19 Years Ago...

Today marks 19 years since Dad went home. From this day forth, each day I live will be more than the days I had with him. This milestone bears some reflections.

I had some reflections a few years ago, and they all still ring true. What do those 19 years mean? It means my Dad did not see the fruit of his labor on this side of Heaven. I know he would have preferred us to serve as officers but Brother and I both served as enlisted soldiers in the Army. He did not get to be the proud father to see his sons return from war. The kind of pride a Father has not for the merits of the mission but for the sense of service and duty it proved. The faithfulness to our family ethos carried on from his generation to mine.

He did not get to see his son serve in his church in his own right. I grew up as an usher about as young as I could. It certainly felt a bit off being one of the few students in a suit from the earlier service, but I got to be one of the ushers. The time spent in the count room after offering was invaluable for this young impressionable pre-teen to listen to righteous men chatting about life, faith, and their adventures. Most of whom were older than Dad. It is invaluable to surround our young men with the presence of older men who have endured the challenges of life and remained faithful to their families and faith. I got to serve in our church’s youth ministry for the better part of a decade. I got to pour into students as the men who poured into me.

He did not get to see his son graduate from college. There was a nagging uncertainty. My accomplishments in high school granted me guaranteed admission to a SoCal UC. I never applied to go anywhere. Between my Dad’s health and the state of the home, it was not time for me to leave yet. There certainly were ups and downs, as I would expect every household to have as a boy is trying to figure out what it means to be a man while living at home… like many from my high school and station in life, I went to the local community college. Why? Because that is what one is supposed to do after high school, right? That aimless direction contributed to my notably declined success during my high school days. Knowing how my Dad was always so surprised by my academic achievements from my public school days, those grades would not have been significant to him. It would have only mattered that I was achieving more than he did. Little would either of us have known it would take me more than a decade to finish my Bachelor’s degree. I brushed off my graduation, almost forgetting to attend commencement. Graduating from college separated me from many of my generation. Between our childhood socioeconomic status, the single-parent upbringing, and military service, I was already on a road traveled by few. Who would have thought that road would continue to be “less traveled” as I move from my upbringing to this career in academia? He will not get to see me hooded as I graduate with my Ph.D. this Winter. He will not see the family I will one day have, the generations of students I will get to teach. If my current course evaluations are any indicator, I think I’m on the right track.

He will not get to see the man I have grown to be. For all the bumps and bruises this thing called adulthood has been, Dad left off when the journey barely began. He set out to make us men. It has not been a metric of romantic conquests, the amplitude of gaseous expressions, or the number of houses/cars I have accumulated. No, it has been faithfulness to the upbringing that he committed to that we love God and serve others.

Our Vietnam: Reflections on Operation Enduring Freedom

One of those questions GWOT (Global War on Terror) vets has never wanted to know the answer to from the previous generation of veterans was what it felt like to lose Vietnam. We have a bit more of an understanding of how that feels today. However, I will never know what it could have felt like for those returning veterans to face the ire and disdain from their fellow Americans for going to Vietnam, voluntarily or not. I was not a soldier in Afghanistan; I was a civilian working side-by-side active-duty Airmen in Kandahar for 14 months. I was a soldier in Iraq, and watching the Taliban take Afghanistan this weekend is more disheartening than it was to see ISIS rise to power. The sadness and frustration I feel are being echoed universally across my veteran-oriented social media groups/pages. We did our duty to our nation and our fellow service members, and we will need to be satisfied with that.

It was common knowledge in Iraq in 2009, once we left, a terrorist group would rise, we did not have a name for them, but we knew their tactics, techniques, and goals. ISIS filled that void in our absence. We were uncertain what our response would be? Luckily we did respond, and we defeated ISIS in 2016. As best as I can tell, Iraq has been a mostly stable nation in the region since 2016. The particularly disheartening factor with Afghanistan now is knowing it will be more challenging to go back in than 2001. I will attempt to describe my understanding of what went wrong in Afghanistan and why we are watching what we are.

