Fair Oaks Rock Choir Tour 2008

Written 22 March 08

Rock Choir Tour '08

How can one encompass the experiences of this past week in written format? This was by far the most memorable tour I have been privileged to embark upon, does not seem sufficient. I recall the brainstorming process for this blog. Is this going to be a flurry of emotions and joys? Not exactly my usual prose. Would I write my thoughts about the direction of the youth ministry and the trust I have concerning this next year? Would I write exhortations and advice as though this is a farewell letter to those I bonded with over this past week? We'll see where it goes.

The knowledge that my stay in California is at its closing has me almost regretting I ever joined the Army. I once again must leave so many that I love. At the same time it is through the Army that I have been able to support so many students, be it in California, Germany or Slovakia. The end surely justifies the means. I do not question my belief in my duties as a soldier, however, I am anxious to resume the life in youth ministry. I am joyful about the week, I can't express that enough. Only a few of the seniors knew me before I was a soldier, as life happened I was only able to visit here and there. Be it a youth group or a handshake on a Sunday morning I was not connected with the students on the level of a true friend. Living with the new generation of students over the past week has removed the obscurity that once existed. I wish I could continue to know and guide the students in their high school endeavors, I know most of them will be on the eve of graduation when I return but I won't be starting from scratch.

I think I underestimated how much this tour would impact me. When I first thought about going on Tour it was such a longshot I did not seriously entertain the idea until months after and when it was a real possibility that I would go on tour I was wrapped up in ensuring I could honor my promise and contribute to the direction of the ministry. I believe this last week came together by God's grace and guidance, the coordination of so many variables not within my control is what I consider to be an Act of God. When I finally found myself in the midst of the students I don't think I seriously could have forecast what was to occur. I am a tour veteran but a Rock Choir rookie. Most of the students with whom I bonded with, did not know me prior to Tour. I was starting from scratch. I cannot be so arrogant as to say that I am a natural youth minister, despite me, everything fell into place.

I pray that I offered myself as an appropriate example to the students. I recall my days when I was the freshmen and what I have learned since over the years about youth ministry. I pray that I offered myself as the embodiment of love and not some goofy guy that they politely returned smiles to. There is a part of me that wishes I had spent more time focusing on discipleship, teaching theology, apologetics and the Christian worldview, or trying to prepare them for the life that awaits many of them in the coming months.

I recall a discussion with Missionary friends about the differences between High School and Jr High Ministry. I have always preferred high schoolers because they are closer to becoming adults. It is those years when they become responsible for their own acts. Teenagers start to form their character and identity. Junior Highers are often at this semi-child adult limbo filled with new chemicals that makes those years especially interesting. My friends noted that they preferred junior highers because all they ask is "Do you like me?” High schoolers approach you as "Do I like you?". I do agree and believe high schoolers can be more stubborn and difficult to minister to; however, I have yet to see a wall love cannot break through. I try not to discount the work of the Spirit but my experience with so many that have been in youth ministry and that have gone on multiple tours but have still walked away... it pains me to see it happen. I hope that every student I interact with will see God's will for their lives and live it accordingly. Our youth today does not recognize their potential, I think in much the same way my generation.

I have had this constant fear when I am with the students that they see me as nothing more than a goofy guy. While I do believe I behaved in a goofier manner that I normally do, I hope it was conveyed as the love I wish to convey to them that Christ has bestowed upon me. I constantly have the message Darin McWatters said at a "Guy's Talk." Based upon his observations the purpose of the adult human male was to be entertaining, nothing more than a jester really. He proceeded to challenge the guys present to be more. As far as a social forecast for the purpose of men, I think he was dead on. I have seen far too many young men and developing men that have bought into that mentality and performed excellently in that capacity. However, they did not go beyond it, they did not develop themselves as spiritual leaders and some have fallen from the faith. It does not pain me that they have walked the path they chose, it does pain me to know that they are missing out on so many of God's blessings if only they would remember who is God.

I do not believe I am a natural leader. I do not enjoy being the center of attention. However, seeing the condition of the faith and not being satisfied with what I have seen has brought me to learn how to be a leader. I was thinking the other day how interesting it is that every single member of the Army is trained to be a leader in some capacity. One must make a purposeful effort to avoid the opportunity to be a leader. When compared to the typical life of a civilian, many who grow into leadership get far fewer opportunities over the same amount of time. It is apparent to me that people who do not want to accept personal responsibility certainly would not want to be responsible for others. Yet, to delegate leadership for the good of all is the backbone of the modern Army. Too often leadership has been perceived as an opportunity to gain power. While it can be a grab for power the purpose of the given power is the victim of improper attitudes about leadership. I see every Christian man as a potential leader, I see them as better potential leaders than myself, and I hope to encourage those whom I interact to be those leaders.

I am attempting to mentally prepare myself for the next year, to remain faithful and continue to grow in my relationship with Christ as well as encourage others in their faith. It is difficult to know I am leaving the students once again. The hope that I will return to be there for them is what will get me through 2008.