Hard Lessons Simple Truths pt II

In Part I, I started tell you about the experiential understanding of some of God’s simple truths. I did not realize this would be a series until the pages were filled in part I. This series seeks to focus on highlighting the opportunities God has given me, through hard lessons, to recognize his simple truths.

I think at the time, the simple truths were a bit less concise or complete. For a number of years I summarized the simple truths as “patience” and/or “sovereignty”. Two summers ago, eminent scholar, Screamer veteran, and strong puncher, Jerry Root summarized the simple truths to “He is God, He loves me, He knows what is best for me.” This was certainly a more relational summary than my one word doctrinal statements. Years later after an Introduction to Theology class at Biola, what has been known cannot be unknown. The character of God and his attributes from a scholarly approach may appear daunting, at the same time Romans has made much of it plain to us.

The first installment left off with the personal frustrations I had as I returned back to civilian life. Well, sort of. The Providence Verified series follows a chronological record of God’s clear hand guiding my path in the recent years. This series overlaps chronologically but tells the stories and trials I experienced while being precisely where God had me be. I had to shelve this one for a few weeks while I got caught up in the other series for chronological continuity. Let’s get on with this.

In a 6-week period, I put in my two weeks, got hired by a new division in my company, moved to Texas, and started a deployment in Afghanistan. Of the two challenges which confronted me during that time and throughout the deployment one has at best a tentative answer still. When I was active duty and Uncle Sam called my number to go to war, I could easily write it off as “this is out of my hands” or “I am being sent”, although I kind of did volunteer to go to a unit to deliberately go to Iraq. In this situation, I left a great job, which although the conditions were much less enjoyable than when I first started working, it was still the best job and opportunity available without leaving my community. As a contractor, I had to seek a job knowing I would go to another war. No flag to hide behind, no government orders making me go, I had to seek out a job, go through the interview process, and convince my company why they should send me to war. Yes, the job was in direct support and supervision of active duty personnel, but the conditions were still different.

I sold more than a year of my life. For those of you who do not know, private military contracting is very lucrative for anyone. At that time, truck drivers without military experience driving convoys of supplies in Iraq and Afghanistan were making over 100K/yr. The pay scales moved up from there. I knew several contractors who were veterans in Iraq and got an idea of the pay scale for even entry level analyst jobs. In fairness, entry-level in that career field meant at least 2 years active military experience with a deployment already under one’s belt. Anyways, there are many jobs which people do solely for the money. Isn’t that why most of us go to work? So that we can get paid? Some of us will be lucky enough to do something we love and get paid, but there are significant portions of the population punching the card to get to the next day. I knew in taking the new job position I was deliberately selling myself. The notion still feels odd. I never wanted to live a life in which chasing the paycheck was the objective, but I still took the job. I justified and still tend to justify that decision by those digits in my bank account that grew from that job. Yes, I got to do my part making the Afghani people and Coalition Forces safer. There was always that aspect of job satisfaction but I couldn’t shake it that I named my price and took it. There was nothing morally wrong about my job, it did not put me in any positions which I had to do anything against my conscience or faith, but it still felt odd. I still justify it because of the financial positioning the job provided… It is done. I do not like to justify the means by the ends, but this chapter is how it went.

The nagging sense of selling myself was not a problem during the deployment. I was awestruck with each paycheck. In retrospect it was a convicting manner to see what I valued at the time. I left my church community, a good job, and great friends for those digits in an account. The part about the deployment which made it my most difficult year was the fellowship. Between my status as a contractor and working night shift, I could not attend any chapels on base. When I was active duty my section allowed for me to attend a weekly Bible Study with some guys from my unit. It did not take long before I realized how much I underestimated God’s blessing on me in Iraq then when I was in Afghanistan. The support a community of faith can provide became measureable to me. I bonded well with my coworkers. We had a small team, only a handful of us stayed for more than a year, the active duty people rotated with a new crew and command several times. Some crews were more friendly than others, some were outright hostile towards faith. We I took the job, I figured I would continue reading to keep my faith vibrant as I did in Iraq. The near complete lack of fellowship in Afghanistan took its toll. It didn’t matter I was reading regularly, working out, eating mostly clean, the lack of fellowship and encouragement the Body of Christ ought to provide to one another was painful.

