Showing posts with label Physical Training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Physical Training. Show all posts

May 19, 2016

Look Forward for the Rainbows

The perspiring bubbles on my forehead are about gone. There remains a pleasant level of lactic acid still in my shoulders. At the beginning of this semester I started jogging again. With the encouragement and company of a friend from church, who is in far better shape than I, we have been able to share the camaraderie of hardship, sweat, and good conversations. Did I mention how much like to run? Some people have difficulty eating beets, I have difficulty doing cardiovascular exercise. I will devour any foul tasting health food but voluntarily get me on a regimen of cardio, that is a struggle. Yet, somehow knowing I have a friend to endure the pain with, makes it easier. There have even been enough progress that I go without him. What is it about shared hardship that bonds people together? In the range of types of hardships both theoretical and experiential the net is wide. Whether the rigor is from a sports team, stress from challenging classes, or dare I say even war, there appears to be a consistent bond people build with such joint experiences. I might go further to say the more intense the hardship the stronger the bond. I built great friendships with my friends and colleagues on each of my deployments, but there was no measure that would compare the bond of our staff positions versus forward positions who endured more tangible forms of stress. Even as I look back to my summers at Hume, the bonds formed are quick and deep. A similar feature of as those bonds are quickly formed while working at Hume are among the most demanding experiences I have had within the civilian realm.
Even as I reflect upon this first year of graduate school, there is a good deal of camaraderie from the shared struggle to accomplish our tasks. I have never had to read and comprehend as much material as I have done in this last year. If one does not belong, it will be evident. This was a constant question I had throughout this year, “What am I doing here? Can I really hack it?” Well, one year down, two more to go. I trust the professors enough to tell me if I don’t and they haven’t yet.
Are the bonds formed through hardship a peek into our natural soul? Our brokenness is what brings us before the Cross. The majority of our faith journey is more about our constant failures and occasional successes that bring us closer to Christ. In many ways, the Christian life is predominantly a one-sided relationship. God is sufficient. Therefore, there is nothing he lacks or desires that will make him more complete. Us on the other hand, are far from sufficient. Even the most independent self-sufficient homesteader still relies upon the constant rhythm of the heart beat to continue to assert independence. The whole of life is grace, some have the opportunity to recognize it more deeply than others.
Are these echoes of hardship and the lessons that come from them their purpose? Marriage serves as an analogous relationship between Christ and the Church. Are our individual relationships analogous to our relationship with God? By default, our relationship with God cannot, nor should not ever be equal. It is the most appropriate relationship between an inferior and superior. At the same time, many friendships begin with a more dominant aspect than the other. Those starting differentials might be talent, means, experience, or whatever. There are few relationships wherein both parties are fully equal. Even if they are, the bond is genuine because there is no tally to be kept. The differential of friendships often shift over the years, often such movements in the relational dynamics are signs the bond was not bound by a time or place. This is certainly one of the lessons about friendships adults tend to learn more than children. I have a number of friends whom I see far less than I would like to. Our paths have lead us in different places, but oh when we can be near one another again, joy. Much joy is to be had.
I also consider these thought with the ever so popular problem of pain. Much of American society has set their goal in life to avoid pain at much as possible, in doing so they avoid the character and discipline that has so often been revealed and formed through such experiences. Hardship does not create one’s character, it only reveals the character that was already present. I do not think this approach to pain is exclusive to Christ followers, but the knowledge of a good God does make such trials infinitely more possible to endure. I know of many faithful Christians with hard stories who repeat a common theme through their hardship. They are grateful for the perseverance and support that carried them through, but continued to nourish the hopes that the hardship may come to an end, if it is to be so.
I am reminded of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah aka Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. When presented with the fiery furnace they stood before the test, no knowing how it would end. The most probable and reasonable end rates among the worst ways to die, despite this “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” I can only wonder, if the trio were not close before, this trial was a recurring example of God’s faithfulness.
Are the challenges we have each day proportional rainbows of God’s faithfulness? Rainbows can be made from something as simple as a spray bottle or be the result of a glorious storm. The vibrancy and brilliance often depends upon the source. The best rainbows come from the passing of powerful storms. So too our lessons in faithfulness. We are given talents each day to invest or bury. We know what the right answer is, but will we be willing to follow through? What if I could look forward to the next challenge God would carry me through instead of dread the temporary pain?

