I have no idea where this will take me; I just am somewhat bored and feel like I haven't thought out loud for too long. Now that everything at work has slowed down so much there is a lot of free time everywhere. Most of the time we are doing details just to do something but with all the supplies packed up even that much is difficult. I am anxious to receive my passport so I can travel, even though some country's have open borders in order to get a mileage pass I still have to have a passport. I hope the Spain trip works out. I feel like I am at a real loss, and this hasn't been the first time where I really have no idea what to talk about.
Maybe that could be the topic. Yea, I think I can go with that. What does it mean when I have nothing significant happening. Well, that is a bit of an understatement, one of the other people in the barracks has recently started going to chapel. It is a huge source of encouragement to know I am not so alone. When I think about the blankness of thought for the time I question how healthy it could be. I know I haven't let up in my pursuit to stand for something righteous. I have made greater attempts and so far so good reading again. My gaming has definitely sub-sided and I have had more motivation to hit the gym again. The overall balance of life I had before the busy period is re-establishing itself. The thing that concerns me though is the lack of serious thoughts.
In my typical blogs I have some spiritual lesson or major event that has hit me and there is a part of me that is worried that I haven't had anything come up in almost a month that I have been compelled enough to write about. I am thinking that can't be a good thing, if I am not growing then what else is there? Surviving, kind of, falling away or not doing so well, I hope not. Am I just worrying that I have written about so much already that I am at a loss about what more to write. I have thought about writing some blogs about my take on the War, current events I have seen in the news and things of that nature might be interesting from a soldier's perspective.
I think that by my lack of spiritual passion for the weeks that I might be at a lukewarm period, I say that and think "How can that be?" Am I compromising more? Am I devoted to the same principles that I have been fighting to hold to for these several months? I think those questions can be answered that I am in a good position. I know there is always growth, but when I can hardly sense anything going on or bouncing in my head, I have a serious “what the heck” moment. The scary thing is this moment is lasting entirely too long in my opinion...
I am reminded of an adage that I heard a while ago and much agrees with. It was something along the lines of "If you are not being persecuted for your beliefs you're doing something wrong", in reference to how faithful we are to living out our faith. I was encouraged in a moment I don't think was meant to really be encouraging. In my most recent sit-down with my supervisors they were saying that I need to tone done on how seriously I take my faith.
They were suggesting I socialize more with people other than from church. I have nothing against that but between general vibes and straight out telling me, the others in my platoon don't want to take me anywhere because I am such a killjoy. I suppose my very presence prevents them from having as much fun. I thought the best part about the discussion is they said I need to stop approaching people like "Hi I am Joseph, and I am a Christian". I really don't think I come across that strong nor do I attempt to bible-thump those around me for living as they please. My next best guess as to why people are so uncomfortable around me is that I actually stand for something and refuse to budge.
I know that sit-down was meant to be helpful suggestions for me to get out more; I found it encouraging that my life message is clear. I know I don't come across like a lunatic or attempt to be a holier-than-thou, the only times I ever get to discuss spiritual issues most of the time is when I am chatting with Adam, a friend from church and in my platoon. So when I regularly hear people say I am a bible thumper or something of that sort I simply wonder that is my lifestyle preaching that much without my words? If so, awesome!