People often focus on the physical danger war presents. In Iraq we went several months between rocket attacks, I don’t think we had more than 8 days without a rocket hitting our base in Afghanistan. I chuckle, as my last week on the deployment, I am certain I saw a rocket pass over my head by 20 ft or so, it was a good signal that I was ready to leave. The physical danger was nothing compared to spiritual emptiness I felt throughout the deployment. I gained a clearer understanding of the priority between the physical and immaterial.

When I got home from Afghanistan things were different. I dare not say the evil acronym many associate with military service. I am certain it was not that. I think a spiritual thirstiness was present. I got back from Afghanistan December of 2011. By the following January I was taking classes at William Jessup to finish my degree. As much as I love Biola, I know I needed to be at Jessup that first year back in civilian life. There was a proportionally significant veteran population on campus and for some things it takes a veteran to help a veteran. The thirstiness practically felt like an immaterial mist separating myself from others around me. It flirted with the line of tangibility, but it was constantly present in public. It was not until I returned to Hume Lake the summer of 2012, that I felt the cloud lifted and have not turned back since. Hume was already a dear place to me, this was just another example why it is so important to me.

Throughout the Afghanistan deployment I knew God was demonstrating his sovereignty to me. He carried me through yet another war. Even in periods of silence, his presence was constant. Like my isolation in Germany that first year, sometimes it takes the most challenging of conditions for us to have the opportunity to see God for who he is. The noise of the world fades to the background and one is confronted with the brutal truth of a fallen world and a sin nature. Despite this, God is present, he loves me and he was able to take care of me. Even more than that, I have seen and felt God’s faithfulness through numerous trials. Like a dependable friend that has been there through thick and thin, no wait, that is insufficient. God has carried me through the hard times, especially through those moments when I was barely holding on.

How to Survive and Thrive at Summer Camp

I write this with 6 summers spent working at Hume Lake Christian Camps, I do not think any of these tips are particularly specific to Hume, if not except that I am writing from a perspective of a large camp staff. These are my suggestions on how to have the best camp experience for all you Summer Camp Staff this summer. In my span of employment at Hume I have worked in the Dish Room, Support Services, Ponderosa Lifeguard, and Security. My first summer I was 19, the last I was 31. Part of writing this is my longing to return this next summer but having to recognize this season has passed… for now.

1. Do not start a relationship! I get it, oh boy do I get it. This is especially difficult for those of us coming from churches with less than flourishing college ministries or going to secular colleges without robust campus ministry, for those single and ready to mingle to, mingle. Further heightening the attractiveness of the idea, everyone else on staff is doing ministry all around. You are both serving God, maybe even in the same department, so you see each other more than anyone else on a regular basis. I get it. I also say this knowing a good number of friends who have met their spouses at Hume. They are the exception not the rule, and I write this as a point of general rules. By exception I can also say from experience of working with over 1000 summer staffers across my time, exception means the 1:100 chances, maybe. I say this because I have seen time and again, people meet, especially in the first few weeks of camp, and that other (not yet significant other) often becomes the primary focus of time, emotional energy, and general attention. Sometimes it even seems justified because the workday is spent serving God in your respective position. A really good thing to practice instead, building friendships with people. Between the severance from technology, the close proximity, the physical, emotional, and spiritual strain this is a magnificent opportunity to make life long friends. Much in the same way you might have gotten to know friends in the dorms on the same hall, but this is amplified by the shared experience of working in ministry together. Also keep in mind, what will likely happen when summer is over. Do you go to school or living within reasonable proximity to one another? Is the person (sadly) one way around Christians than they are around the World? The bubble that the Camp Experience offers is both a blessing and a curse. Be aware of it. At most make friendships from which a relationship might result, but wait for the camp goggles to wear off.
2. Take advantage of Spiritual Growth opportunities. Okay, this might be Hume specific as I cannot speak for all the opportunities at other camps. Between Bible studies with full time staff, Summer Preaching Series, Chapels, or even your own quiet time, be sure to spend time to maintain your own spiritual health. The formal teaching opportunities have fantastic speakers from all kinds of backgrounds, at least one of them will speak on a topic you will have interest. Many of you have not worked a job with such demands like this before. No matter how busy you get, and even though that business is doing ministry, you still need to take time to be fed. This is a similar effect I see at Christian campuses. I attended two different Christian universities, both had the same problem. Between required chapels and Bible classes, many students fall into a trap of thinking they are spending sufficient “God time” fulfilling those obligations. In doing so, they neglect to take part in a local church in which they might be exposed to a diverse population of Christians other than 18-22 year olds.
3. Get creative with the meals. For at least 5 of my summers the menu has been more or less the same. Embrace the sandwich bar at lunch. Get creative with the salads. Examples, chicken sandwich day makes for a nice crunchy chicken salad. Occasionally there is a staff menu item separate from the regular menu, get it, no matter what it is. Salad is your friend, Cisco takes its toll. Don’t limit yourself to the iceberg lettuce either, I’m not about to have a nutrition meeting right here, but use the spinach. Your digestive tract will thank you.
4. You can survive without technology. This some has a caveats, unless you have a specific job that includes many hours of low activity or you are taking a summer online class (Good Luck), leave the laptop at home. I know we have all at one point in time thought the idea of a technology fast would be good for us. This is a grand opportunity to realize what life was like before everyone had a smartphone, mostly. There is no cell reception and internet is not worth waiting for, instead you are in the middle of the forest surrounded by trails, trees, and some of the best creation God has made. Enjoy it. This will also give you a good chance to do #2 since you won’t be distracted with all the social media our generation is so well known for.
5. Watch the sunrise and sunset at least one time during the summer. At the beginning of the summer it is really cold (40 and below), but sunrise happens later. I want to say it starts around 5:30 if you want start when it is still dark. By mid-July, the temperature is much more bearable but sunrise starts earlier. For more approximate times check with the Night Shift security guys, they will know.