The first failure of Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF), aka the War in Afghanistan, was the lack of clarity about the objective or victory conditions. It was not a war because Congress did not make a declaration of war; instead, like most of our overseas military operations, it was a police action via the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF). President Bush repeatedly claimed we would make Afghanistan into a democratic nation. A democratic republic like that of the Western countries was a foolish goal. As we have seen with numerous non-Western nations (to include Russia and China) who have not had an Enlightenment like the European nations, democratic governments have been less stable, to say the least. To think we could create a Western country in the “Graveyard of Empires” was a demonstration of hubris and foolishness. I would point to the American Founders who described the social conditions necessary for a democratic republic to survive. The lack of understanding of what conditions are required to create a democratic nation is one of my significant criticisms of the neoliberal foreign policy model. A model we have been engaging in the post-Cold War and GWOT periods. Yet, President Bush repeatedly claimed this was the goal.

President Obama had less lofty goals. As Iraq withdrawals began in 2009 following my first deployment, President Obama surged US forces to Afghanistan. A month after we killed Osama Bin Laden, President Obama started to withdraw US Forces in 2011. I left Afghanistan in December 2011. President Obama wanted to have a complete withdrawal before the 2016 election but did not. President Trump sought to continue withdrawal and negotiated with the Taliban from 2018-2020, scheduling US Forces to leave by May 2021. This war, this failure, is one of the most bipartisan ventures of my lifetime.

In my view, the failure to have realistic, attainable victory conditions was the critical factor that lost public support. The American people were sold on a false bill of goods. What was attainable? Prevent Afghanistan from becoming a haven for terrorist groups like Al Qaeda. We often forget Al Qaeda and the Taliban were not the same. In 2001, Al Qaeda was about a thousand personnel by our highest intelligence estimates. Following 9/11, the refusal of the Taliban lead government to turn over Al Qaeda is what prompted our action. We took on tens of thousands of those protecting them in the pursuit to go after hundreds of Al Qaeda members. The war itself was to depose the government, which harbored terrorists. The prevention of future attacks should have been the explicit goal. There were no attacks on the homeland planned in Afghanistan from 2002 - Spring 2021.

After the initial victories in northeast Afghanistan with the Northern Alliance, US forces did not engage in major combat until 2005. From 2009-2011 were the peak combat casualties. By 2014, there were fewer combat casualties in Afghanistan than training deaths in the US Military. That is not to say those deaths were any less valuable or costly in any way. It does go to say the job of the military is inherently dangerous. If they are going to do their job, their lives will be at risk. Because of this inherent risk is why many of us recognize the sacrifice in military service, even during peacetime. The primary burden of making policy is accepting the costs which come from it. One cannot responsibly take the “just one life is worth it” position for any policy when limited resources (to include time) are in play. I hold this view on every policy.

Does this mean I support endless wars? No, not at all. At the same time, I do have a strong “you break it, you buy it policy” that we should not leave a situation worse than we started. As of today, Afghanistan is worse off than it was on September 10, 2001. We should seriously consider and deliberate before we get involved in overseas actions. Still, once we are there, we need to maintain support sustainably until they can support themselves. What else could we have done? Between General Petraeus and the Brookings Institute, I think the “Five Thousand for Five” plan was reasonable. It is worth noting that it took more than 20 years to turn South Korea into a democratic republic. Was Afghanistan an example of the sunk cost fallacy? No, because each year we stayed, it got a bit more secure. The initial decision to invest in this was made 20 years ago by our elected representatives. The idea that one can support action and then change one’s mind about it before the action is complete is a unique benefit in American politics. When bombs have dropped, blood shed, there are no redos. It should serve as a sharp reminder to deliberate well over significant decisions. We are witnessing now the cost of not completing the mission; it certainly can look like it was all for nothing.

What were the conditions in Afghanistan before the Taliban’s major offensive? For the last five years, the US forces secured the major bases. They did not go out on the particularly hazardous patrols or raids that marked our operations tempo from 2009-2012. Our bases were secure; US personnel were safely assisting the Afghani military fight the Taliban. Our primary role was supporting the Afghan military via air support and logistical supplies. The air-dependent military force was how the United States fought the war. The terrain in Afghanistan is brutal. In many areas, the elevation of the mountains hinders the effectiveness of our attack helicopters’ ability to provide close air support. If we remember back to Operation Red Wings, which was one of the deadliest operations in Navy SEAL history, altitude was one of the major factors contributing to the destroyed Chinook. The downed Chinook accounted for 16 of the 19 killed. The high altitude prevented the escort helicopters from staying with the ground force team on the twin-rotor cargo helicopter. At the strategic level, the United States operated and trained the Afghan military to rely upon air support and airdrops to supply isolated bases, the same way we did. To expect the Afghan ground forces to keep fighting without air support or resupply was contrary to the methodology of warfare we had taught them for the last 20 years. Thus, when we withdrew our air support and the ability for the Afghan Air Force to operate, this was a done deal. Who should we look to for that decision?