Mar 22, 2006

Last Chance


So today was it, my last chance at passing my physical training (PT) test before the unit moves to Kansas. It was a really big deal. I have been flagged since November which makes a damper on many privileges as well as makes it very difficult to get favorable actions like moving units. In addition, from Dec till the middle of February I was on a remedial PT schedule that was 6 days a week, and was fun for about a month. The rest of the duration was a pain in the hindquarter. Even more, last week a memo came out that those that did not pass this PT test would not receive PCS awards. Permanent Change of Station is when people go to a new post/unit. If you did well at the unit you are leaving you should get a PCS award. I was hoping to get one:
A)   My squad leader has been spending the last 2 weeks writing the recommendations
B)   My dress uniform is rather bare still, so anything that can go on it would be nice.
C)   The awards are worth promotion points when I am trying to get sergeant, but that is not something I have been worry about much at all.

The part that this means the most for me is I can continue to try to go back to the US with my unit. The paths I would have to take to get that accomplished would either be released by the European Command to go with my unit that would love to take me, or re-enlist. The re-enlist part is unlikely because I need 17 months’ time in service to do so, and I am roughly 3 months short, so I'd need some kind of high ranking action done to allow me to re-enlist. If this did not go well, I would have no chance to make an effort to further try to go to a unit other than the one I am currently slated to go to. If I must stay in Germany I want to go to a unit that does what I was trained to do, which aside from being far more stimulating and interesting greatly furthers my possible career paths in the Intelligence community if that happens to be a door that God opens when I get out of here.

I know I have mentioned it several times before about my loneliness here, manly the spiritual isolation from not having any single Christians to fellowship. My lack of transportation doesn't exactly help me to go looking for other Christians beyond the base. The biggest reason I want to go back to the US is that I believe I will be able to find more single Christians than here. The reasoning, in Europe most of the posts are small, they don't have very large forces of people and the posts are all over the place. Every single post in the US has at least several thousand personnel; I think 5-10,000 is a safe estimate for many of the posts across the US. My reasoning, since people that live their lives like me is rather uncommon Army-wide, if I am on a post with several times more people I will have better chances of finding people to fellowship with. I know there are no promises of finding others, but the chances are greatly increased. If I am blessed enough to get to go to Kansas the post is literally across the street from K-State, so at the very least I could check out the Campus Crusade/Navigators campus outreach programs around there. I hope to go to a post that I would not do personnel type of work or go to a post with a larger population that fellowship has better possibilities.

The recent weeks have been very difficult. Two weeks ago was I found out that I could not go home for Easter, which hurt. Last week the list came out for who was going to Kansas, as of now not I. I am slotted to go to a small post near Nuremburg, with a small post comes all the frustrations that I presently have. Playing the odds, it doesn't look to good so far. The semi-regular flow of bad news has really been getting to me. Last week I was really depressed and just had nothing to smile about. It is bad when one cannot smile or even force a fake one until it is real. My light at the end of the tunnel was dimmed and the tunnel got four times longer. It has only been seven months of a two year tour if I stay for the entire time. So far it looks like that's happening. Seven months, as long as that seems it is little more than 1/4 of my time on the other side of the ocean. I don't hold anything against Germany in itself; I have not even been able to properly travel yet. That goes hand in hand with not having someone I can easily hang out with.

Therefore, I think you get the idea about how much this PT test matters. Because of all the extra PT training I was rather confident that I had this run in the bag. The last PT test I was four seconds short on the run, it was 20 degrees and some of the route was icy. Monday I wanted to run the PT route with my pacer, to make sure it was in the bag and there was nothing to worry about. We started the run after a light chest workout at the gym, because well, we both really like doing the bench press. We started going and about 1/2 mile into it we stopped running cause we were going way too slow. The time I needed was 15:54 so for the 1/2 mile mark 4 minutes is acceptable; I think he said we were around 5:30-6 minutes at that mark. We ended up doing sprints a little further and the way back; the whole time when I wasn't gasping for air I was confused how I could be running so slowly. The test run did not set my mind at ease, it did quite the opposite. I didn't do any PT Tuesday, it is standard practice of the Army to not do PT the day before the test, and I made a big effort to take it easy when the day was done. It was another long day which is kind of the curve for the following weeks. I had a light dinner, watched Fantastic 4, and did some reading in John, Romans, & Jude. I really haven't been reading as much as I used to, I need to make a better effort to fix that. I went to bed at nine, an hour early to make sure I was well rested for my 0530 alarms. About the sleep last night... yea, I haven't had one like that since the night before I went to Basic. I am pretty sure I woke up at 10:30, 11:30, 12:15, 1:40, 2:30, 3:30, 4:15, and finally 5:30. The beginning of the night I was able to roll over and go back to sleep but from about the 12:15 mark on I laid awake from a weird dream about details changing or me thinking I took the PT test already and just head twisting things like that, so I didn't sleep too well despite my efforts to sleep well. I got some "sport beans", supposedly energy jelly beans, for the run to try help in any way it could because I was in somewhat of a desperate state all of Tuesday through much of this morning.

