting to know that I am seeking God, a question hits me now and again usually while I am just pondering as I rake leaves or do some meaningless task. Why didn't I do this back at home? I mean since I have been here I have read a book, wrote several Bible studies, listened to probably more than a hundred hours of sermons and seminars. The majority of the resources I have had for quite some time. Why does it take me being in the most isolated place I have ever been spiritually, to seek active growth?

Take the Hume messages for instance, I have had those since the conclusion of the 2003 Summer. I think I might have listened to 2 weeks’ worth of messages to remember what they said. I was tracking which messages I had taken notes on and just listened to and so far I have gone through a couple fishermen conferences, a youth pastors' conference, and several weeks of summer camp messages and a few miscellaneous messages. Why does it take the harsh circumstances for me to finally be proactive? Maybe I see more opportunities to share with people so I want to follow 1 Peter 3:15 to be ready at any moment to give a defense for the hope that I have. That would be a great church answer wouldn't it?

Sadly I think it is because there is a part of me that wants to be independent. I wouldn't try to say why I want to be so independent so often, could be part of my personality maybe that is how I was taught with the whole American part, maybe it is because I am a child of Adam. I think many people can try to link events in our past to psychoanalyze why we behave the way we do, with this I think it the Adam part in us. One of the biggest things that I have learned in my spiritual walk is that this life is about depending on God.

So often we hear the sermons and messages about accepting God and becoming a Christian but this is something that I think has occurred to me over time. People that see Christianity like a bunch of rules often miss the point of making God our God. I like to stress the importance of the relationship with Christ. The close personal connection is where we learn the deeper purpose of why we are instructed to do what we do. All the while we still have that part in us of wanting to be independent. I don't think that can be called our sin nature to want to be independent, or can it? That is pretty scary thing to consider, sin is the separation from God, so if the desire to be independent from God... I think that can qualify. Whoa... So does that extend the dangers of freedom into the rest of our lives?

I believe that all the principles of our Christian lives should overflow into our entire beings, but this thought is pretty scary. I think you might see where this is going, is freedom a bad thing? Phew, when I get to this point I can easily say "no". Our freedom of choice is paramount in our ability to sin and God loving us enough to let us do what we want. So from that angle freedom is a good thing. I suppose what got me on the path of pondering its potential was that freedom is able to be used for good or evil. Looking back at where my thoughts were going, the potential to do wrong is always present, I often wish I did not have that potential but it is something I must continue to battle daily.

This really got me thinking from the last sermon I saw. It was about Zedikiah and the overall behavior of the Jews throughout the Old Testament. The repeated process that we see throughout the Jewish history from the time of Saul until Zedikiah, the last King of Israel, was a pendulum of faithfulness. Jeremiah warned Zedikiah to repent from his ways and he wouldn't so God stepped back and let Nebuchadnezzar do his conquering thing. Granted when I do my own thing I don't go as far as Zedikiah got nor was I disciplined as harshly. Mr. Stanley had a really true statement I found great value; God does not discipline those he loves to punish them, but to win them back. How often do we have to get to our wits end before we'll turn around and do it God's way? If you are anything like me, I will usually get so far or so devoted and not see the danger or see the need to keep the guard up and then I am repenting, again.

I hate to think this cyclic process is a lack of commitment on my part, but how dumb am I that I keep falling for the same things every time? I mean this is a tried and true cycle, not quiet set to a calendar but good grief talk about repetitiveness. That was much of my spiritual behavior back at home and not that far from what it is here. I know I don't fall as often as I did when I was at home because the danger is much more apparent and constant. What I keep returning to, is why do I only respond to the danger I see? After all Ephesians 6:10-13 clearly tells us that we are fighting the unseen. This goes right back to the material from Romans 6, probably the most studied chapter that I have heard commentaries and looked at, and I still fight, sometimes I win sometimes I loose. When I lose I recall a bit from I think it was Todd Arnet that said it, it was something along the lines "I am not activity constantly fighting sin, because if I was, it would've been long gone from me. I fight sin in bursts, and when I sin, it is because I wanted to."

Epilogue: As I read through this to correct the grammar and typos, I was grieved by the blatant pride I had in the faith that was so important. I survived that trial of faith by the God's provision alone. I was reminded why I embraced Reformed Theology so much, that I had to be humbled. Reformed Theology is a non-essential discussion Christians can have with each other upon finding the common ground of basic orthodoxy. This simply reminded me why Reformed Theology was necessary for me.