President Trump negotiated with the Taliban for withdrawal by May 2021. The deal has two main parts, what the United States will do and what the Taliban (Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan) will do. It does call for the total pull out of “all military forces of the United States, its allies, and Coalition partners, including all non-diplomatic civilian personnel, private security contractors, trainers, advisors, and supporting services personnel.” It is not a ratified treaty. It is an executive agreement in which the new administration can change without needing any legislative action to accept or reject the change. The requirements for the Taliban were to not “use the soil of Afghanistan to threaten the security of the United States and its allies,” “not to cooperate with groups or individuals threatening the security of the United States and its allies,” among other conditions. As with any agreement, contract, or deal, if one side violates the terms of the agreement, the other is not required to honor it. Thus even if the current administration was merely following the previous administration’s deal, if the terms were violated, they were under no obligation to continue to follow through with our requirements.

Based on the way we designed and trained the Afghan military, to lose their Air Force was to ensure the failure of the Afghani ground forces. The Afghani forces were well equipped and trained to fight the Taliban. They have been doing for the 20 years we have been fighting too. They still relied on foreign support for repairing and maintaining the aircraft they operated. By withdrawing even the contractors from supporting the Afghan military, policymakers should have known the army would fall as soon as aircraft broke down. For those who have not been around aircraft, I spent two years in helicopter units, the ratio of maintenance to flight hours is significant. The AH-64 Apache attack helicopter, for instance, requires about 3.4 Maintenance Man Hours for every one flight hour. The Afghani military did not have sufficient training or qualified personnel to maintain their aircraft. In the last desperate weeks resorted to zoom calls to get assistance with their aircraft. We expected the Afghani Army to fight without support, relief, or hope by cutting off the air support.

We saw this coming. The mobilization of the Taliban has been growing for months. In March, the New York Times reported on the Taliban’s gains. Helmand and Kandahar are the Pashtun strongholds; it should have been entirely predictable to take Southern Afghanistan. As the news kept coming in May and June, it was clear the Taliban had no interest in honoring any part of the deal. There was plenty of time available for the US to reverse course in Spring and early Summer. But we did nothing. According to Google Trends, there were small spikes of interest (28 from 17) in the second weeks of April and July (35) from its present peak at present (100). Unlike ISIS, the Taliban controls the major airports in the nation. The tribal warfare will continue as it has existed for decades, if not centuries before. Whatever allies we had will know we abandoned them twice now. If they manage to survive, they would be foolish to depend upon us again. It is sadly a bit of a hallmark of neo-liberal foreign policy more broadly. For now, the news cycle will be filled with sad emojis and disappointment by those who were not aware of the situation. It is doubtful a recoverable situation like Iraq was. This is my reflection on 20 years, 2222 American lives, almost 21000 wounded Americans, and over 820 billion dollars spent. I think I am going to watch Charlie Wilson’s War now.

Can You Drive Through a National Park without Paying the Fee?

*This is not legal advice, if a lawyer wants to spend their time pro bono to correct me, please do so*

I have significant experience being in and around National Parks, in almost all of those experiences I only ever passed through those federal properties. Over those years, I have also heard numerous reports of federal employees requiring others to pay the entrance fee of those National Parks even after people have disclosed their destination was not in the Park. My curiosity getting the better of me (I should be writing my dissertation, but I need to answer this before my brain will let it go), leads me to this path.

My legal basis for this assertion is with the structure of the Constitution and more specifically, the Court’s ruling in the Slaughterhouse Cases (1873), which in the very limited understanding of the Federal Privileges and Immunities, included a right to travel between the states. “The right to move with freedom, to choose his highway, and to be exempt from impositions, belongs to the citizen. He must have this power to move freely to perform his duties as a citizen.”(page 57) This is where I just might know enough law to get me into trouble, but let’s take this spontaneous assertion together. It is also worth recognizing the doctrine concerning the Right to Travel is not entirely clear. My contention is under my federal right to travel, I ought to be able to freely travel through the federal property without paying a fee. Mind you, there are collections of anti-government extremists known as Sovereign Citizens, who can be dangerous and are generally confused about the legitimacy of the American legal system. I am writing this in real-time, the ending TLDR conclusion may result in me being wrong. At no point am I advocating or arguing that one does not need to have a state-issued Driver’s License or current vehicle registration for this exercise.