6. Limit time spent “Down the Hill”. My first summer I never went to the city, I was having a blast kayaking, reading, and just being in the presence of creation. Not to say Fresno is not also part of God’s creation, but it is not as enjoyable as Hume. My second summer I went down almost every weekend. It is nice to go hang out with friends, catch a movie, escape from the camp menu, In-n-Out/Chipotle/etc. I am not recommending about never going down the hill, but be mindful. It is a 3-hour round trip and at least half a tank of gas. Summer camp pay tends to keep us keenly aware of the service aspect of this ministry, a trip down the hill can get expensive. Also, remember you are in the middle of Sequoia National Forest. There are many sights you can see and explore and you already in the middle of it!
7. Get to know people in other departments. You will more than likely get close to your team. You will spend more than 40 hours per week with them, it is somewhat inevitable. Living arrangements and off time provide great opportunities to get to know people in other departments. This is especially true for departments like Support Services, Food Service, Security, and Concessions. Each of these departments give days off, not on the weekends and usually only a couple of people from the department at a time. If you only hang out with people from your department much of your days off will be spent by yourself (not on purpose) or awkwardly looking for something to do. Last summer I made friends with High Adventure people, almost every week I got to play paintball with campers. Help other department staff by volunteering and getting to know staff in other jobs especially if you want to return for another summer. Camps tend to be small communities, it is not difficult to become part of the family. This is especially true for Full Time staff. They love you before they know your name. Know that and go from there.
8. Sleep. This is not general ed classes at college. The Resident Directors are there to help encourage you to get a reasonable amount of rest. Don’t fight it. It is easy to become perturbed with the authority over you at camp, you are still spreading your wings learning how to adult. One important aspect of adulting properly is giving proper due to authorities above you. Doing what you should do over what you want to do. Be the adult I know you are.
9. Bring a Hammock. Preferably with the longest straps you can find. It will be better sleep than you can ever get on a camp mattress and there are plenty of trees to set up your ideal spot. Hammocks help facilitate rest, great conversations, and being able to see a fantastic view. For some reason I did not own one until my last summer, one of my biggest regrets of Hume.
10. Remember this is Camp. Most people will not have too much trouble remembering this one. Do not treat a blessing like serving such a wide audience for the Gospel’s sake into a burden. Once I got to #8, I figured I should round it out to 10. Mission accomplished.

Providence Verified pt. IV - Going Back to War

As 2009 carried on and God’s providence was so clearly evident, I started looking for God’s active hand, or quiet whisper as life carried on. In that year, I became a civilian again, worked at Hume Lake, and got a real job. Most of it was made possible by powers not in my control, yet I was the beneficiary of those events coming together. I spent a year working at the site. It was a great time of hanging out with Dave again, getting to see my field from a civilian perspective and being surrounded by veterans and active duty personnel.