At least I was not late to the PT test. Step one was out of the way. I took a protein shake right when I woke up because I usually do perform better with some protein inside me. The push-ups went normal, no problems, I think I might be slowing down but that might just be a lack of competition. The sit-ups went okay, not great by still around 90%. Then the run, I have a certain problem being able to breathe and run at a halfway decent pace. There is something about PT tests that really set my breathing at an off pace. It was a rather nice morning, it was almost sunny couldn't have been colder than 40 degrees which is really warm in recent history. The “go!” went off and the run wasn't going too well. I think the jelly beans were a bad idea, cause they stirred me around the 1/4 mark. I kept gasping for air and Teddy was yelling at me for roughly the whole duration. It wasn't the most painful run I have ever had but it was by no means easy. The last PT test I was at 7:25 at the mile mark and I was still short. I wasn't sure how it was going until I got in range; I was at 7:38 for the halfway point, not terrible but not too good. I was certain although everything inside me was trying to go at max speed that an old lady with a walker could've passed me at my pace. The chaplain was at the last 100 yards to help encourage me to sprint it out, he has been a good source of encouragement for the last couple PT tests. I ran it in and I was certain the numbers I heard counting were 58... 59... and instantly thought NOOOO!!!!!!! Then the next second he said "15:30!" I nearly collapsed, I was so happy and I really was that tired. I suppose this might be a turn for better, I definitely have more hope and can continue to try to go to Kansas. Although my chances are still really low, they are still better than 0.

Mar 3, 2006

GAR WHY WHY


I think I have made it more than clear on multiple occasions that I am really spiritually isolated over here and was looking forward to going to Kansas with the rest of my unit. At the beginning it was a letdown because I didn't get much of a chance to explore the lands. I found with the company that surrounds me, I would rather not go explore the surrounding countries with them. They don't want to hit the same sites as myself. In addition the overall spiritual atmosphere or lack thereof has been probably the most continually trying I have ever experienced in my life. As the time passed, I realized I am the only single Christian out of the 280 people in my unit. Due to the overall likelihood that I'd be going to Kansas, I started to accept it.
I talked to people that had been there and found that a major college was very close by. The thought of a very large post in addition to a large college campus, in my mind greatly increases the chances of finding more single Christians. I figured I was most likely to go to Kansas out of everyone in my section because I had been there the longest, I wanted to go, and I thought one of us had to go. Well... two of the three are true.
I got the word from my officer, who can actually talk to the commander about what is really happening, because I still didn't really know if I was staying or going. I was about 80% sure I was going and was happy with that situation. Well as it turns out, I am not slated to leave. The bad part is that it comes from the European Command, so I can't get that changed unless I re-enlist. Something I have learned, if you ever want something that truly benefits you from the Army you have to re-enlist to get it. I got put on a list that gives me a special opportunity to re-enlist without adding my time, since I am supposed to be out by Jan 09, I could sign the paper for 3 years and be out in Mar 09 instead, not a high price to pay to go somewhere else.
I anxiously awaited to find out what options were available for me to go, this should’ve been quite a few since everyone needs my job specialty everywhere... I find out from the re-enlistment NCO that I can't re-enlist because I am flagged for PT. That is I have not passed a PT test yet. Oh wait it gets so much better though, because the meeting I had this morning about the re-enlistments, is why I missed the PT test today!!! The last one I missed by 4 seconds, it was 20 degrees outside and just ugly. It wasn't that much better but I know my running has improved that I can confidently say I will pass the next test. So where does that leave me? I don't know. Worst case scenario today was the only day to re-enlist for that deal. Best case scenario I will take and pass a PT test sooner than next month and I can re-enlist and go somewhere else. I am thinking best option and actual chance will be Ft Lewis WA. I guess part of this is to come back and bite me because it is my fault I haven't passed the PT test... Garr this is irritating.
I think a lot of me was in a mode to just keep going until I got to Kansas. The weekly cycle is so routine and hard at the same time. I don't have anything against getting out of my comfort zone as I know I lived most of my life. Basic and AIT were not this hard spiritually. It continually wears on me, not having an active community of support or other Christians to fellowship with on other than Sunday. I don't know how people that only attend church once a week can spiritually survive. It is so harsh and I have little reason to believe it could be much better in any other unit in Europe cause all the units are small everywhere. From what I hear, my chapel is one of the largest in the European Command as far as participants, I think there are about 40-50 regulars.
I hope this trial turns for the better. Perhaps I am approaching this new development with a hard heart because I saw what I wanted and made plans and hopes of something not in my control. Maybe this is a flash to remind me I am not the one in control. I love the people I am around and I know the Gospel has been lived through me at points that they know I am different for God. It hurts to think that I will be in this spiritual situation for so much longer though...