The National Parks are governed by the National Parks Service, which is under the Department of the Interior (This link does a pretty good job of explaining the hierarchy of laws, rules, and regulations). They, like most executive branch agencies, are authorized by Congress to make rules and regulations which carry the force of law. Additionally, executive orders can “fine-tune” the laws passed by Congress to interpret the execution of such laws in a more specific (or not) manner. So the aspects of governance over National Parks are based on Federal statutory law (US Code), the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR), and Executive Orders. I want to confirm, if my legal understanding/analysis is correct, that under federal law, I can freely travel through National Parks, without having to pay a fee for a pass. This is specific, I cannot stop on the federal land to park or enjoy any of the sights, this is ONLY to pass through. If my findings confirm my suspicions, to use this knowledge to avoid paying entrance fees and park use is wholly unethical and one can and ought to be fined for not paying said fees if they use the National Park without paying the proper fees.

Let me start with the Executive Orders because this will be the easiest thing to address. Of the list provides by National Parks Service, none of the executive orders would apply to my inquiry.

Next up, the Federal Law, I predict it will provide for broad authorization, and the specifics will be addressed, defined, and enforced via the Code of Federal Regulations.

54 U.S. Code § 100101 - Promotion and regulation
(2) 1978 reaffirmation.—
Congress reaffirms, declares, and directs that the promotion and regulation of the various System units shall be consistent with and founded in the purpose established by subsection (a), to the common benefit of all the people of the United States. The authorization of activities shall be construed and the protection, management, and administration of the System units shall be conducted in light of the high public value and integrity of the System and shall not be exercised in derogation of the values and purposes for which the System units have been established, except as directly and specifically provided by Congress.

In the link, one will see “System” and “System Units” are hyperlinked terms, which refers to “section 100501” for definition. This path leads us to “The System shall include any area of land and water administered by the Secretary, acting through the Director, for park, monument, historic, parkway, recreational, or other purposes.” So basically, this is the grand authorization by Congress to the Department of the Interior to do all the details. This is going way too smoothly so far, in your best Billy Mays voice, say to yourself “but wait there’s more!”

Now I am on to the fun (tedious) part! In case you did not know, the Code of Federal Regulations dwarf the US Code (federal statutes) by at least 20x, to be honest, no one actually knows. The truly fun part is this, not only does the Department of Interior get to write the rules, but they also get to enforce the rules, and interpret the rules. If you are thinking this may violate the separation of powers, then welcome to the debate concerning the Administrative State, it has been going within the Conservative legal movement for over 30 years, call it the best-kept secret in American government. At a more layperson level, this is known as the federal bureaucracy. Before I continue a rabbit trail on this broader issue, let me dive into the CFR and see what I can find.

The bulk of the relevant rules and regulations are found in Title 36 Chapter 1 Part 71.  In addition to the CFR, there are also the Management Policies of the National Parks System which references the Park Roads Standards. I might just be bragging about how much research I did for this... Let us begin with a look at the relevant CFR concerning the National Park entrance fees.

My prompt is only concerned with entering the National Park for the purpose of passing through. Of the three types of fees authorized in the CFR, only the Designated Entrance Fee Area (DEFA) would apply. No recreational activities or special recreation is to take place in this hypothetical. Therefore, the only potential legitimate fee would be the DEFA. As one continues reading the CFR, the designated areas are described and defined. My interest perks up at subsection 71.3. There is a helpful carveout, “(3) In no event shall any of the following, whether used singly or in any combination, be designated as facilities for which recreation use fees shall be charged: Drinking water, wayside exhibits, roads, overlook sites, visitors' centers, scenic drives, toilet facilities, picnic tables, and boat ramps.” To further solidify the position, at subsection 71.13, exemptions to the text above (71.1-71.12) include,

(b) No entrance fee shall be charged for travel by private noncommercial vehicle over any National Parkway, or any road or highway established as part of the National Federal-Aid System, which is commonly used by the public as a means of travel between two places, either or both of which are outside the Designated Entrance Fee Area; (c) No entrance fee shall be charged for travel by private noncommercial vehicle over any road or highway to any land in which such person has any property right if such land is within any Designated Entrance Fee Area.