The prime reason I moved back home, I was able to continue on in Youth Ministry as volunteer staff. It was different as a full class of students had gone through with little contact to me. There was a clear reward to see students whom I mentored as Freshmen in high school were then the college Freshmen leading new high school students. The cycle of ministry was fulfilled.

The first months in the new job were promising. Flexible schedules, great leadership, fantastic salary, I thought I had won the life lottery. I could finally get on with life, instead of going off into foreign lands for extended periods of time. When I returned to Hume, I figured it was a last hurrah and I had to grow up with my professional job and stop longing for the college days. Funny, I never got the college experience… When I was in community college I was working two part time jobs and trying to figure out how to adult. I don’t think I was very good at it.

I was able to return to Hume the following summer. It was only a week, as a counselor with my guys. As a nice reminder of the little things, for my five summers as a high school camper at Hume, I sought the Recreation (Rec) Championship. I know I took it too far, my graduate summer was especially difficult. We had a stacked team and were contenders. That summer we lost by a 25-point margin in the scale of tens of thousands of points. Summer 2010 was about the ministry, to keep that focus clear, I had the freshmen cabin. All bets were off. Isn’t that usually when God makes his hand known the most? There was a slight edge, my lifeguard experience provided me with strategy on how to do well at Rec. Although my cabin was Freshmen, the other guy cabin we were partnered with were graduating seniors, they had come to win! And win we did. It is rare that a team who takes first place, is the team who leaves with the championship. There are a number of make-or-break moments throughout the week. Yet we prevailed. The whole week, every ounce of me wanted to be with my students cheering for victory, but as a leader, it was my duty to encourage good sportsmanship and focus on the eternal, not a T-shirt. Was that a lesson about the desires of our heart? Something about seek first his kingdom? Oh to reminisce, those were such good years...

When I returned to Hume, I saw many friends from the previous summer, including Charlie. He mentioned I should visit again during the summer, I told him I would consider it. When 4th of July rolled around I was able to get a long weekend. One thing from my experiences overseas, I’m not a fan of explosions beyond a certain magnitude. It isn’t the sound or the sight, but if you are close enough to the blast, you can sometimes feel the concussion of air that moves through your whole body. You can feel it down to your bones. It doesn’t bother me, but I just don’t like the feeling. Hume goes all out for 4th of July like many the classic small towns across the nation. I spent the weekend with some friends at Hume and ended up working Security for a bit. By working I really meant, hanging out with Charlie for several hours to direct buses. It would have been so great to work for him, but alas that season had passed…

I mentioned when I got hired at my new job, I was one of many new additions to the site. By the following fall and through numerous growing pains we were informed a significant portion of the team were going to be laid off. The terms of the contract and funding changed, that is the life as a contractor. By the time that news was delivered I was already looking for different opportunities. To accommodate the increase in personnel, our site mirrored closer to our active duty counterparts who maintained 24/7 support. In order to keep up with that schedule and ensure people were not getting stuck with the preferred shifts, there was a regular shift rotation setup. The impending change would have prevented both my continued involvement at church and prevented me from taking any classes to finish my degree.

I did not yet have a plan, but seeing the evolution of the site, I put in my two weeks. I returned home to be with my church, that was the first priority. This was convenient for my leadership as they did not have to release someone who was not looking for an exit, especially those coworkers who had families. In that kind of job, in that location, there was no other place one could work in that part of the state. That was the deal. After a heavy bit of praying, I concluded I need to change my career field altogether. At best I would eventually have to move to the East Coast, at worst I would remain on a constantly rotating schedule that I would be bound to.

I did a little bit of searching and before my two weeks hit, I was hired by another division within the company. I was going to Afghanistan. My new division was based out of Ohio, but being a deployed position, I was free to move wherever (or not) I chose. In the month long whirlwind of resigning from my old position, training that took me to Ohio, Virginia, and Washington D.C., I also managed to move to Texas. After the moving expenses and the rent overhead, I still saved substantial money by moving to Texas. Becoming a Texas resident also provided advantages that Californians cannot join.

