Solitude: A Narrative

March 2005

The tension builds as our Drill Sergeants demonstrate to us the proper wear of the beret. This is the award a soldier received in the completion of Basic Combat Training. Our commander runs through the drill and ceremony command of “Don berets!” and the National Anthem is played. I remember Jonathan mentioning that after Basic he found it odd that tears flowed at the sound of the tune. I understood that sentiment, I too had a couple tears fall. The anthem did not mean anything more or less, only the understanding of sacrifice deepened. There is also a sense of joy, those who have served in the past, I now get to join their ranks as a brother in arms.

For the last week or so, we knew Family Day was coming. Basic is all but over, we have qualified in our soldering tasks, completed our final field training exercises, the hard part was more than over. We were excited to be finished, to be Soldiers. Much of that week was spent preparing our nearly bare dress uniforms which would be the final mark that we were indeed soldiers. There were logistical details from our Drill Sergeants being forwarded on a regular basis. That week the most soldierly thing we did was clean our weapons to excess. I don’t really recall what we talked about other than respective girlfriends or missed food and alcohol. I longed to eat better food but I had neither a girlfriend nor a preferred drink to miss, it was still  few months before I hit 21. There was an unspoken excitement, particularly among the National Guardsmen and Reservists. After these eight weeks they would go home to their families, it made sense they would be present for the graduation. Us, active duty, we would simply get on the bus and head to our next training site. It was not until the day of, that we learned we would take a non-stop bus from Fort Leonard Wood Missouri to Huachuca Arizona. It turned out we were graduating during Spring Break and plane tickets were too difficult to acquire, or that was what our Drill SGTs relayed to us. I preferred that idea more, that meant more freedom, as we would have a new complement of Drill SGTs to greet us. I would take a 30-hour bus ride over a 3 hour flight any day of the week under those conditions.

I wanted to shrug it all off as my comrades were excited to be greeted by family at graduation. It was an easy calculation, between the flight and hotel, it would be wholly impractical to want anyone to come watch my graduation. California was a long way from Missouri, the roads were unclear. Could mom even navigate to find where on base we would be? All this for a few hours of family time before we board the bus for our next evolution of training. It isn’t worth it, it can’t be. So I convince Mom that I didn’t want her to bother with going to graduation. This is what it means to be a soldier right? Think of the practical choices more than what would be nice. I have endured plenty of difficult things, this is just another thing to shrug off…Besides, this next bit of training is only a few more months before I get leave between my final duty station. By then I’ll even have some leave saved up so I won’t have to go broke to be home. I’ve barely been gone two months, I need to prepare to be gone for years. That is what Iraq will have for me.

December 2005

My first Christmas away from home. Most of the unit is gone on block leave, there might be ¼ of us left here, more or less going through the motions. I am in Germany after all. I get to see snow and with most of the unit gone, the days will be really relaxed, and they were. I had just been home in August, it didn’t make sense to go home after only a 3 months away, plus have you seen the price of the plane tickets? Way not worth it, I’ll just go home next year…

February 2009

The last 48 hours are kind of surreal, the same kind like when we took our first steps in Kuwait and the bright sun shone in our faces with a biting brilliance never before experienced. We are all exhausted. Between the 30+ hours of flying, waiting in the ever so cushy “Freedom Zone” between Customs and our flight back towards civilization, everything in me is just gone. We are finally offloading the plane back at Fort Hood. I see the Division Band, but between the keeping in step and not wanting to fall down the flight stairs I’ll just look onward. I’m glad the band got to go home early, we were all tired. It was too bad they have to do all these “welcome home” gigs. I have no idea what I’ll be doing for the next weeks or months, but I know it wouldn’t be much.

We get on the buses and I’m trying to recognize where we were. I didn’t travel around Texas much. I was with the unit only a couple months before we deployed and I didn’t own a car. Beyond the main streets of the base, I’m lost. I think we had a police escort on the way back to base, that was a nice gesture. As the buses pull up and I look for other single friends who will be just as bored after this I am unsuccessful. I was one of the lucky ones to get back with the first group as the unit demobilized. It would take a week or so before the whole unit gets back, even then people will go on leave almost immediately. I will have two, maybe three weeks of absolute chill, but since I’m not taking leave just yet, it will be paid vacation!

The buses pull up to Division Headquarters, finally somewhere familiar. We unload from the bus, leave our bags, and instructed to get in formation. Oh, right there will be a “welcome back speech” cause the Army loovess ceremonies. I just want a shower and a real bed. We form up all nice and pretty, thank goodness we are outside. It is hot and none of us have showered in at least 30 hours, possibly 48. I wish I remembered to bring more baby wipes for the trip back. As we get the instructions from the Sergeant in charge we are going to have a “move that bus” kind of reveal because Extreme Home Makeover is all the rage and our loved ones are waiting to see us. Well, everyone else’s loved ones. I didn’t want Mom to get lost travelling again. Finances are always tight, I’ll be home soon anyways, this time for good (or so I thought). I’ve been alone this whole time, this is nothing.

“Dis-missed!” Oh, thank goodness the speech was short. That is a man that knows his soldiers! As we walk across the parade field, the formation now broken, families run for each other. It is worth noting, when everyone is wearing a uniform it is really hard to spot anyone individually. I see young couples express their joy. Fathers hug their children. This is a beautiful sight to see. Wait, did that guy just kiss a bottle of Johnnie Walker? I guess his wife really knows him… I get off the parade field and look for the bus with my dufflebag. I’ll be living out this until my belongs get out of storage, that might take a week or two. I need to find where I’ll be living. Good for everyone else, but I’ll celebrate when I get home…

“Joe!!!” Did someone call my name? Who here knows me by my first name? Oh! It is Max and Tiff! Good thing I have friends in the band. I tell them the situation and Max says he’ll pick me up after I get settled in my new barracks room. It is still the late morning, we are going to hit the town! This is a particular gift, I wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything for me. Here are some friends AND they want to spend the day with me. It is going to be a good day.