Therefore, between 71.3 and 71.13, the CFR clearly states one can use the “roads” and “scenic drives” without having to pay the DEFA, particularly if you are traveling between two places outside of the National Park. To answer my question, “Can I travel through a National Park without paying the Entrance Fee?” Yes.

I also checked Part 7, for special instructions of the Parks I have experience with, Sequoia and Kings Canyon and recently Joshua Tree, no relevant information about my inquiry is in that section.

A Response to John Piper's Recent Article on the 2020 Election

 

A response to John Piper’s recent article.

I would like to preface this with the disclosure that I have not nor will I vote for President Trump, I have resigned to vote for third-party where possible until there are significant reforms to the two-party system. I also want to make it known I hold a great deal of reverence and respect for John Piper. It was after the reading of Desiring God that a thirst for deeper theology and understanding based in scripture that I mark my faith journey in adulthood. I am forever grateful for the presentation of God’s sovereignty.

The fun part: Yes, this is a criticism, it is one of many, hopefully this can be edifying to my Christian friends and associates who are concerned about how they ought to or not cast their vote. I think Piper’s deliberations over the choice many are likely still facing, is reflective of the broader concerns of the two-party system, but it is a little late for us to look to the remedies for this coming election. To this degree, H.L. Menken frames our present situation appropriately, “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.” We have made this proverbial bed.

Piper is concerned with the role individual personality traits and characteristics play in leading a nation. His scriptural support is well-founded in a biblical context, albeit not necessarily for a representative system of government. The Books of Kings, Chronicles, and Samuel provide ample examples of flawed leaders leading their nations to ruin or repentance. However, in all those examples, the ruler is a King. This structural difference in the system of governance is significant. Under a King, the people are in the direct path of their leader, and if we are considering most of European history, that right was through a divine authoritative claim. There was no concept of separated powers or representative government, rather the opposite. The Peace of Westphalia in 1648 is significantly remembered for among other things establishing the principle of “cuius regio, eius religio” (Whose realm, his religion), wherein the religion of the people was dependent upon that of the sitting monarch. We are far from such systems of government but not without other concerns. I am immensely grateful though that the faith of my chief executive does not have any bearing on my own faith. It is, for this reason, I think it valid to be less concerned with clear, overt character flaws in a chief executive.

The primary argument of Piper is that we ought to weigh more heavily on the individual character of those seeking to lead our nation. Again, this is wholly reasonable if power is held in the hands of a single person, but need we return to School House Rock to remind us of the bicameral legislature as the primary body to represent the People and the States? The bodies who draft legislation and ultimately make the law of the land. The President does not single-handedly dictate policy. When Presidents have done so, they have been checked. Much of President Obama’s legacy is facing such fate, which should be the expected outcome when one leads through a “pen and phone.” I would happily argue we cast an outsized focus on the occupant of the White House in an unhealthy unrepresentative manner which has hurt our ability to communicate with our neighbors about policy.

Our system of government was designed, knowing full well the dangers of human nature. In what is one of the most important essays written by James Madison explaining the uniqueness of the United States as a constitutional republic, he recognizes the challenges of competing interests, particularly when they become primarily motivated by animus against the opposition. In Federalist 10, Madison notes, “It is in vain to say that enlightened statesmen will be able to adjust these clashing interests, and render them all subservient to the public good. Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm.” The government of the United States of America is bigger than any single person, we ought to remember this. A person does lead an administration, which is far more consequential in any measurable analysis of a chief executive.

Hence, we Christians find ourselves conflicted between our citizenship in heaven as members of the royal priesthood against our earthly citizenship in these United States of America. How we chose to vote should not be a simple binary option, it was not designed in this way. It should not be something we visit only in the weeks prior to an annual election, it was not designed for that either. If the representative government is to work, we need to be aware and engaged throughout the year, in such a way that the government which theoretically operates on the consent of the governed, has informed consent.