I spent 14 months in Kandahar, Afghanistan. This was the hardest season of my life. It wasn’t the mediocre food (compared to Iraq, it was a serious downer), the weekly rocket attacks, or the 80-hour work weeks. It was there that I tangibly learned the essential need for fellowship the Christian has. It was there that the notion one can have of living their faith in isolation without any form of fellowship was utter nonsense. But, God is and was sovereign and he carried me through it all.

Providence Verified pt. III - Hume to Home

Providence Verified pt. III

Hume Summer 2009 was a blessing beyond blessings. Part of the original plan to return to Hume was to be immersed in Christian community right after my active duty service, God made it happen.

Between my move to Texas from Germany, I went to Hume for a weekend. I knew I was going to Iraq shortly after arriving in Texas. Hume had left an indelible mark on my soul my first summer. I had to return one more time before I shipped off to war. I did not see many friends I recognized from that summer, it had been 4 years since I was on summer staff, but there was enough familiarity it still felt like home. By Summer 2009, all but a handful of full time staff were there from my first summer; but it was the same place, with the same passion, and the same mission. Hume will be like a home for me not matter who is working there so as long as they keep to the original mission.

I loved that summer. It was my job to watch people swim and play all summer. For this story, there were two things that happened that summer that has followed me for many years afterward. I met Charlie, a retired LAPD officer who demonstrated a love for people I had not seen before with a man of such… bona fides. There were a handful of veterans on staff, but I was the only one who had been to war, and the others were full time staff. Charlie had seen it all, far more than I had, there was a bond from that first summer. The other thing was the opportunity to see a fulfillment of answered prayers before my eyes.

Summer lasted 10 weeks of campers, it was busy, blessed, and tiring. The summer season goes for 12 weeks, those last couple weeks Hume hosted church groups and Christian school orientations, we were the facilities and food, not the program. The grand finale of summer is Country Fair on Labor day weekend. At the end of the 10 weeks of camp the summer staff of 300+ college age servants shrank to 20-30 of us to continue up through Country Fair. It was those last couple of weeks of summer that I started to look for a plan. The only lead I had was from one of my friends from Germany, named Dave. He and another guy from my section in Germany were working at an Air Force base as contractors in about an hour from Sacramento. I was hoping to jump on the contractor wagon, but I had no idea how to get in. Most Saturdays I would “go down the hill” to Fresno, for movies, BBQ, and sushi. One of those times down the hill, I got a hold of my friend Dave and he mentioned his job might expand, but they were waiting on the government contracts to come through. I knew he would do what he could, but we mere mortals have no control on government contracts. How true that statement turned out to be.

I knew I was returning to home somewhere in the Sacramento suburbs. I was going to housesit for some friends going on vacation for several weeks. I had those weeks to get a lead. Dave gave me the name of the company, I would check the website each night to see if any jobs opened. I was getting discouraged and fearful in those final weeks. I kept refreshing the job opening page and no results were found. There was a solid week I was half-joking that I would go to the Union Gospel Mission after the house sitting. My final night at Hume, I checked the company website one more time, click click, and boom. The job Dave was telling me about was open! I uploaded my resume and filled out the application that night, God was Good!

You might be thinking at this point, “You call this verification?” Not quite yet, keep reading. The next day, as I am driving down the mountain and I get back into cell range, I get a call from Dave. He let me know they saw my resume… but it sucked. I didn’t know what the company was looking for, we knew I had the skills for the job, but one must get the interview to get the opportunity. As it just so happened, the reason Dave called me, was not just to tell me about the shortcomings of my resume. For he and the other guy from my section in Germany were both chosen to sift through the resumes. Wow, just wow. Dave gave me some tips on how to rewrite the resume so he could bring it to his supervisor, who was in charge of hiring.

I got to my friend’s house and fixed my resume and waited. A few days later, I got an email to schedule the job interview. Boom, I’m in. Okay, now I have to think about all my military experience and how to do a job interview. This was a white collar, salaried position with a Fortune 500 company… breathe… breathe… this is happening. Due to the nature of the job, the interview was going to be over the phone. I am not particularly fond of talking on the phone, talking is more than words, it is expressions, inflections, and body language. For this, I only have words and inflections.

