The recent weeks of many boring details and monkey-work has lead to some interesting chats as well as lots of time for me to think. So let's see where this one takes me. One of the topics of discussion was that of how our parents raised us. I think that is very important aspect of one's overall development and certain aspects of which I noticed common patterns from people I have known and observed throughout my experiences here and home. The way I tend to explain my raising was that Mom tried to shelter me and Dad laid it out to us when we were in Jr High that we were on our path to define ourselves. From about that point on I think I made the best efforts I can and continue to do so to be aware of things that are around me. I think my general personality and desire to understand what I do not understand also added to my experiences and thoughts compiled in this blog.
The main topic I found seems rather sad that I have noticed in people around here, that I think directly relates to their raising was if they were "sheltered" or not. From talking to a number of people, in addition to seeing how they react when left to behave on their own, it is rather apparent as to how they were raised in that aspect. I think I have room to relate because after all, mom tried to shelter me. This was manifested in restricting the TV shows, movies, & video games I watched and played. I do not disagree that she meant well in trying to protect us from those topics, and how certain aspects of humanity are displayed, namely sex, drugs, alcohol and violence. I think often when a parent takes an interest in what their child is watching and playing it shows how they care and value what their child experiences.
From my point of view by the time I was 16 I was pretty well set in what games and TV shows would influence me and how. I am not aiming to say that sheltering a child is harmful in the long run, but I do believe it should be done for a rather short period in one's development. How long that period lasts like the manner in which the child will be exposed to certain things are in the hands of the parents. I would comfortably say until about Jr High when other people and things have a greater influence in defining one's self.
What I have observed from others, who have been raised in the sheltered environment, tends to be rather sad. I know their parents wanted to protect them from what the world is really like, because I think for anyone who has spent a year in the real world can agree it is not pretty out there. My own analysis tends to think that because the person was protected and did not experience what the world was like but kept in a bit of a bubble, once they get the sense of all the things there are to experience they get rather crazy. They are confronted with so many decisions about so many things that they have no idea about, they often go with the crowd on decisions that usually don't benefit one's self.
The sheltering feeling is known by the child. The definition of child is not a person under 12 years of age. I suppose teenager would also suffice as the proper subject of this. I knew my Mom was trying to shelter me; I didn't like it at all, when I was with Dad I was free to explore and learn more. That usually meant hearing things & seeing things that would be risqué or downright crude and inappropriate, but I was able to define those things for myself. The way I interpreted my Mom's efforts at that time was that she was in a little dream world and figured if we didn't know about wrong we could not do wrong. At this point I think is was how my Mom thought she could best encourage us to live a Christian lifestyle. I often interpreted it as a lack of trust or a non-belief in my own competence to know what is right and what is wrong.
When I phrased that last sentence in my mind, the idea of Free Will instantly popped into my head, after all, at the Garden of Eden it was that Adam and Eve used their Free Will to sin and separate us from God. Through the blood of Christ are we able to get with God again as Adam and Eve once knew him. I am a strong believer in using Free Will and I think I understand why Free Will exists, I am pretty sure I have blogged about that before. God as our Father, has given each of us free will and in a way I think a parent that shelters their child temporarily removes some of the free will until the supervision of the parent is no longer over the child. I am tempted to say that might be the case in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, although it was a parable, I know similar stories of people doing their own thing and having experiences of life and learning has come back to God in repentance. Actually, that is every one of us; at some point I know we have all left God and returned to Him so maybe it applies for more than I see at the moment.
I have found that many people who were raised in what they describe a rather "religious" atmosphere the majority by now have turned their back on that aspect of life and at best leaves God in terms of a guy way up there with little or no practical application of daily life. It pains me to see because I truly believe that their parents meant well in doing what they could to protect their child, and in a way it was that very protection that set them up for a very rocky trip that often doesn't work out too well. Hopefully somewhere down the road they might return to God or be introduced to him on a personal level. It is sadly a very common thing to see in my current atmosphere.
There a many young adults with regular paychecks left to do whatever they want within the limits of the law. When the law of man is the limit, I think I want to get into a duck and cover position and hope no one gets hurt in the process. I know it is up to a person to do what they want and live how they want to. However, from my point of view and my over analysis of every single thing I do and think about, I am at a unique position to observe those around me and because of my relationship with Christ I know there is so much more to life than people live out. I often pray that me being here is useful for more than writing interesting blogs and having things to think about.
My Dad prepared me for the world I was about to enter. I know I still have much to learn, but the most important things, such as "Who Am I", and "What Am I Here On Earth For?" I am confident in the answers. I have seen and continue to see the vast majority of people not having any idea to the answer to those questions; I think that is the reason why peer pressure so easily influences people. I was talking to Adam, a Christian in my platoon, after one of the long work days and he was commenting about how different I am because I have defined myself before I got to this place and from that I have been able to stand firm against much more pressure than some people he has known.
I believe a parent's task is to prepare their child for life away from them. The best way to go about it is to help them define who they are and want to be, once that is established and held firmly, all other aspects of life are mere details. I greatly value being raised in the church atmosphere, but I do credit much of my grown passion and sprouted desire to known God on the personal level from the Christian influences around me in the early teens. I think that is why I have a passion for youth ministry because I know how much it encouraged my own relationship with Christ and I hope to share it with people at very pivotal points in their lives.
I do find it rather comedic that a 21 year old single guy is writing about raising children in this one, I suppose it may also mean I am thinking a little bit ahead. I don't think I have a place to try to tell any parent how to raise their child. I write this to put my own thoughts on how I have noticed people react to how they were raised. I hope that when my time comes, I will be able to figure out more than what not to do but what to do.
Epilogue: The meat of this blog is still true. I do have a much different view of free will than I did at the time of this writing.
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