"I know no safe depositary of the ultimate powers of the society but the people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education. This is the true corrective of abuses of constitutional power." -Thomas Jefferson to William C. Jarvis, 1820.

"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." -Thomas Jefferson to Charles Yancey, 1816

“A popular Government, without popular information, or the means of acquiring it, is but a Prologue to a Farce or a Tragedy; or, perhaps both. Knowledge will forever govern ignorance: And a people who mean to be their own Governors, must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.” James Madison to W. T. Barry, 1822

What Is In a Name? The Lake Family

I recently got a message from someone who, the last time I talked to, I had to give the gravest of news. It was a call less than a minute long. I think it was a week or two from when it happened, “Can I talk to Jim?” “I’m sorry, he has passed away. Who is this?” My heart sunk when I heard the name. Dad had been caring for this kid off-and-on for at least a year or two. He was a troubled junior higher when my dad started to come alongside and help his family both through his capacity as a deacon at church, but with this family, this kid, Dad went further than others who helped. They didn’t live close or on the way to church. That didn’t matter. There were problems at home that didn’t matter. There were problems at school, didn’t matter. He knew that going in. Dad devoted himself to helping this family.

This wasn’t particularly new to our family. Over the years, my earliest memories were filled with us moving single moms to new apartments or doing work projects for disabled people seeking help from our church. We had a generous benevolence fund, but the church’s financial support was often coupled with some Lake sweat. It was not uncommon to hear my dad on the phone with this utility or that insurance company working on behalf of someone seeking help at our church. Our family was at the vanguard of the Church’s hands and feet.

I got a message today. I wasn’t expecting it. I have not heard from him since that hard call almost 15 years ago. Shared with permission, of course.

My first thought was the recall of a staff meeting at a youth camp in Slovakia. In the meeting, we were reminded that the fruit of our labor in youth ministry is often never seen, often not manifested for years afterward. I don’t know when you were able to right the path in your life, but I am privileged to have been a part of it, even as an observer. My second thought was the privilege it was to come from a family who has taught such a creed. My family is one of Christians. It is an important part of who we are and what that means. There are many movies and books where a fatherless child must find his way and figure out who he is and who he will become. Dad told us when we were 12; his job was to prepare us to be men. I didn’t know that job would come to a halt days before my 19th birthday, but there was never a question of what it meant to be a Lake man. That was modeled a day in and day out for years. It was not perfect, as none of us are or were perfect, but it was always clear who we were.

I am grateful for those countless hours we spent working in the backyard and around the house. We were taught everything from falling a tree and installing a sidewalk to the proper way to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I am grateful for the work ethic instilled in us at such an early age. We didn’t have money, nice clothes, or grand vacations. We had a family. Thank you for this reminder.

Getting Back Up, Again

This week was one of the best there has been had in recent years. I didn’t embark on any new adventures. I didn’t complete anything that was nagging at me. All in all it was a rather normal week. The changes; listening to scripture on my morning commute and going back to the gym. I used to listen to a talk radio show on the commute but personnel changes following the election appears to have removed the most mentally stimulating hosts. After venturing around itunes looking for a replacement podcast to fill that time slot I was reminded of my priorities, the contrast between what my perception and practice. This is better to explain if I start from the physical approach.

I have been a gym rat for the better part of 20 years now. Minus a few extended periods of healing I have paid as the “experience tax”, my routine has been one of the more stable things in my adulthood. I have my goals, some of which were established in high school that continue to elude. The most eminent motivations though are the harsh memories of being bullied up until fruit from the gym showed on my frame in high school and the constant ailments that eventually lead to dad’s early passing. I know dad’s homegoing was far more than his physical state, but that… that is something I’ll hold closer to the chest. As far as the bullying, an anecdotal observation, bullies are less likely to pick targets who are more muscular than them. I recognize the concern of bullies today is long past relevant, but the confidence one gains and maintains by being a good steward of the body continues.

In 20 years of lifting weights there have been minor injuries all along the way. A strained pectoral here, or a pinched nerve there, I have been more than familiar with long undesired but necessary breaks. These have happened with enough consistency that one or two months of inactivity do not negatively impact performance. After three months, the first week back at the gym will be frustrating, demoralizing, and aggravating. At more than three months, well, it will take at least a month of light workouts to get back to the previous level. This is known as muscle memory, which is a wonderful thing. It could be such that instead of regaining strength within a few months of leaving off, I would have to work back from scratch. This knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing because I know how temporary this setback will be, the curse because it is still frustrating and humbling to endure every single time I return to the gym to build back up to where I was. There is a certain baseline to reach before I can tune my routine back towards accomplishing my goals.

Last week, I finally got better from a four-months “cold”. The doctor called it “bronchitis” and the antibiotics were incredible, but let us not dwell on the past and technical terms. The best part of the healing process was recognizing I was sick for at least two months more than I needed to be. It was my stubbornness that precluded me from seeking help. Oh the joys of recognizing the fallibility in my physicality as well as my spiritual practice.

At the same time, sadly with far less dedication to my lifting regimen, getting a daily dose of scripture has ebbed and flowed. When it flowed it was grand. I never really maintained awareness how or why I let life’s business get in the way. Certainly there were periods of pride that in order to ensure my practice was authentic manifestations of delight over duty, I would cast away such liturgical structures over my daily routine so as to appear the most authentic. The other prideful exclamation often justified my lack of scripture because maintaining a biblical worldview might be sufficient. You know, think about everything biblically, except the Bible.

I knew I didn’t have a good reason. Is that not the purpose of the Bible app after all? The phone goes everywhere, hence my bible is with me all the time. Even more, the audio bible is on the app too! It really hit me halfway through this week. To really show my faith, I started to listen to the Old Testament. You know, brush up on my biblical history that is a bit rusty. I should be able to distinguish between Elijah and Elisha... What God has shown me in this week, was in the historic descriptive Word, it is still living and active. My place in his kingdom is more clear. The concerns of what each day has before me are less daunting. God is good. This process is far less painful than working back up to a certain level of physical performance. As it should be, the entire basis of the Christian faith isn’t about what we do for God, but what he has already done for us. One of the most basic truths, that I had not paid attention to with the weight I should have. Like getting back into my gym routine, “why did I ever stop?” with the most dumbfounded tone echoes through my head. I am grateful for a loving God who knows me better than I could ever know myself.

Oh, I guess this kind of topped off this week, I got to see Supreme Court Associate Justice Alito this weekend. That was pretty cool too. God cares about the little things too.

P.S. I wrote this a few weeks ago, but not wanting to get on what could have turned into a short lived celebration of a couple weeks, the pattern has held. The gym regime continues, the Word still speaks through the genealogies, and life is great. This has not been a fad. Next time you see me, ask me about what scripture takeaway I had.

Solitude: A Narrative

March 2005

The tension builds as our Drill Sergeants demonstrate to us the proper wear of the beret. This is the award a soldier received in the completion of Basic Combat Training. Our commander runs through the drill and ceremony command of “Don berets!” and the National Anthem is played. I remember Jonathan mentioning that after Basic he found it odd that tears flowed at the sound of the tune. I understood that sentiment, I too had a couple tears fall. The anthem did not mean anything more or less, only the understanding of sacrifice deepened. There is also a sense of joy, those who have served in the past, I now get to join their ranks as a brother in arms.

For the last week or so, we knew Family Day was coming. Basic is all but over, we have qualified in our soldering tasks, completed our final field training exercises, the hard part was more than over. We were excited to be finished, to be Soldiers. Much of that week was spent preparing our nearly bare dress uniforms which would be the final mark that we were indeed soldiers. There were logistical details from our Drill Sergeants being forwarded on a regular basis. That week the most soldierly thing we did was clean our weapons to excess. I don’t really recall what we talked about other than respective girlfriends or missed food and alcohol. I longed to eat better food but I had neither a girlfriend nor a preferred drink to miss, it was still  few months before I hit 21. There was an unspoken excitement, particularly among the National Guardsmen and Reservists. After these eight weeks they would go home to their families, it made sense they would be present for the graduation. Us, active duty, we would simply get on the bus and head to our next training site. It was not until the day of, that we learned we would take a non-stop bus from Fort Leonard Wood Missouri to Huachuca Arizona. It turned out we were graduating during Spring Break and plane tickets were too difficult to acquire, or that was what our Drill SGTs relayed to us. I preferred that idea more, that meant more freedom, as we would have a new complement of Drill SGTs to greet us. I would take a 30-hour bus ride over a 3 hour flight any day of the week under those conditions.

I wanted to shrug it all off as my comrades were excited to be greeted by family at graduation. It was an easy calculation, between the flight and hotel, it would be wholly impractical to want anyone to come watch my graduation. California was a long way from Missouri, the roads were unclear. Could mom even navigate to find where on base we would be? All this for a few hours of family time before we board the bus for our next evolution of training. It isn’t worth it, it can’t be. So I convince Mom that I didn’t want her to bother with going to graduation. This is what it means to be a soldier right? Think of the practical choices more than what would be nice. I have endured plenty of difficult things, this is just another thing to shrug off…Besides, this next bit of training is only a few more months before I get leave between my final duty station. By then I’ll even have some leave saved up so I won’t have to go broke to be home. I’ve barely been gone two months, I need to prepare to be gone for years. That is what Iraq will have for me.

December 2005

My first Christmas away from home. Most of the unit is gone on block leave, there might be ¼ of us left here, more or less going through the motions. I am in Germany after all. I get to see snow and with most of the unit gone, the days will be really relaxed, and they were. I had just been home in August, it didn’t make sense to go home after only a 3 months away, plus have you seen the price of the plane tickets? Way not worth it, I’ll just go home next year…

February 2009

The last 48 hours are kind of surreal, the same kind like when we took our first steps in Kuwait and the bright sun shone in our faces with a biting brilliance never before experienced. We are all exhausted. Between the 30+ hours of flying, waiting in the ever so cushy “Freedom Zone” between Customs and our flight back towards civilization, everything in me is just gone. We are finally offloading the plane back at Fort Hood. I see the Division Band, but between the keeping in step and not wanting to fall down the flight stairs I’ll just look onward. I’m glad the band got to go home early, we were all tired. It was too bad they have to do all these “welcome home” gigs. I have no idea what I’ll be doing for the next weeks or months, but I know it wouldn’t be much.

We get on the buses and I’m trying to recognize where we were. I didn’t travel around Texas much. I was with the unit only a couple months before we deployed and I didn’t own a car. Beyond the main streets of the base, I’m lost. I think we had a police escort on the way back to base, that was a nice gesture. As the buses pull up and I look for other single friends who will be just as bored after this I am unsuccessful. I was one of the lucky ones to get back with the first group as the unit demobilized. It would take a week or so before the whole unit gets back, even then people will go on leave almost immediately. I will have two, maybe three weeks of absolute chill, but since I’m not taking leave just yet, it will be paid vacation!

The buses pull up to Division Headquarters, finally somewhere familiar. We unload from the bus, leave our bags, and instructed to get in formation. Oh, right there will be a “welcome back speech” cause the Army loovess ceremonies. I just want a shower and a real bed. We form up all nice and pretty, thank goodness we are outside. It is hot and none of us have showered in at least 30 hours, possibly 48. I wish I remembered to bring more baby wipes for the trip back. As we get the instructions from the Sergeant in charge we are going to have a “move that bus” kind of reveal because Extreme Home Makeover is all the rage and our loved ones are waiting to see us. Well, everyone else’s loved ones. I didn’t want Mom to get lost travelling again. Finances are always tight, I’ll be home soon anyways, this time for good (or so I thought). I’ve been alone this whole time, this is nothing.

“Dis-missed!” Oh, thank goodness the speech was short. That is a man that knows his soldiers! As we walk across the parade field, the formation now broken, families run for each other. It is worth noting, when everyone is wearing a uniform it is really hard to spot anyone individually. I see young couples express their joy. Fathers hug their children. This is a beautiful sight to see. Wait, did that guy just kiss a bottle of Johnnie Walker? I guess his wife really knows him… I get off the parade field and look for the bus with my dufflebag. I’ll be living out this until my belongs get out of storage, that might take a week or two. I need to find where I’ll be living. Good for everyone else, but I’ll celebrate when I get home…

“Joe!!!” Did someone call my name? Who here knows me by my first name? Oh! It is Max and Tiff! Good thing I have friends in the band. I tell them the situation and Max says he’ll pick me up after I get settled in my new barracks room. It is still the late morning, we are going to hit the town! This is a particular gift, I wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything for me. Here are some friends AND they want to spend the day with me. It is going to be a good day.