The interview, I cannot fairly say it was an interview. I was introduce to the Site lead and when I was getting ready for the challenging questions, she said “Based on your resume and personal recommendations, you were a sure thing. I just wanted to chat to get to know you as we a tight team right now.” Did that just happen? I was given this job. A surreal sense of my finiteness was shadowed by God’s clear hand. He wasn’t done yet. The type of work I did in the Army and as a civilian, required numerous background checks, drug tests, and the sort. Once I started working, I learned I was the first new hire of over a dozen new people. The contract tripled the team over the next six months. On average it took about 2-3 months for new hires to get fully in- processed. I was working within 3 weeks from my interview.

But wait there’s still more! My friends got back from their trip, they did have an open room, which was where I stayed those weeks, but the commute would have been over 1-2 hours. I had to find a different place to live. At the same time, a friend from church, he was a cop two suburbs over. He just bought a new house, there were open rooms. Ding! I got a place to live. As I looked at the location, it was a perfect middle between my commute to work and drive to church. It looks like this civilian life might work out after all...

Providence Verified pt. II - Getting Back Hume

I did not intend this to be a series when I started typing last time. It turns out, telling the story takes more time to set the context. Read as a standalone work, it is understandable that naysayers might discount the events that occurred as coincidence. I ask that any naysayer consider the whole of this series before dismissing my claim. When I left off I concluded that God brought me back to Hume. This part I will chronicle in better depth how God brought me back to Hume and… let’s see how far I get. There is at least one more episode to this series.

Who wouldn't want to spend a Summer with this view?

I got back from Iraq in early February 2009. The return ceremony was one of the most isolating feelings I had ever felt. I was surrounded by my comrades in arms most of whom were greeted anxiously by family following the 15 month separation. At the time I probably ensured my family not to spend the money to welcome me back to the States, after all I had a very short time left… I thought. That urging was a pure pragmatic case and the moment of loneliness reminded me of the hardest prayer, but it passed as all bursts of emotion do.

Due to all the chaos that was my unit moving to Colorado, those of us being honorably discharged were left by the wayside. In the months leading up to our return it was unclear through the time we got on the plane to go back to Texas when exactly we would be released. A few of my friends did research in Army regulations concerning those of us “stop lossed” and were able to get released as soon as was possible. I was in a bit of a bind, I had about a month of leave saved up and the time which would be set as our final out date was still unclear. It was ranging between May 30 and June 30th. That was a major obstacle because I needed to still get hired at Hume if I was to return. Orientation for staff was the first week of June…

The good news, because we were left by the wayside by our unit and my company knew we were getting out from February through April was a fantastic time of rest, eating out, and adventures. My roommate and I went to eat out on a daily basis. We would rotate between Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Mexican, and Thai food on a weekly basis. It was a very good time, I had my bounty of deployment savings. Celebration is essential for the soul, there was much celebration.

Getting back to Hume was complicated. The summer staff recruiting tour was in full swing but I could not make it back to California for the in person interview. I managed to get a phone interview and was hired on the condition that I got my lifeguard certification renewed. Being a lifeguard that summer was my number one goal, I wanted to have a position that I could interact with the students. Lifeguards and High Adventure Guides were the only summer staff positions which doing Recreation was part of the job. I was deathly afraid of short heights (still a work in progress) thus lifeguarding. I tried to be a lifeguard in 2004, but ended up working at a local waterpark instead.

I was still in the Army, with my duties their first. No exceptions. When I did the Hume application it looked like it was better that I be a Water Safety Instructor (WSI) over Lifeguard certified. That was a several week course that I got done. When I got in contact with my lifeguard supervisor at Hume I had to get Lifeguard certified before I arrived. Unfortunately, by that time of the year, there were no lifeguarding classes within a 50 mile radius that was during the week. There was not enough time to take leave so I could get the class taken care of. It was by the graces of one of my WSI Instructors that he was teaching a class about 80 miles away in a single weekend. I booked a motel and made the trek over, that was the worst sunburn I’ve ever had. It turns out my browning needs to be more gradual than 20 hours of direct sunlight in a pool in two days.

While I was juggling the certification issues, I also had to submit my paperwork so I can leave the Army and they wouldn’t go hunting after me. With only a couple of months left my release date was set to May 30. With my weeks of leave, it looked feasible. Then I learned Lifeguards at Hume arrive a week early from regular orientation to get acclimated and pass Hume Lifeguard tests. Don’t forget, I was driving from Texas to Home to Hume. Oh and if I was lucky I would get to stop in Phoenix for a couple days to attend the NRA Annual Convention.

In the less tangibly evident ways and a long week spent completing my clearing papers for the Army, I was able to make it to the Convention, even attend their law seminar, I got to visit Mom for a few days before I went to Hume for the summer. There were many moving parts at that time, between Uncle Sam, Red Cross class scheduling, Hume Lake staff and the whims of my leadership I was able to work at Hume in Summer 2009. I thought that was my last chance to go back to the place I loved. I did not have a plan for after Hume, but that will be for next week. I think that was when God’s providence was undeniably in control.

Proof I was a lifeguard at Hume

Oh, the joys of ministry through Recreation... I didn't get sunburned after the lifeguard class.

Staff Paintball, good times...

Hard Lessons Simple Truths pt I

I shouldn’t say mantra, more like motto. Yes, motto is appropriate. I think this was revealed to me sometime during my Iraq deployment. God constantly provides circumstances for us to learn his simple truths: He is God, He loves me, He knows what is best for me, He is in control, He is able. To throw an “and” or “etc.” to the end of that short list does not do it justice. I would rather make that grammatical mistake than limit the truths of God and his character.

Moving forward from 2009, there have been a number of areas of life which God consistently showed/s me new or deeper understandings of his simple truths, through hard lessons. I remember when my roommate Dan, was laughing (it was fair, reasonable, and prophetic) about my certainty that I would find my spouse at Hume in 2009. It seemed reasonable at the time. I can think of at least a dozen friends whom I have worked with in my Hummer summers who have met their spouse as summer staff. On the odd chance a Hume friend reads this, allow me to clarify “meet” not “start dating” as my first rule of Hume summers is “Do not start a relationship.” This rule was learned after my first summer on staff way back when… well when most of my Hume friends were in elementary school.

It is fun to look through my singleness blogs, that season of life was beneficial for my own growth but something hit around 26, a serious bit of “been there done that, next chapter please.” “Oh grasshopper, you have no idea” would seem like an appropriate near audible response at the time. That season had me seriously question much of those claims I was so happy to explain to others in my young adult years, but with the hope of summer camp and roughly 160+ Christian women working in a common mission, what could go wrong? Or not happen… at all. I was anxious as a near 27-year old Christian single veteran who in some way probably felt like I earned such a gift as a manifestation for my demonstrations of faith throughout my military career.

It would not have been unreasonable at the time/stage to “settle down.” I was behind the curve on the Evangelical timeline but still in healthy range within the secular timeline. It was an odd feeling to return to a world, in which we all grew, professionally and spiritually, but when I returned to my home and church there was a constant feeling of being left behind. While I was overseas doing my thing most of my friends graduated college, got married. At that time they were mostly pre-child stage so things were a little different but not wholly different. It took an edge off that God pretty much gave me a professional job as soon as I got back home. I was in a financial and professional position that I did not need to finish college but still provide well for my forthcoming family. Returning home from the Army had every bit of “When I get home I am gonna…” there were even the necessary steps provided that it looked like those hopes would be realized and fulfilled. I think that was when God started to teach me a new kind of patience.

When I left the Army I was certain my travelling was going to calm down. There were a few months where I fully believed I had the next 20-30 years mapped from that spot. Not knowing what God had in store for me reminds me of how small scale I often look for things. I was at a great job at the time; actually it was literally the best possible option available for my situation. It was truly a gift. Yet, the personal stresses that came along with my department’s expansion and transitions it was clear to me by the time summer ended I might need to look for an exit plan. With that realization of my professional instability so sailed my plans to settle down. It would be irresponsible to pursue someone when I could not provide.

The hardest decision I had to resolve before I enlisted was accepting the fact that I would remain single for the entire duration of my enlistment. God made that condition very easy by not placing any practicing single Christian girls in my path, but that resolution was always present. Like my resolution to abstain from alcohol that was fulfilled shortly after my return to civilian life, I hoped there would be other manifestations of fulfillment.  Yet, instead of receiving my vision of fulfillment, I started what has so far been a seven year journey to understand God’s simple lessons with the occasional and sometimes constant hard truth.

As each year has passed, and especially since I have started my current chapter, that is graduate school, being satisfied in this lesson I have had an almost tangible sense of satisfaction trusting that God is God, He loves me, He is able, He knows what is best for me, and I need to continue to be patient.  

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity